We Do Chew Our Food

maze

2010-04-18T16:17:00.004+10:00

maze Melbourne is the newest of the seemingly unending restaurants from the McRamsay conveyor belt of restaurants, gastropubs and cafes from Gordon Ramsay. Housed in the new Crown Metropol hotel on the city's swanky Southbank precinct, maze is unfortunately situated on the Clarendon St end of the jewel of Crown. Looking out the window through the earth toned curtains you can expect to see not the light reflecting off the Yarra or the glittering necklace of lights from the CBD - but a noisy cacophony of cars and a rather sad IGA.

Booking is apparently essential. It can be done online through Dimmi where upon booking you are reminded 'not to cancel or not turn up, as this could prevent you from booking again'.

Our reservation was for 8.30pm on a Friday night. We got there at 8pm and were invited to have a drink and wait for our table. We were shown to the lovely lounge area with seats to the walls, low tables and retro swivel chairs. The characters from TV's Mad Men would not have felt out of place dangling Martinis from their fingers there.

Like so many restaurants we have dined in before - we gave maze the 'LLB' test. If they can't do a decent Lemon Lime Bitters then do they really deserve to be open? Harsh but we all have our own litmus test for places and people. Our drinks arrived and they were lacking. Very very light if at all on the Bitters. Too much ice and way too many wedges of lime.

8.30pm rolled around and the reservation desk looked more harried than ever - at least 6 staff members staring at the computer screen, pointing and shaking their heads. No one came over to check on us or indicate they were running late with our table. We chuckled to ourselves and wondered if the Dimmi disclaimer could work both ways - where we could 'not book again due to restaurant running late'.

8.45pm we signalled over a flustered young lady and asked her to check on our table. She went away and conferred with the busy reception desk. Then she came back to us and said someone from the desk will come over to us. Apparently she was ill equipped to deliver the news, whatever it was.

We waited another 5 minutes and then someone did indeed come over to ask if WE were ready for our table. We said yes. She asked us to leave our drinks that they would follow us in.

The restaurant itself is done in earth tones and somewhat lacking in light. Two (could be more) over large light fixtures in dangerous spikes hung overhead and provided little if any lighting. Each table had a tiny candle. That was going to be bad for my iphone camera.

At this time it was past 9pm.

At 9.15pm our table server came over and asked if we wanted drinks. We told her our drinks from the lobby must have gotten lost, as they have not yet found us. She said she would check on them. We perused the menu whilst she rounded up the bloodhounds to search for our drinks. Ahh but at least we had tepid water in our tumblers.

The menu is interesting in its concept. Degustation is recommended and I am yet unsure as to whether a la carte is possible. The first page indicates 7 courses for $95. We were advised that the following pages contained starters and mains and we were recommended to 'choose 4-5 savoury courses' - 3 lighter courses from the starters and 2 heavier courses from the mains. I was disappointed in the menu as the dishes were all safe and predictable. Nothing jumped out at me and said 'oh you have to eat this'. Faced with the task of choosing without any recommendations from the wait staff (and the prospect of waiting another hour to eat) we made choices. Lighter courses we chose include artichoke veloute with rock lobster garlic chips and green beans ($10.91), smoked eel kipfer potato sour cream black garlic and shaved foie gras ($12.73), scallop with champagne foam ($16.36 each), quail ($13.64), rabbit ($17.27). Our drinks never did follow us to the dining room so we ended up ordering two glasses of German Riesling.

Bread arrived with Maldon sea salt and 'seaweed butter'. We loved the seaweed butter - creamy with a hint of ozone. The bread was very light and chewy. Baked in house apparently.

I was impressed with some of the food - the scallops were beautifully cooked and tasted great. No taste to the 'champagne foam' - it might as well have been 'champagne illusion'. What was off-putting was the powerful smear of parsley on the plate. Completely erased the taste of the fresh, sweet scallops. Shame really. The artichoke soup was lovely and smoky. The rock lobster still cleanly flavoured and the beans adding a little crunch to the velvet soup. This was a faultless dish to me.

I enjoyed the smoked eel as well - as nice as the foie gras sounds on this dish, it served no purpose apart than to look good on the menu. There was no taste of foie gras.

My husband complained that his rabbit was tough - which was a shame since he was very excited about having rabbit. His quail was more successful.

Our mains - poussin ($20) and beef ($20.91) for him and lamb ($21.82) and beef for me. His chicken was delicious, moist and flavourful. However the skin was not crisp therefore inedible to me or my husband. My lamb was wonderful in texture - the loin was tender and juicy but ruined by the over salting on top of the piece. When I put it in my mouth my tongue immediately became sore from the salt. I was most disappointed in that.

The beef. Well what can we say about the beef? Texture wise it was a work of art. Tender to the point of dissolving on the tongue. Taste wise? Nothing. We might as well have eaten beautifully textured wood. There was no taste at all. We were looking forward to the beef more than any other course since it was so popular with everyone around us. What a colossal disappointment. The horseradish mash was soft and pleasant tasting instead of being luxurious, silky and decadent (Bistro Guillaume).

At this time it was well past 11pm.

We ordered two desserts because we felt we had to. Chocolate fondant ($14.55) and Coconut pannacotta ($14.55) and two espressos ($3.64 each).

Desserts were delicious and faultless. Espressos were terrible - tasted of bad beans, poor roasting and inexperience coffee making.

We asked for our bill twice and were kept waiting another 15 minutes whilst table staff moved around the dining room looking lost, confused and tired. Our bill came to $293.59 ... yes... they charged us for the 2 LLBs we never even had two sips of and they forgot. This was just the icing on the huge cake of disappointment.

I was beyond angry at this point so I advised the person who brought the bill that the LLB were 'lost' on the way to the table and we should not be charged for them. He took the bill away and 15 more minutes elapsed before we got a new bill ... this time for $289.50. Yes folks, they took 1 LLB away and left the other.

Before my husband committed a crime we paid and left.

So would I recommend maze? No. Absolutely not. Overpriced food. Inexperienced staff. Melbourne has better dining experiences and you deserve better.

Longrain (Melbourne)

2008-12-21T17:37:00.002+11:00

44 Little Bourke St

Melbourne VIC

Australia 3000

T - +61 3 9671 3151 (they do not take reservations for less than 6 people)

For those familiar with Longrain Sydney, it's not 'same same but different' - let's face it Melbourne has a food culture like very few other places. It seems people in Melbourne live to eat rather than the other way around. Food is so much a part of our culture we have a peculiar relationship with our restaurants. If we like the restaurant, we shamelessly promote it - as we would do something so deeply personal to us. If we do not like it we don't tell anyone - we simply never mention it.

It is with that in mind that I hereby shameless promote Longrain.

Longrain Menu sings loudly of chef Martin Boetz influence - with strong Thai/Asian flavours lending itself to balance, harmony and taste - oh boy was there taste! If you're looking for lacklustre, cookie-cutter Thai food then you're at the wrong place. Walking through the door and being confronted with large communal tables and a kitchen humming with activity - you know you're somewhere out of the ordinary.

The tables are all impeccably polished and set with cloth napkins and western cutlery. If you're a couple you sit side by side instead of facing each other. This is a great idea since the food is so good - you want to quietly sigh and whisper to your companion rather than look at them.

My suggestion is to order a cocktail from the brilliant list - I heartily recommend anything with lychee - I think along with mango, cherries and raspberries, lychees are the most delicious, exotic fruit - that translucent lushness, that sweet tartness... oh ...

The food. Well I think people who have been to Longrain (Syd or Melb) know and they are unanimous in their praise and their worship. Rightly so. We wanted to try everything - the menu looks small but it isn't - it is created with intelligence - knowing that people, when face with many choices of pork or beef or fish, will narrow it down to 2 and then 1. When the choice is of 2 completely unctuous dishes it becomes a challenge then you have to talk with your table staff for them to help you. And help they do at Longrain.

Our table staff helped our decision down to Betel Leaf topped with prawn peanuts toasted coconut and ginger, Caramelised Pork Hock with five spice and chilli vinegar (sml), Crisp fried soft shell crab with a green mango salad and a roasted eschalot dressing (sml) and finally crisp fried pork with chilli and basil stir-fry. A word of advice - the dishes are large and ideal for sharing - so if your table staff recommends a small portion - heed their advice.

The Betel Leaf was a mouthful of perfection - prawn meat complimented by the crunch of peanut, toasty goodness of coconut and a combination of sauces - I don't know what sauce or how much - but it was the most amazing single mouthful ever. You sit and think about it a few days after you get home - wondering but never quite getting it. You will never forget it.

Pork Hock - this dish was the best thing I had ever eaten - ever. If I have to have a 'last dish' then this would be it. I would build a Pork Hock Taj Mahal to this dish. You have no idea how good it is unless you go and eat it. If you don't eat anything else next year - make this your pilgrimage. Deeply golden pork hocks - obviously master stocked and deep-fried to a crisp outside, tender meat and that orgasmic gelatinous lip smacking fat - it is the stuff people write poetry about or in my case, a review. These love-at-first-bite pieces of pork are accompanied by two bowls of condiments - a heavenly sweet rich caramel (palm sugar based) and its alter ego, a bowl of clear chilli vinegar with perfect rounds of Christmas-red chilli. You choose how sweet or tart or what balance you like and you go to town on that dish.

After that dish my husband and I were ready to pledge our undying love and leave - but there was more...

Crisp fried soft shell crab with a green mango salad and a roasted eschalot dressing - you've probably had deep fried soft shell crab before, if so then you're about to eat the real thing for the first time at Longrain. Impossibly crisp crabs in a deliciously tart, hot, sour and sweet salad with dressing. Incredibly - there was crab! Real crab in my soft shell crab dish! I tasted crab which was a real surprise - I loved this dish and would order it again in a heartbeat.

Crisp fried pork with chilli and basil stir-fry - this dish we couldn't do justice to - simply because we were already in love and being shown the older, more complex dish to the pork hock. We were full from the other courses so we only mustered a few bites of this dish. I think it was a deep, fragrant, well balanced dish that would set more than a few hearts on fire. From what I tasted the pork was crisp, juicy and completely complimented by the jumble of snake beans, crunchy fried basil, chilli shards and that complex sauce - oh boy, that sauce...

We were sated. We were surprised. We were happy.

Our bill - $123.00 for 2. This included rice for 2 ($6) and $2 for charity. Plus 1 cocktail, 1 soft drink and all that food...

A small price to pay for a dish which now has me in its thrall - a dish I'm off to fantasise of now.

A Taste of Melbourne

2008-08-23T15:48:00.003+10:00

Thanks to Chai I went to the Taste of Melbourne festival today. It was delicious!

Since I don't have a lot of time to post (leaving on holiday in 1 day and haven't packed anything!) here is the tour we did -

The Courthouse - Carbonade of beef with pomme puree, parsley and caper salad. Absolutely delicious, tender melt-in-your mouth beef with buttery pomme puree and a sharp zingy salad.

Circa, the Prince - Slow cooked Sher Wagyu, braised meat pie, truffled coleslaw, licorice spiced pumpkin. Meltingly tender wagyu, perfectly seasoned with soft flakes of sea salt as tasty as beef I've ever had. The meat pie was too small to really stand out. I tasted no truffle in the slaw, which was crunchy and fresh. The pumpkin was ... well ... pumpkin.

The Press Club - "Hellenic Republic" lamb souvlaki. Apparently I'm not the only one putting chips in my souvlaki! Soft doughy bread encasing tender lamb cuddled up to a few french fries and a lick of mustard. Very sexy.

Nobu - Beef Tataki: Seared beef topped with onion ponzu, spring onions and garlic chips with ponzu dress. Pink slices of just seared beef in zesty sauce topped with crunchy garlic and soft spring onions made for a memorable mouthful. I loved the heady vinegar of the sauce - made me want to sip it from a wine glass.

Verge - Slow cooked pork belly ‘Nan Ban Zuke’, shiitake and seaweed. An interesting fusion of sweet, sour, salty and deep flavours. 2 little slices of pork belly does not lend itself to being shared for tasting however the deep, richness of the sauce and the slippery shiitake will never be forgotten. Class Act.

Interlude - Roast Beef with Trimmings. Pale pink and tender the beef. Sweet and sticky the jus. Meaty and firm the veg (carrots). Warm was the horseradish sauce. Perfect was the bread sauce to absorb all the juices and create a grand plate indeed.

Jacques Reymond - Saddle of Highland venison tataki, soft parmesan polenta. Wonderfully rich, strong flavoured venison overpowered the lacklustre polenta and the few beans. The parmesan wafer was crunchy and moreish.

Longrain - Vanilla Tapioca pudding with lychees & jackfruit. One of the most amazing, love-at-first-bite dishes of my life. If you try one dish and one dish only from this list, try this one. The absolute stand out for me and my better half, we both thought this was the best dish of the whole festival - a triumph!

The Press Club - "Press Club" mastic pannacotta married with "Maha" turkish delight filled doughnuts. Soft creamy just-set pannacotta bed on which two or three plump doughy donuts cuddle - not just any donut, flavour packed with turkish delight! A dreamy yet rock n roll dessert, deserving of the kudos from everyone who had some.

*we had no fish or seafood because we are travelling in a day. No point taking a risk.

100 Mile Cafe

2008-05-02T13:57:00.002+10:00

Level 3, Melbourne Central
211 La Trobe St, Melbourne Victoria 3000
contact@100milecafe.com.au
P 9654 0808 F 9654 1080
Mod Oz Locavorian
Dinner, Thursday 1st May 2008

The website address may be http://www.sosmelbourne.com.au/, but sos is long gone and 100 Mile Cafe has taken its place. Rather than being vego-pescetarian only - no dairy, no meat, no eggs - the new incarnation is omnivorous in its cooking but ecofriendly and locavotarian (is that even a word?) in its ethics. Unfortunately our table didn't come with a natty placemat-like guide to the restaurant, but I had done some prior research (read: studied the menu during my downtime at work) and was impressed by the thought that went into it. I may not have spent quite as much thought deciding what to buy (I should have gotten a chicken dish!) but as I was being ruled by my empty, rumbling stomach, I went with what I thought would be a large meal, rather than going for flavour and intelligence. Which is why I ended up with a plate full of burger (beef-tofu), chips and salad, while my dining partner had the smallest serve I've ever seen for a main dish in a restaurant, of red mullet fillets.

But I get ahead of myself here. The room itself deserves a bit of discussion, as it is a very '00s venue, and very new-Melbourne-Central. It's located in a shopping centre in the city, but on the outskirts of the actual complex, so the escalators we took to reach the front door were the only real reminder of our very mercantile surrounding. A long corridor - with a "fish don't grow on trees" montage of real tree trunks - took us to a room with a central bar, an outside drinkies area, and a simple, slightly echoey space of simple chipboard-looking chairs (though painted a dashing orange or white), small square tables, and a dotted-dashed-cutout plane of more chipboard or something lining the ceiling. VERY '00s. A lot of exposed pale wood rough-hewn beams supporting the ceiling in some form further accentuated the bar. VERY Melbourne Central. VERY cool.

The waiters were sweethearts, too. A bit chatty, a bit joking, and perfectly matching the surprisingly affordable menu. I do suspect that they could do with raising the prices just a few dollars if it meant getting more food on the plate. The "Grilled Red Mullet fillets with fennel, peas and watercress" (which was listed on the menu as containing - and was delivered with - kohlrabi as well) was so small, I made sure to reserve my salad and some chips for my dining partner to eat as well. So I can't report on her dish, nor on my salad, but those chips sure were yum. The burger itself had a curiously quiet flavour, no doubt as a result of the inclusion of silken tofu. But the texture certainly benefited - I ate the entire burger quite happily, but skipped the boring looking white bread roll it was sandwiched in.

We had actually started with house-baked olive oil and salt flat bread that blew my mind. My dining partner told me it was spelt, and I was just in love. It had an echo in the flavour of crispbread crackers, but with a beautifully sensual, clever texture of both crisp and chewiness, with a dusty base that turned one of my pink sleeves a lovely shade of salmon. For $5 for a plate piled high with squares, the bread was reasonably priced and I could have quite happily taken a box home as takeaway.

The desserts were similarly impressive, a strawberry souffle rising almost twice as tall as its dish, and a champagne, lemongrass, and something-else sorbet was delicately flavoured, with each note coming through with perfect clarity. My tall, rectangular rhubarb tart concealed within a veritable swimming pool of liquid custard, so I did get a bit messy. The rich pastry, perfectly cooked rhubarb, and tangy pear compote mousse accompanying went perfectly with the dollop of cream I had requested on the side. At $14 each they were reasonably priced, and I don't think they need any price increase if possible! They were decent sized serves for the cost.

Because the menu is seasonal, it's also a prime candidate for return visits which won't leave me totally bored of eating the same food over and over. Variety in the mains, similarly excellent desserts (all the dishes came with sorbets, so I suspect the winter menu is yet to be fully introduced), and more of that bread, and I'll return time and time again.

Degustation at Circa

2008-03-27T13:35:00.004+11:00

I attended Circa ( Circa, The Prince, 2 Acland St, St Kilda, 9536 1122, circa@circa.com.au) for the birthday dinner of my best friend, along with her parents, brother, partner, and another friend. We were seated at a round table in a corner with a door to the balcony where we could watch wedding-goers continuing their party which was being pushed into some function room as we arrived for our 6:30pm reservation. It was a tight squeeze but thanks to the billowing white curtain separating the room, behind our backs, there was enough space for the waiters to get their job done.

It was an interesting mix of people – the brother seemed to have forgotten about the dinner entirely, but the staff showed no surprise or frustration when he showed up an hour after the rest of us and told the waiter to start serving him the degustation from where everyone else was up to. The partner was only about one week out of hospital for having her gall bladder removed, and is on a strict no-fat diet as a result. It was a bit disappointing therefore when we asked the waiter if there could be any substitutions in the degustation and were told in no uncertain terms that there couldn’t. I wonder if perhaps we should have been asked why we were inquiring? After a bit of faffing around, we decided on degustation anyway, and ordered two vegetarian degustations, and five meatatarian.

Three hours passed from amuse bouche to the second dessert course, a total of 9 courses. The standard was exceptionally high, with a focus on some seriously fresh and flavourful produce, and beautifully impeccable presentation. Of course. Without the massive white plates, cleverly indented depressions for soup and artistic drizzles covering half the plate, we would all realise that degustation is nothing but a massive tease – a hook to force you to return to order what you would have preferred ten times the amount of. Personally, I would have traded in the Wagyu for the heirloom tomatoes, and skipped some amazingly rich goats cheese for extra olive oil sorbet to eat with the tomatoes. In fact when I was at Ezard a few weeks later, I ordered their heirloom tomato salad with feta and microshoots or something, and was sorely disappointed. But I digress - the masochist in me loves degustations, as does my inability to ever make a decision.

I wrote down my impressions throughout dinner using my brand spanking new Nokia with its clever little Notes function, so here goes a dot point summary of what we ate:

Amuse bouche:

Cauliflower cream, black roe, cucumber foam, globes of cucumber, NSW oyster, smoky strong aftertaste.

Course 1:

White bean soup, tiny cubes of chewy chorizo, tiny cannelini beans, shreds of flavourful crab, tiny sprigs of maybe baby sweetpea shoots, salty bits - sometimes crab sometimes bean, orange oil from the soup, which was poured at the table.

Course 2:

Flat wedge of pale brown smoked eel with a sweet frothy cream, sitting on dill, parsley and maybe baby beetroot leaves, translucent tube of striated potato with more herbs standing in it, about ¼ teaspoon of crumbled maple bacon.

Course 3:

Three small snails, lightly breaded, gently fried, garlic flavour and fried bits, small pool of oil fried in, 2 breaded fried pigs ears I didn’t eat, small squares of iceberg lettuce, vivid green lightly flavoured parsley sauce.

Course 4:

Miniature roma half, two quarter slices of maybe a beefsteak, wedge of purple green skinned and seeded strong almost smoky, half a sweet cheery tomato, sweet liquid olive oil sorbet, black olive oil which was actually oil mixed with balsemic vinegar, large chewy sweet cheesy fruity wafer.

Course 5:

Disc of dense, creamy, mild but with a slowly pungent aftertaste, white goats cheese, long irregular curls of thin cheese cracker announced as wafer.

Course 6:

Mound of small pearl barley sauteed with slippery, soft baby shallots, with small cubes and rectangular wedges of Wagyu beef scattered throughout. The beef appears to be very slowly sauteed, or maybe roasted with a lot of liquid.

Course 7:

Small square of plain dense sponge cake with a lightly aerated, gelled, smooth, subtly tangy yogurt topping about a third as tall as the cake, served with a small melon-baller scoop of lemon-celery sorbet, a very light flavour and texture.

Course 8:

Glass of berry royale – sweet, rich, lingering dark berry juice topped with a moscato wine fluffy cream, served with a rich buttery pastry cracker, with a collection of fresh berries in more juice, and a scoop of beautiful cream. Perhaps the “Petite tartlet of berries, soured cream, moscato and berry royal” described on their website?

Some discrepancies emerged, such as the “black olive oil” listed on the menu in the heirloom tomato dish, which tasted suspiciously like a high quality vinaigrette of EVOO and balsemic vinegar. The maple smoked bacon from the eel was perhaps a quarter of teaspoon in total, and if I had planned to eat it (I went half-heartedly kosher for the night) I suspect I would have been disappointed. The vegetarian “organic carrot salad” was 3 halves of carrots, perhaps slightly roasted, served with yogurt – the recipients were quite let down. One serve was even sent back when it was discovered that at least one carrot piece was so woody, the knife couldn’t cut through it. I felt that the mound of pearl barley served with the Wagyu was a cop-out – it was by far the biggest of the dishes in terms of both sheer volume of food and the filling-ness of the food. And to be filled up by pearl barley in a lackadaisical broth? Meh! However as the first steak I have had since jaw surgery, the Wagyu really did deliver.

And that’s about all I can report on that was negative in any way. A bit of waxing rhapsodic is doubtless in order.

The olive oil sorbet with the heirloom tomatoes was the simplest dish, and yet my favourite. It just goes to show what my slightly less gastronomically inclined other half is starting to point out himself – good quality produce is the most important factor in creating a masterpiece in the kitchen. The tomatoes were beautiful as-is, and coated in the slightest sweetness of creamy EVOO, were just heavenly.

Snails – my goodness, how much fun are snails! I hesitated for a split-split-second and realised that my brain was thinking “snails!” and so I resolved to stop thinking about the word and just eat the small ball of fried yumminess. They were perfect – I couldn’t even tell you exactly what snails tasted like, but as oysters taste of the sea, I’m voting that snails taste of the earth. And garlic. And oil. And parsley. Those French really know what they’re doing. And so chewy! Like oysters, the texture is part and parcel of the experience.

The desserts were both examples of masterful gourmet cooking – I wouldn’t have ordered lemon-celery sorbet, and the sponge cake was fairly bland with only a slight tang to the yogurt topping, but combine them all together, and I thought I was gracefully dancing through a meadow of sunflowers and butterflies. So light and refreshing, all textures combining seamlessly and the celery working perfectly with the sponge. The royale (cue many jokes about royale with cheese) was my first experience with this dish, and while I found the top layer of moscato cream to have a slightly bitter? sour? taste, combined with the mouth-coating berry juice, whipped cream and the crisp of the pastry, a revelation.

At $125 for my non-vegetarian degustation, I think it was very reasonably priced. I wasn’t too full by the end of the meal because I had skipped most of the barley (they got stuck in my braces), and I am a pretty light eater, but I do think the amount of food was sufficient, if not quite indulgent. Excepting that one carrot, the quality of the food was superb, so there was no feeling that we were paying inflated prices for nothing more preparation and presentation – I would happily pay the premium price for what I felt was premium produce. The service was impeccable, if a little standoffish and not quite as friendly as Ezard, but in the staff’s defence, the joint was jumping – I could swear that when we left at 11pm, I saw a table starting on their amuse bouches for their own degustation. I managed to drive home without falling asleep behind the wheel, and slept the fine, leaden sleep of the sated and content.

Gingerboy

2008-03-05T19:04:00.005+11:00

Chef - Teage Ezard
Location - Crossley St, City
Open - (L) M-F 12pm-2.30pm (D) M-S 6pm-Late
Food - Hawker Inspired with a touch of Sophistication

I was looking forward to this little food excursion for some time now - actually since Teage Ezard (he of the reputable 'Ezard' in Melbourne) opened the shiny glass doors of his cheeky salute to hawker inspired food of Singapore and Bangkok. I have eaten at his flagship restaurant and I knew the standard to be expected.

I booked the reservation about 10am and by 11.30am they had called to confirm the availablity (taking care to remind me that seating at 6.30pm need to vacate the table by 8.30pm). I received a text message a minute later confirming that someone would call me to make the reservation. Hmmm. I was left wondering after the conversation on the phone what they would do if we hadn't finished eating by 8.30pm - would we have a Faulty Towers episode of kicking us out? Probably not.

We were seated very promptly by Young, Hip and Trendy (my names for the red-shirt, black pants wait staff). The decor is very very sexy - think black, sleek, shiny with red compliments. Very clever bamboo painted back studded with fairy lights against one wall, comfortable padded seats on one side and fragile-looking, translucent plastic chairs on the other side. The table is set with chop-sticks, metal spoon and fork and a rather competent paper dining napkin.

I ordered one of the house-cocktails (Water Lilly - vodka, lychee and watermelon) and the boy ordered a soft drink. The menu is definitely South East Asian inspired - lots of very enticing things to tempt the tastebuds. We settled on - Chicken Satay Dumplings with Cucumber Relish, Crispy Chilli Salt Cuttlefish with Lemon and Sesame and Soft Shell Crab with Green Chilli to start.

The Cuttlefish was one of the best I have ever had - light almost tempura batter around tender white cuttlefish pieces. Enough to share but very hard to since they were so tasty. I loved the effort of a wedge of lemon in muslin. The Dumplings were excellent - meaty and packed full of chicken, peanuts and a healthy whack of chilli. I liked them more than the boy did. I was very impressed with the cucumber relish - chunks of fresh crisp cucumber scattered with tender pink tendrils of pickled shallot. The Soft Shell Crab was not on the menu, it was written on the mirrored 'specials' area - I didn't think it lived up to the hype. I like soft shell crab however these had none of the crisp lightness I expected. Maybe the dressing was too heavy but I loved the dressing - full of flavour, perfect rounds of green chilli and other aromatics in a spicy, vinegar dressing.

For our mains - we chose two 'sharing' dishes - Singapore Noodles with Coconut Laksa and Spiced Vegetables, Grain Fed Wagyu Rump with Black Pepper Sauce and Kim Chee and we couldn't resist the Fried Corn Cakes.

There was a 20 minute wait between when our entrees plates were removed and when our mains were placed before us. I don't mind waiting but when there is a timeframe involved - makes for a few uneasy moments.

Young, Hip and Trendy made quick work of clearing away the table and ensuring the glasses were refilled - they even made room for the oversized plate and bowl bearing the mains. The corn cakes were bliss. Pure and simple. Golden brown, speckled with chilli and redolent with garlic. Tender corn and fluffy batter - I wanted some of Neil Perry's Chilli Caramel sauce to make a little puddle to dunk the little darlings into. If you go for nothing else, go for the fried Corn Cakes. The Wagyu Rump were 6 tender slices of beef, cooked rare and perched atop a boat of black pepper sauce stuffed with swoon-worthy garlic pieces. The best part of the whole dish for me was the much-avoided Kim Chee - why aren't more people embracing this fierce combination of crunchy cabbage, chilli, garlic and so many other things? I love kim chee - and I don't think it smells bad in the least - I think people psych themselves up about the 'fermented cabbage' and prepare themselves not to like it. Shame really, but more for me. The Singapore Noodles with Laksa had amazing flavour. I stopped just short of tipping the bowl to my mouth and drinking the laksa - coconut rich and sweet, chilli hot, tomato sour, snakebeans to add crunch, cabbage for a tender bite ... the list goes on and on. One of the best I have had (the best is still Penang Coffee House in Hawthorne). The Singapore Noodles and Laksa is vegetarian but you don't really miss the soft succulent pieces of sweet, pink edged roast pork, shards of broth soaked chicken, tiny prawns... oh who am I kidding? I missed it. The boy and I loved the texture of the crispy noodles in the laksa - a great idea when all the other laksas are a combination of slippery thick egg noodles and thin rice noodles.

Oh yes, those awesome corn cakes to soak up the black pepper sauce and the laksa broth as well ... there is no bad way to enjoy corn cakes.

We made it out of there in under an hour - great turn around for great food and a Melbourne gem in the making. 7/10

France Soir, South Yarra, French food (could you tell from the name?)

2007-11-17T16:51:00.000+11:00

[Originally published on the 11th Sept 2006]

France Soir

11 Toorak Rd, South Yarra

phone: (03) 9866 8569

prices: entrees high teens, mains low to mid 30s

Cuisine: der.

Last week our neighbour-Denis-who-is-moving-to-Hong-Kong said he would take us out for dinner to say thanks for the highly embellished reference I wrote him (we used to work together) and told me I could pick the place...

Last night, we headed off for a slap-up feast a la Mr Creosote at France Soir, home of lovely French waiters (who in my experience are NOT snooty if you ask for condiments), and French-bistroiness. It's one of my fave places to eat, even though they once felt it necessary to point out to me that steak tartare is in fact raw (admittedly I was pretty young at the time, I guess it's possible I might not have known and therefore freaked out at being served a plate of raw mince with a raw egg yolk on top...). To start with, they bring you delicious French bread and unsalted butter. No wanky dishes of oil here. And they offer you more once you guts the first lot, rather than glare at you balefully should you dare to ask, as Oliver did, for more. We followed the silver baskets of bready goodness by sharing a dozen oysters (freshly shucked when you order them), which came on a large dish of crushed ice and were accompanied by a niftily-carved lemon and a small dish of some sort of sauce (it was delicious and I think it had garlic in it, and maybe a bit of soy. Hard to say). Very good oysters. I had a fillet steak with bernaise sauce, which was utterly delicious. My dining companions had veal (poor baby cows) and minute steak. We accompanied the lot with a very nice bottle of red (it was French but I don't have a clue what it was - I will say that the wine list was in length comparable to an Umberto Eco novel) and some shared vegetables - peas & carrots with bacon lardons (which it turns out are lovely fatty cubes of bacon) and mash, and they brought pomme frites (as the French call French fries) to the table which we hadn't even ordered, which was a bonus. Although actually it's possible Denis ordered them sneakily to avoid my disapproval of the ordering of two different sorts of potato. Most of the mains don't come with veg or salad, so you do have to order them seperately.

The veal, which came in a mushroom and white wine sauce was pronounced "exotic" by Denis (although exactly how veal in a mushroom sauce could possibly be exotic I am left wondering), and also "delicious". And the minute steak disappeared (fittingly) in about a minute, accompanied by a red wine sauce, so there didn't seem to be any complaints about that, either. The pomme frites were eaten with the remainder of my bernaise sauce, so there was no need to ask for mayonnaise.

The steak tartare on a previous occasion was delicious - they prepared it "to taste" meaning you can ask for the requisite amount of spiciness and make sure it's not too full of capers (do ask about this as the time I didn't I found there were WAY too many capers). It's not as good as the steak tartare at the Macleay Street Bistro (73a MacLeay St Potts Point, (02) 9358 4891) in Sydney (where I've been told if you're lucky you may spot Paul Keating grabbing a bite of dinner), but it's pretty good. They bring yet more pomme frites with it, but I prefer to ask for some extra bread. There's nothing like steak tartare on some soft white bread with a thick layer of butter (insert Homer-style drooling here), although for anything other than tartare or a bread pudding I'd rather a rye or at least a grainy bread.

Also well worth it are the French onion soup, which is satisfyingly hearty and cheesy, and the salad with blue cheese dressing. I have had blue cheese dressing in other establishments, only to find it either too cheesy or not cheesy enough, but like Goldilocks, I found the blue cheese dressing at France Soir just cheesy enough.

If you're a vegetarian - one of the crazy sort who doesn't eat seafood at any rate (we all know it's okay to eat fish cause they don't have any feelings) - go somewhere else for dinner. You're not going to get any love here. Other than salads, there are not really any vegetarian options on the menu (even the peas have bacon in them, for heaven's sake), and they are not all that likely to be obliging if you ask, as the woman on the next table found out when she did. The waiter went away to confer with the kitchen staff and came back to tell her "We can do you some steamed vegetables" (in snooty French accents). Eventually it seemed they settled the matter of an entree by offering her an asparagus and caviar entree "without the caviar".

The dessert was the crowning glory of the evening. Denis ordered a latte, Mr H had a Cafe Royale (which was delish, I tried it), and I had an Earl Grey tea. Unlike some places that do nice coffee but then give you a tea bag if you want tea, the tea was made with leaves, came in a proper pot, and (as requested) was nice and weak (nothing is more disgusting than strong Earl Grey tea - or even worse, milk in Earl Grey tea. People who drink Earl Grey tea with milk shall die by the sword when I rule the world. But I digress). And then came the Creme Brulee, with three spoons - there was unfortunately no way we were going to be able to fit in a dessert each, much as I was simply longing for the Isles flotant, which consists of floating clouds of soft meringue in a light sky of vanilla. But the Creme Brulee was the King of Creme Brulees, crunchy slightly burnt toffee surface, with light cremey goodness beneath. Despite the fact that we were all so full we were threatening to explode like Mr Creosote the dessert disappeared directly.

I can only say it was lucky they didn't offer us a wafer-thin after dinner mint, or there would have been an incident.

URBAN SOUL, Williamstown, wood fire pizza

2007-09-26T19:59:00.000+10:00

[Originally published 30 June 2006]

Address: 68 Stevedore St, Williamstown
Tel.: (03) 9397 6601
Open: Wed-Sun 4pm-late
Kids: Room for a pram if you book, which you are advised to on a Sat. They also have highchairs.
Prices: $10 vegetarian, $13-$14 meat, $15 seafood (standard sizes)
License: Currently BYO but license is on the way
Parking: free in street and in Cox’s Garden opposite

Ok, so trendy pizza with the ‘less is more’ attitude to toppings is hardly new, but out here in the west we’re a bit deprived. I’m happy to report that we’ve finally got our first groovy pizza café in Williamstown. (Sam’s Boatshed also does wood fire pizza, but you wouldn’t call it groovy…)

The modern interior design was done by some local designer, but the owners didn’t like the feature wall and so put their own up to cover it! Bare plywood is mounted on the whole left hand wall like an empty canvas just waiting for splatterings of pizza sauce and rejected ingredients the unruly kids didn’t like, not to mention sneezes from my 4 month old bubba in an ode to Pro Hart. Otherwise, funky green paint and a banquette seat lining one wall are the features in this chic (for pizza) café.

Pizzas. I’ve tried at least 8 of them so far, both eaten in and taken away, and they’ve all been good. The crusts are all thin so a standard size is not too much for one. There’s a few interesting ingredient combinations like #10 which has lime peppered chicken, crispy bacon and corn kernels with mozzarella & sour cream and a napoli base. Other out of the ordinary gourmet toppings include fresh pineapple, baby spinach, fior di late (cheese, like a big bocconcini), roasted pumpkin, fresh basil leaves, fresh chives, white bait, tandoori chicken, caramelised onion, goats cheese, fetta, walnuts, and sweet potato.

The best pizza I've tried is #19 – prawns & scallops, cherry tomatoes, mozzarella drizzled with basil pesto and a napoli base. The prawns are decent sized, the scallops are small but fresh and the pesto gives it oomph.

However, if you’re not into seafood on pizza, next best is either #15 (hot calabresi salami, roasted peppers, crushed olives, mozzarella drizzled with basil pesto and a napoli base), or if you like it fairly simple, #16 (prosciutto, mushroom, cherry tomatoes with fior di latte & mozzarella with a napoli base).

Vegetarians will marvel at no less than 7 vegetarian options, plus there’s another 3 seafood selections including tuna, smoked salmon and whitebait.

Of the 20 pizzas on offer, there are only 7 with meat and not a single shred of nasty pizza ham in sight. But don’t get me wrong, the meat options are delicious too! I have actually tried #10 and it was good – you just need to put the corn thing out of your mind, close your eyes and enjoy!

There are also 4 salads on the menu and the other week there was some offer in the local paper where you got a free side salad - information which they happily volunteered and gave us the salad anyway!

There’s also a couple of desserts to choose from, freshly made on the premises. So fresh in fact that my lime tart wasn’t set properly, a fact they warned me of, but at 7.30pm I felt within my rights to be disappointed. I’m sure it was just a teething issue in the first 2 weeks of trading.

Coffee: well by rights it should be ok as it is Grinders, but let’s face it, you don’t go there for the coffee. Ours tasted burnt.

Service was very good both times, always exceptionally friendly. Then again, we tend to get lots of strangers talking to us now that we dine with bubs in tow.

I know there is also some deal going on with the video shop around the corner where you pay about $35 and you get 10 video/dvd rental deals and 5 take away pizzas. Given this and the location just off Douglas Pde, they are clearly aiming themselves at the local market, however, given the western desert for flash pizza, the market is big.

In summary, yes I’d go there again and it has now become our standard source for take away.

EQ Cafe Bar

2007-03-24T15:08:00.000+11:00

Melbourne Concert Hall
100 St Kilda Road
Southbank VIC 3000
Owner - Dur-é Dara

When you have tickets for a show at the Arts Centre for an 8pm start time and you are seated at your table, no, make that bar in front of the ginormous coffee machine at 6.10pm, you don’t want to wait an hour between your entrée and your main. This causes anxiousness in diners and more than a few murmurings on walking out, complaining to the diminutive, elegantly dressed, harried round figure of Dur-é and of course, writing a review on how wronged you were by the dining experience.

We had tickets to Weird Al at Hamer Hall so we decided to forgo the temptations of Fed Square and give EQ a chance. I had gone a long time ago, when it first opened to positive reviews and great expectations, after all, an enviable location and an Australian culinary entrepreneur with stellar experience under her … caftan? Yes, I think it was a caftan, very flowy, much like a round coffee bean nestled in a truffle – but I digress.

We were told at the door by a wait staff (I am not going to mention how wrong it is for wait staff to be allowed to work with huge cold sores on their lips, ew!) that the only table available was at the bar. Okay, we were happy to take that, after all, I had already mentioned how good the fish cakes were … so we sat and perused the wine list, then the menu – the wine list is quite good, a wide range of local and international reds, whites and all the other drinkables in between. Recommended is the Wairau River Estate Riesling as its quite light and fresh with passionfruit and pepper notes. Great with fish.

After twenty minutes the barista conjuring out coffees ten a minute in front of us took pity on us and took our drink order, we didn’t want to take a risk of being ignored again so when he brought the drinks we asked if he could take our food order, I pretended not to notice the fleeting look of annoyance that flitted across his face before he said ‘sure’. We ordered fishcakes ($8) to share and these came about 7 minutes after orders, great.

They were as good as I remembered – crisp and crunchy on the outside, fluffy and tasting of baccalà and potato – served with a gorgeous red pepper dip and a few fresh rocket leaves. We were almost ready to forgive the wait for our order with the quality of the food. But it was not to be. Over an hour later with no one even so much as batting an eyelid our way to replenish our tepid water, empty drink glass or thunderous expressions. We were about to give up and just walk out when as if reading our minds, our mains arrived.

I had a sexy little salad of smoked chicken, Loganiza sausage, potato and grapes in a light mayonnaise sauce ($18) and my partner had spaghettini with a ragu of pork and beef ($23). Great flavours in both dishes, clearly chef Stephanie Maier and her crew are doing good things in the kitchen. The wait-staff who delivered our mains grudgingly brought over the basket of presliced bread and offered us a piece each - no bread plates, no butter. The rule of bread is, great bread no butter, average bread - don't serve it!

Sadly, like so many eating establishments out there, EQ sufferes from excellent food let down by shoddy service. Considering where they are located and the crowd they cater for, timing should be the strong point at EQ but it is severely lacking. As my dining partner commented, even if the food wasn’t as great, if the service was wonderful, you’d be more likely to come back because you would feel looked after. I would recommend booking ahead and not making plans for after if you want to experience good food in a vibrant atmosphere … that or just walk across to Fed Square.

Yeah Maan, South Yarra, Caribbean

2007-03-02T08:07:00.000+11:00

[Yay!!! Our first solicited review. Many thanks Mairead. Check out her website. Pretty cool. Uses flash and everything. - Chai]

Yeah Maan
Address: 340 Punt Road South Yarra 3141
Phone Number: (03) 9820 2707
website: www.yeahmaan.com.au

Price Range: $20-40 for a meal

Total price: $221 for seven, not including wine
$31 per person

There is only one Caribbean restaurant in Melbourne (well there is a cafe called Babble On Babylon but it is only open in the daytime). It happens to be that our local bus takes us straight there, through the city centre and out the other side, right to the nearest corner. Some friends had warned us that the food was good but the portions were tiny, but we needed to see for ourselves.

And so it was that we took seven mates along there one Saturday night to see if it was anything worth talking about.

Yeah Maan is a tiny terraced building, converted from a house, with enough seating for about forty downstairs and another small dining room upstairs. Instead of the expected reggae blasting out, we were delighted to hear some classic soca tunes. We had a reservation but they didn't seem to know anything about that. We were shown to the upstairs room, and although we had explained that it was a reservation for seven people, we were asked to sit at a smaller table until we insisted we needed more room.

Once everybody had arrived we were pretty desperate for a drink - or at least some glasses for our BYO wine. In the end Orlando obliged by going downstairs himself. We thought that might shake up the waitresses, but we waited quite a long time for anybody to come and see if we were OK. It was the girl's first night so she didn't know much, but she was sweet.

Apart from myself and Orlando, we had three people who had only eaten Caribbean food in our house (Mena, Eileen and Kelvin), and two people who had no idea what they were in for (Australian Ida and Italian Viviana). The Trinidadian doubles served up were generous and talked about for days; Mena's Stamp 'n' Go was a huge portion and absolutely divine. Orlando and I both had the Pick Up Salt Fish, which was saltfish mixed with onions, tomato and peppers served on a dumpling. It reminded both of us how much we love saltfish, and I promised to go get some and start cooking it again. Pity we can't get ackee anywhere though...

The chilly janga roti (chilli prawns) were not too hot and spicy, which was probably just as well for the virgins. You could probably ask for them to be made a bit hotter. Kelvin chose the aloo pies, a huge portion of spicy potato balls which were tasty enough but nothing exciting.

The mains were even better. Eileen was served an enormous portion of jerk chicken and cassava fries, which she struggled manfully to consume, but ended up pleading with everybody to finish for her. She said it was lovely, but not as nice as Orlando's (well, you can't get Walkerswood here either).

The curried goat was really lovely, but I forgot to ask for mine to be made hot, so although it was tasty there was no kick to it. Orlando had asked for his hot, but it wasn't much better than mine. The rice and peas were made with small kidney beans (guess what? No gunga peas in Aus...) but it worked fine. Mena scored again with the ginger tamarind chicken which was beautifully seasoned, a good strong kick. The calypso chicken looked good, but even for the virgins it seemed very mildly-flavoured.

The service didn't get any better. We helped ourselves to more napkins, water and fresh glasses from behind our personal minibar in the corner, and raided the other tables for new candles for the table. Even when we wanted the bill, it warranted another trip downstairs. Maybe if we had been seated down with everybody else it might have been better.

Nonetheless, we were not in any hurry and the relaxed vibe certainly didn't ruin the evening. We put the world to rights without fear of annoying other diners with our noise, we finished a few bottles of wine and enjoyed some fine West Indian food. The rumours of small portions were well and truly scotched, and we will definitely come back again for more.

Review written by Mairead.

The Stokehouse - St Kilda

2007-02-06T14:58:00.000+11:00

Address: 30 Jacka Boulevard, St Kilda, Victoria 3182
Phone Number: (03) 9525 5555
Functions Phone Number: (03) 9536 1135
Fax Number: (03) 9525 5291
email: stokehouse@theprince.com.au
website: http://www.stokehouse.com.au/

Upstairs
Lunch: 12pm - 2:30pm
Dinner: 6pm - 10pm

Downstairs
7 Days: 12pm - late

Price Range: $17 - $30 for a meal

Reviewer: BEVIS
Date: 6th February, 2007

Review:

Wifey, Sweetums and I took several family members out for dinner on Saturday night, and our restaurant of choice was The Stokehouse. We had a pram with us, and required a table for 12 (in order to cater to the pram - we were actually only 10 people).

The specials board promised a lovely-sounding lamb cutlets dish which we were informed had very small portions of lamb cutlets (instead focussing on the mash to fill the plate), so the seven or so of our number who intended to go with the lamb decided instead to order either the risotto or a gourmet pizza.

Naturally, I opted to go with the pizza option. I ordered ‘The Stokehouse’ pizza, which was basically a Mexicana. Wifey went with the risotto. She told me her meal was delicious and it certainly looked yummy (even to a non-rice eater like myself). Meanwhile, my pizza was spicy and perfect. Just the way I like it.

The Stokehouse, as seen from the beach

We dined ‘downstairs’ (there was a wedding reception being held upstairs), and were placed along a corner table. As we had Sweetums with us, we were eating somewhat early, but this meant we were treated to a beautiful sunset across the water – because the restaurant overlooks St Kilda beach.

The layout and organisation of The Stokehouse is such that after being seated, you make up your mind about your order, then walk to the bar and buy your meal and drinks there, giving the server your table number. When the meal comes, you’re free to eat it at your own pace, returning to the bar to buy more drinks if you want them.

This means that you’re not in a big rush to move on (no one is hovering, waiting to give you your bill), and when you finish your meal you can simply walk out (or stay for dessert if you wish). As for our group on Saturday night, we decided to follow our meal with a leisurely walk along St Kilda beach and an ice cream on the esplanade as a reward for avoiding all the syringes.

The Stokehouse (right) overlooking the beach (left)

The Stokehouse features a charming atmosphere, which – although noisy (the tiled floors make all sounds bounce around, creating quite a din which is not helped by the drunken surfers who were yelling at each other across the table) – really lifts the mood of the meal. There can be no doubt that the view helps a lot.

Parking can be a problem, as you’re in St Kilda and it’s $7 for anything longer than two hours, but if you’re travelling by tram or simply walking, it’s “behind Luna Park and a bit to the right”.

Some people (not us) enjoying
the outdoor dining section

Rating: I give The Stokehouse four out of a possible five stars.

Stars: ****

.

Flower Drum

2007-01-15T00:11:00.000+11:00

17 Market Lane Melbourne

How does one approach dining at Melbourne's renowned Flower Drum restaurant? Ideally with a bulging wallet and an empty stomach. I'd heard a lot of things about Flower Drum. Mostly, people coo about the service, and then hurry to add that the food is great too. This sits uncomfortably with the scourers of the Cheap Eat, the denizens of Victoria Street, the late afternoon market shopper. Why would you want to be waited on hand and foot? Doesn't it just get awkward? Especially when you're barely out of the Dishwasher Years yourself.

The first thing that happened, after being seated in the waiting area so our table could be adjusted from Table of five to Table of four when we had an unfortunate late cancellation, was that we were all seated at our table simultaneously. Four seats, four staff, holding four chairs and placing four bottoms on them with the grace of a square dance. Drink orders were taken. So far so good.

There was an awareness of hovering wait staff. Not weightless wait staff mind you, just wait staff who discreetly waited for a break in the conversation or an glass to be emptied and placed on the table to give way for a natural opening to approach the table. I can't decide whether this is too fussy or not. I must say I enjoy familiar and sassy wait staff too - like the waitress at Borsch, Vodka and Tears who took our order by straddling the back of a chair and downing several shots of vodka with us over the course of the evening's indulgences.

The light in the large divided room is quite subdued, and decorated with Chinese prints on the walls and the most immense and elaborate flower arrangement ever in the centre. Tables were placed far enough apart to not be party to neighbouring conversations.

After looking over the extensive menu (which had no marked prices) helplessly for some minutes the waiter suggested the set banquet. For the princely sum of $150 per head one could enjoy three set entrees followed by three set mains, fruit and tea. We negotiated a substitution (steamed dumplings for snapper) and we were off.

After enjoying a fantastic Pinot Gris, first up were the dumplings. Our table had a little side trolley which served as a workstation for our waiter, who assembled much of the food before serving. At the trolley our steamed dumplings were taken from their bamboo steamers and plated. As one would expect, they were translucent and perfect. I'm ashamed to say I've forgotten one of our entrees. But the last was definitely the quail san choi bao, which was perfect but probably out of all our dishes the one I would rate most easily found on par with "lesser" restaurants.

The mains started with the duck. And please indulge me here; after 37 years of eating quite well, and not being a crazed fan of duck, I have never tasted anything like it. If I go back (if I can ever afford to go back) to Flower Drum it will be for the duck. It was assembled side of stage: a soft floury crepe, smeared with a streak of plum hoisin was topped with spring onion, a strip of cucumber and a few pieces of deep crimson lacquered, crispy skinned Peking duck. We were told to "eat it like a sandwich", meaning fingers were allowed. It was heaven. The crepe itself was almost skin like in texture - not at all cold and rubbery, and there was a certain magic in the flavours. I used to dream of dumplings. I will now be dreaming of these little parcels of deliciousness.

By now, after two rounds of duck pancakes, I was beginning to feel quite full. Which was a great pity, as our lobster had just arrived. I turned down lobster. Do you see? I turned it down! I pushed it round my plate like a sulky 10 year old with a plate full of brussel sprouts. This was getting tricky. There was another course to go and I had no idea what it was going to be.

Off to our side of stage I saw our waiter slicing some steaks. Good gravy, surely we couldn't be expected to eat a steak at this late juncture? But indeed we were. Eye fillet, as tender as tofu, seared only enough to brown the outer, was sliced into fat strips and served. I've certainly never tasted anything like it, and it will be the second thing I go back to Flower Drum for. I'm not sure if it was wagyu beef, but it was impossibly succulent. My only regret is that I had eaten too much already and had to leave a portion of it uneaten. Wah!

One of the perks of the intense silver service was the warm damp towels served with each course. Much nicer than say, a shiny paper napkin of dubious absorbency.

If you want to eat at Flower Drum remember that bookings have to be made about three months in advance, which is about how long you should be saving your pennies for. And maybe cut down on the cream cakes for a while as well.

Saffron Cottage

2007-01-08T11:30:00.000+11:00

Saffron Cottage
1531 Burwood Highway, Tecoma
9754 8388

"It's a bit pricey for Indian Takeaway", someone grumbled at me when we were discussing Saffron Cottage. And yes, it is a bit more expensive than a cheap'n'cheerful takeaway place with beaded curtains to stop the flies and sticky plastic tablecloths. Then again, it's rather better food than you'd get from such a place. In fact, it's a proper restaurant (proper, in my limited definition, meaning it has linen tablecloths, waiting staff in smart clothes, a decent wine list, and let's not forget: good food).

They offer takeaway at 15% discount on the eat-in prices. Mrs. Banttha and I have two young 'uns, so we tend to eat takeaway far more often than we get to go out to dinner - hence, much of our interaction with Saffron Cottage is via the take-away they offer. Recently, Mrs. Banttha's mother came up to mind the Banttha boys, and we skipped out to enjoy a meal.

The interior decoration is interesting - a mix of rustic (exposed beams and rough wood panelling) and refined (rather swish bar, neatly-set tables, the usual stuff). It's got a cosy feel, despite being quite large. During winter they have the open fires going - the tables near those go really fast. During warm summer nights, the back porch, with its view up to the Dandenong Ranges National Park, is the place to be.

A lot of the menu is standard Indian restaurant fare that any self-respecting Melbournian would know. In my books, this is no bad thing. My sister has more than once accused me of being Lister from Red Dwarf - nothing suits me better than a hot curry and a cold beer. I'm sure she didn't mean that I'm a slob.

The curries are great - tender chunks of meat, and full flavour - even in their hottest vindaloo, all of the flavours come through beautifully. When we dined there I had the lamb rogan josh, with a glass of merlot (their wine list includes some decent reds, quite a few of them available by the glass). Mrs Banttha chose the mango chicken - between two such tasty meals, there was a long silence at our table, punctuated only by the clink of cutlery.

Two curries + rice and a serve of roti bread will set you back about $40. Add a couple of glasses of red wine ($5 - $6 per glass) and maybe a couple of entrees, and you'll still come in around $60.

It can get a bit busy at times, so booking a table for a peak night (Friday or Saturday) would be a good idea.

Quick summary: decor inviting, staff friendly, food excellent, wine list decent. Criticisms? I have none.

Menu for Hope

2006-12-19T22:16:00.000+11:00

Do you lie awake wondering some nights...

How can I feed the world while potentially earning myself some lush prizes? Wonder no longer. If you have a credit card and as little as $10 (US) to spare you really should go and see the people at Menu for Hope.

I've just parted with 10 shekels and I couldn't be happier - because even if I don't win that 10 course degustation menu dinner at Interlude I will certainly have put food into the mouths of hungry people. Maybe both? Dare to dream.

Last year this innovative online campaign raised US$17,000 for UNICEF in just twelve days. This year we are raising funds to support the United Nations World Food Programme and hope to raise much much more.

The prizes listed below have all been donated or sourced by foodbloggers across the Asia Pacific region. The generosity of individuals and businesses has been heartfelt and amazing. We hope to continue this spirit of goodwill by encouraging you to purchase raffle tickets for the prize/s you are interested in.

Here's what you should do...

Go to the donation page at http://www.firstgiving.com/menuforhopeIII.
Make a donation. Each US$10 will grant you one raffle ticket towards a prize of your choice. Please use the unique prize code to specify which prize or prizes you'd like in the 'Personal Message' section in the donation form. Do tell us how many tickets per prize, and please use the prize code eg. a donation of US$50 could be 2 tickets for AP01 and 3 for AP02.
For US donors, if your company matches your charity donation, please remember to check the box and fill in the information so we may claim the corporate match.
Please check the box to allow us to see your email address so that we could contact you in case you win. Your email address will not be shared with anyone.
Raffle ticket sales end on December 22, 2006. Check Chez Pim on January 15, 2007 when we announce the results of the raffle. Prize drawing will be done electronically. Our friend, the code wizard Derrick at Obsession with Food, is responsible for the wicked application that will do the job.

ASIA PACIFIC PRIZE ROUND-UP

Please check quarantine restrictions for your country before bidding on any food products.

The full round-up of prizes worldwide can be found on Chez Pim here.

The links to "more info" will be gradually updated to direct you to bloggers' specific posts on their individual prizes as they are progressively published.

EAT OUT AND SLEEP WELL
	BRISBANE: Dining voucher for AU$200 kindly donated by Baguette Restaurant: enjoy classic modern Australian fare with Asian and European influences at this picturesque bistro owned and run by the Domenech family for nearly 30 years. More info: Grab Your Fork Code: AP08
	HONG KONG: Dining voucher for two kindly donated by Felix, a Hong Kong landmark on the 28th floor of The Peninsular Tower. Designed by Philippe Starck, it's as famous for its killer interiors and views as it is for its food. Felix's new chef, American Jason Oakley, has a stunning pedigree. Formerly from the French Laundry and Alex at Wynn's Las Vegas, Oakley's own contemporary cuisine is putting Felix back on the culinary map. More info: Chubby Hubby Code: AP03
	KUALA LUMPUR: RM500 dining voucher kindly donated by El Cerdo in Tengkat Tong Shin, Kuala Lumpur, Malaysia. Chef Werner is at the helm of El Cerdo which specializes in porcine delights, and Babe thoroughly recommends the pork knuckle for two: "It's slightly different from the usual knuckle; the skin is rubbed and topped with herbs and garlic so in addition to being crispy, there is a fragrant herb aroma with a subtle hint of garlic. It tastes just wonderful." More info: Babe in the City - KL Code: AP29
	MELBOURNE: Win a AU$50 dining voucher kindly donated by Chilli Padi, Melbourne Central (two vouchers available in separate raffle draws). Feast on modern Asian cuisine or try their ever-popular Chilli Malam to satisfy cravings for a late night feast of hawker-style food. More info: A Few of My Favourite Things Code: AP23
	MELBOURNE: Win a AU$50 dining voucher kindly donated by Chilli Padi, Melbourne Central (two vouchers available in separate raffle draws). Feast on modern Asian cuisine or try their ever-popular Chilli Malam to satisfy cravings for a late night feast of hawker-style food. More info: A Few of My Favourite Things Code: AP24
	NEW! MELBOURNE: Win a AU$150 dining voucher kindly donated by Gingerboy. Savour all the sweet, sour and chilli bite expected in Asian food and just the right amount of kick. "The chilli might sting your aunty but it won't ruin your date," says Ed. Gingerboy has a great cocktail list and really bustles, even on a Tuesday lunchtime. With a somewhat pricey menu, this is your chance to experience it for the price of a raffle ticket. More info: Tomato Code: AP45
	MELBOURNE: Degustation dinner for two with matching wines* kindly donated by Interlude (valued at AU$400). British chef Robin Wickens worked in a number of top London restaurants including Pied a Terre, Bibendum and The Glasshouse before arriving in Melbourne in 2000. Awarded "Best Young Chef" by the 2005 Age Good Food Guide, Interlude offers modern French with innovative twists. *Please note Winning voucher not valid on Saturday evenings. More info: At My Table Code: AP18
	PHNOM PENH: Dinner at Romdeng in February 2007 accompanied by Karen Coates, author of Cambodia Now. Karen is keen to take you to Romdeng, a fantastic, elegant nonprofit restaurant serving classic Khmer food. Run by the NGO Mith Samlanh (Friends), this program helps street kids in just about every aspect of life. The Romdeng staff all came from the streets, and they're learning to work as chefs, waiters and waitresses. More info: Rambling Spoon Code: AP19
	SINGAPORE: Dining voucher for four with wines kindly donated by Iggy's (valued at S$1200). An intimate 28-seater on the third floor of the Regent in Singapore, Kevin Gould from The Guardian considers it "the subtlest, most satisfying east/west cuisine" he's ever eaten. More info: Chubby Hubby Code: AP01
	SINGAPORE: Weekend stay in a suite plus dining voucher kindly donated by The New Majestic Hotel. This cutting-edge boutique hotel offers 30 different rooms each designed by upcoming Singaporean artists. The Majestic Restaurant offers modern Cantonese. This is hip, funky and utterly chic. More info: Chubby Hubby Code: AP06
	SYDNEY: 10-course degustation menu for two people with matching wines kindly donated by Becasse Restaurant (valued at AU$320): 'Restaurant of the Year' and with two hats awarded by the Sydney Morning Herald Good Food Guide 2007, head chef Justin North and the team at Becasse serve Modern French food in warm yet elegant surroundings. The Swarovski crystal chandeliers are something else too. More info: Grab Your Fork Code: AP09
	SYDNEY: AU$200 dinner voucher for two kindly donated by Ocean Room: head chef Raita Noda promises modern coastal cuisine with Japanese and Mediterranean influences using only supremely fresh seafood. You have to go just to check out his amazing fishtanks! More info: Grab Your Fork Code: AP10
	NEW! SYDNEY: Dining voucher worth AU$200 kindly donated by Perama. Enjoy the various tastes of Greece through the ages. Head chef David Tsirekas is happy to design a menu for you and match it with some of the best boutique wines in Greece; or choose your own, from a menu that includes the Moorish flavours of the Byzantine and Ottoman Empire, with dishes like Honey Peppered Figs or Pork Belly Baklava with Date and Mastic Sauce. They also offer caramel baklava ice cream and their olive oil ice cream is unbelievably tasty. More info: Grab Your Fork Code: AP46
	SYDNEY: 10-course degustation menu for two people with matching wines kindly donated by Tetsuya's: Wakuda Tetsuya is renowned for his progressive state-of-the-art dishes that marry Japanese philosophy with classic French technique. Tetsuya's was recently awarded 5th best restaurant in the world. An amazing dining experience. Tetsuya promises that he'll prepare a very special meal for the winner. More info: Chubby Hubby Code: AP02
TASTY TREATS AND KITCHEN TOOLS
	Two knives: a Kasumi 20cm chef's knife and a Hattori HD 17cm Santoku knife kindly donated by Razorsharp. Both knives are made in Seki city, Japan, famous for its knifemaking expertise, with superb cutting edges that stay sharper for longer. More info: Chubby Hubby Code: AP04
	NEW ZEALAND ONLY: NZ$100 gift voucher kindly donated by Truffle Food & Wine. An emporium of hard-to-find imported gourmet goodies, this is your chance to treat yourself to Nielsen Massey vanilla extracts, Poddi Tartufi truffle products and more. Please note that shipping cannot be made to post office boxes or addresses outside of New Zealand. More info: Laughing Gastronome Code: AP07
	Wagashi Japanese sweets making-kit kindly prepared and donated by Obachan, containing: 1 packet mochiko rice flour; 2 packets shiro-an sweetened white bean paste; flat picks, serving plates and Japanese paper for serving; 4 cookie/vegetable cutters in the shape of a maple leaf, cherry blossom, ginkgo leaf and plum blossom; and recipes in English for making ichigo daifuku (strawberry and sweet bean paste in rice cake) and nerikiri sweets. Photo courtesy of Obachan More info: Obachan's Kitchen and Balcony Garden Code: AP16
	Half-kilo bag of Cambodian Kampot peppercorns kindly donated and sent straight to you by Phil. Describing pepper as decadent seems to be something that was lost in the High Middle Ages; a decadence that the manganese rich soils of Kampot have managed to retain. "Never in my life have I been tempted to eat a spoonful of unadulterated peppercorns straight out of their plastic bag," says Phil. The vacuum-packed bag will be posted straight from Kampot, and if you're in Phnom Penh, he will also add a meat tray to the value of 80,000 riel or your choice of Cambodian beer to the same value. More info: Phnomenon Code: AP17
	Two 500g jars of honey, 300g pack of honeycomb and a beeswax parcel kindly donated by Malfroy's Gold (valued at AU$30). This new company has been set up by a migratory bee-keeping family, and although based in the Hawkesbury/Blue Mountains region they move 1000 hives all over the state to find the best 'honey flow' for their bees. All products are 100% natural and made only from what their bees produce. Specialists in pure Eucalyptus honeys, they also sell premium raw beeswax 'bullions' - perfect for use in furniture polish, woodworking, candle making, and natural cosmetics. If you pick up your prize from their stall at the Blackheath Farmers Market, they'll throw in something extra as well! More info: Grab Your Fork Code: AP22
	Cupcake/cake decorating kit kindly created and donated by Santos (valued at US$60). This personally created kit includes a selection of seasonal cupcake liners, mini espresso cups, mini cutters, a set of three decorating icing tips with disposable plastic cones, food colour gels, various sugar decorations (including edible glitter, coarse sugars and shapes), chocolate sprinkles and nonpareils, and other edible novelties. Photo courtesy of Santos. More info: The Scent of Green Bananas Code: AP25
	Japanese bento box starter kit kindly created and donated by Santos (valued at US$60). This personally created kit contains a copy of Eric Gower's "The Breakaway Japanese Kitchen" cookbook, one bento box container, a set of chopsticks in a handy travel case, and various essential bento supplies like decorative cups and papers, plastic soy sauce containers, mini cutters and rice molds. Photo courtesy of Santos. More info: The Scent of Green Bananas Code: AP30
	Traveller's dark chocolate sampler kindly collected and donated by Chika who is currently traveling through the US and Europe. Your sampler set will contain 5 or 6 exquisite plain dark chocolate bars, each 2-4 oz / 50-100 g with minimum 70% cacao, from selected American and European chocolatiers. These may include such devoted chocolate makers as Recchiuti Confections of San Francisco, US, and Bonnat of Voiron, France. She will also include one or two extra tasting pieces of milk, white or flavored chocolate. More info: She Who Eats Code: AP31
	'Boite a biscuits' tin French storage tin filled with trinkets kindly donated by Y. This adorable little biscuit tin was purchased from The Bay Tree (value AU$45) and will be filled with a surprise selection of handpicked items, mostly biscuit-related and will also include things like Y's favourite tea. More info: blog.lemonpi.net Code: AP36
	EXTRA PRIZE! Hamper filled with Fair Trade products kindly purchased for donation by Georgia and an autographed copy of Simple Chinese Cooking by Kylie Kwong, who is a Fair Trade Ambassador. Included in your Fair Trade hamper are 3 x vacuum packs of coffee, 3 x 100g bars of chocolate, honey, jasmine rice, a handwash pump pack and a handbag as well! All products have been produced by people who were paid fairly for their goods. Photo of hamper courtesy of Mocktale More info: Mocktale Code: AP40
	NEW! Tonfisk designer ceramic teapot and tea kindly donated by T Connection (valued at S$195). This stylish Tonfisk teapot exudes Scandinavian elegance - all Tonfisk products are handmade in their workshop in Helsinki, Finland. The oak veneer-wrapped holder allows you to handle the teapot easily and helps keep your tea toasty warm as well. Test it out straight away with a cup of T Connection's Sunset Boulevard blend of loose leaf Earl Grey tea - the pack provided will provide many afternoons of sipping bliss. More info: Grab Your Fork Code: AP42
	NEW! $100 voucher kindly donated by Koko Black. Founded by Shane Hills, Koko Black produces some of the best chocolates in Melbourne. Their hot chocolate has been voted the best in Melbourne by the Herald Sun but that's not all they do well--the house truffles are on the favourites list for locals too. With three stores in Melbourne to choose from, there's plenty of choice and opportunity for the discerning chocoholic. More info: A Few of My Favourite Things Code: AP43
	NEW! SINGAPORE: Six-course high tea for six people kindly created by Julia. Pamper your family, friends or workmates with a sumptuous high tea. Choose from a menu that includes as fried beehoon, kimbap (Korean-style futomaki), hiyashi chuka (Japanese cold noodles), steamed savoury pumpkin cake, mini pies, Indonesian kueh-kueh (pastries), and chocolate-covered strawberries. Starters, light main courses and dessert will be packed in microwave-proof plasticware and ready to serve. Please note: This voucher can be claimed from March 1, 2007 to November 30, 2007, at a date mutually agreeable by both the winner and Julia. Please allow at least 3 days notice. The prize is self-collection in Outram area, or delivery can be arranged at a transport charge of S$15.00. Photo of hamper courtesy of Aroma Cookery More info: Aroma Cookery Code: AP48
LIFT YOUR SPIRITS
	Bottle of handmade cherry vodka kindly made by tankeduptaco to an authentic Polish recipe, with only the care and attention a dedicated foodie could give. Made from sun-kissed sour cherries, sugar and a mixture of distilled spirits, this liqueur is the essence of cherries with a distinctive cherry kernel flavour. Fantastic by itself or even drizzled over ice cream, it is the perfect liqueur for every occasion and valued at over AU$50. Photo courtesy of Tomato. More info: At My Table Code: AP12
	AU$100 gift voucher kindly donated by The Prince Wine Store, one of the more serious wine shops in Victoria, Australia, with tastings of local and imported wines every weekend. Up-and-coming wineries are featured along with established stars, and their imported wine list is second to none. Wine education courses are available as well as special wine dinners, often with the winemakers. More info: At My Table Code: AP33
	*Reference book: Wine Atlas of Australia* by James Halliday kindly donated by Hardie Grant Books (valued at AU$79.95). This is the first book to comprehensively map all the wine regions – and there are over seventy – in Australia. A definitive work on Australian wine by one of the country's top wine writers, Halliday examines the types of grapes grown, soil, climate and winegrowing history, and also introduces the most famous and respected wineries, winemakers and their signature wines. More info: Tomato Code: AP37**
FEASTS FOR THE EYES
	A collection of 7 cookbooks and travel books kindly donated by Editions Didier Millet. The set includes: Hot Chefs Hip Cuisine (original recipes from from 34 of the world’s most daring chefs, including Charlie Trotter, Ferran Adria, Michel Troisgros, Gordan Ramsay and Tetsuya Wakuda); New Chinese Cuisine (chronicling how the chefs at the respected Tung Lok Restaurant group are revamping classic dishes from Sichuan, Hunan, Beijing and Canton); The Six Senses Cookbook (featuring innovative fusion cuisine from resorts and spas in the Maldives, Thailand and Vietnam); and four books from the the Chic series: Shanghai Chic, Singapore Chic, India Chic, and South Africa Chic (history, culture and reviews and listings of each desination's coolest hotels, restaurants, spas, shops and bars). More info: Chubby Hubby Code: AP05
	*Cookbooks: Let it Simmer* by Sean Moran and Where the Heart Is by Karen Martini (value AU$110) kindly purchased for donation by stonesoup. Karen Martini is known to many for her weekly cooking features in Sunday Life magazine and her regular segment on Better Homes and Gardens. Sean Moran is the head chef and owner of Sean's Panorama at Bondi. More info: stonesoup Code: AP11**
	Unique personalised food history for the winner's day of choice kindly crafted by The Old Foodie. This would include commentary on food-related historic events for the day, at least one historic menu and a selection of old recipes that fit the various themes. It would be anything from 4-8 pages, and could be emailed or mailed. A uniquely personal birthday treat for yourself or a food-loving friend. More info: The Old Foodie Code: AP13
	*Cookbook: Taste Favourites* published by Taste Magazine, New Zealand (valued at NZ$35) kindly purchased for donation by winosandfoodies: a compilation of 70 recipes that includes easy finger foods, recipes for entertaining and plenty of ideas for mid-week meals, baking and desserts. More info: winosandfoodies Code: AP14**
	*Non-Fiction: A Cook's Tour of New Zealand* by Peta Mathias (valued at NZ$59.95) kindly purchased for donation by Arfi: a food lover's tour of New Zealand with an A-Z of favourite producers and suppliers, and accompanied by recipes and beautiful photos. More info: Homemades Code: AP15**
	*Non-Fiction: Cambodia Now: Life in the Wake of War, signed and donated by the author Karen Coates, a freelance journalist who is an Asian correspondent for Gourmet and author of Rambling Spoon. Reviewer Andy Brouwer describes Cambodia Now as "a must-read for anyone seeking to delve below the flimsy veil of idyllic Cambodian life that most of the tourist hordes see and believe is the real Cambodia." More info: Rambling Spoon Code: AP20*
	*Cookbook: Instant Entertaining* by Donna Hay (valued at AU$49.95) kindly purchased for donation by Anh: this latest cookbook from Donna Hay offers simple yet stylish recipes to cover a range of occasions. Impress your dinner guests with modern dishes that look great on the plate but don't take hours to create! More info: Food Lover's Journey Code: AP21**
	Cookbooks: Set of six mini books on Malaysian cuisine kindly donated by Babe. Published by Periplus, this set includes: Malaysian Favourites by Wendy Hutton; Malaysian Cakes and Desserts by Rohani Jelani; Nyonya Favourites by Lee Geok Boi; Eurasian Favourites by Wendy Hutton; Homestyle Malay Cooking by Rohani Jelani and Delicious Asian Seafood by Lee Geok Boi. More info: Babe in the City - KL Code: AP26
	Cookbooks: Two books with a Nyonya theme kindly donated by Babe. Nyonya Flavours: A Complete Guide to Penang Straits Chinese Cuisine is jointly published by The State Chinese (Penang) Association and Star Publications (M) Bhd showcasing the history, cuisine and recipes of Penang Nyonyas. The second book, Hawker's Kuih-Muih Favourites, published by Famous Cuisine, is a bilingual edition in Chinese and English. Although not specifically Nyonya, the abundance of cakes and sweets is fitting. More info: Babe in the City - KL Code: AP27
	Cookbooks: Two cookbooks on vegetarian cuisine kindly sponsored by Babe's hubby KK. Azrah Kamala Shashi's Vegetarian Feasts (Celebrity Chef's Cookbooks series) is published by Times Edition and includes mouthwatering Chinese, Indian, Malay, Thai and Western recipes. Also included is Over 80 Great Vegetarian Cuisines published by Famous Cuisine, a Chinese-English bilingual edition that focuses mainly on Chinese style vegetarian fare. More info: Babe in the City -KL Code: AP28
	*Cookbook: Air Tangan Tengku Puan Pahang: Masakan Tradisional Pahang* - a book of traditional Malaysian recipes kindly donated by Robyn. Printed in both English and bahasa Malaysian, this compilation by the wife of the Pahang Crown Prince features 155 recipes from 11 districts of Pahang state. Richly illustrated with photographs and accompanied by unusual and delicious recipes not published elsewhere, this hardcover book is perfect for the coffee table and a must-have for anyone interested in regional Malaysian cooking. More info: Eating Asia Code: AP32**
	Non-Fiction/Cookbooks: Autographed set of four books by Anthony Bourdain including Nasty Bits, A Cook's Tour, Kitchen Confidential and Anthony Bourdain's Les Halles Cookbook. If you have yet to be acquainted with the no-nonsense style of writing by Bourdain this is your chance. If you have, I bet you don't have an autographed copy! More info: Cha Xiu Bao Code: AP34
	*Non-Fiction/Cookbook: Sunday Lunch* by Gordon Ramsay kindly donated by Hardie Grant Books (valued at AU$45). Ed says "What surprised me [is] this really is a practical down-to-earth cookbook. Lots of books from top-rated chefs border on the pretentious and suffer from requiring too many difficult-to-search-out ingredients. Not this one. It's brilliant." More info: Tomato Code: AP38**

	*NEW!Cookbook: Menu Degustation - Tasting Menus of New Asia Cuisine* by Anderson Ho kindly donated by Joone (valued at US$30). Singaporean chef Ho is famous for his innovative splicing of Eastern and Western technique. Perhaps you live too far from his restaurant Le Papillon to visit, but you can certainly live vicariously through this degustation-style cookbook which includes recipes for green pea cappuccino with green tea sorbet, and Earl Grey tea ice cream with churros. More info: Nibble and Scribble Code: AP41**
DELICIOUS EXPERIENCES
	UPDATED! SYDNEY: Complimentary place in the six-week Writing About Food short course (valued at AU$345) hosted by acclaimed food journalist John Newton and kindly donated by the UTS Centre for New Writing. This six-week program is a perfect introduction to food journalism and food writing, with a feedback component for student assignments. Please note This prize is valid for the first 2007 session of this program commencing Tuesday January 30. Classes will be held every Tuesday 6pm-8pm 30 Jan-6 March at the UTS City Campus near Railway Square, Broadway. More info: Cucina Rebecca Code: AP35
	MELBOURNE: Biscuit tin containing a voucher for a midweek Retreat Facial kindly donated by Bodyfreedom Urban Retreat (valued at AU$120). This 75-minute luxury pampering includes a cleansing footbath, relaxing back and neck massage, and facial (deep cleansing, double exfoliation, skin type-specific mask and lymphatic drainage face massage) before your body is gently rewoken with ritualistic Balinese body palming as well as a scalp and feet massage. More info: Tomato Code: AP39
	NEW! BANGKOK: Custom tour of Bangkok including transport and meals hosted by Austin (valued at US$150). An American ex-pat who has been living in Thailand since 1999, Austin can speak, read and write fluent Thai. He will take you to two of Bangkok's most vibrant markets, a couple of well-respected restaurants and street stalls, as well as other interesting non food-related sights. This is a unique opportunity to experience the marvels of Bangkok with a multi-lingual foodie who takes amazing photos to boot. Photo courtesy of Austin More info: Real Thai Code: AP44
	NEW! Creative Zen V Plus 2Gb mp3 player kindly donated by ST. Perfect to store and display all your food photos, you can also play all your favourite tunes whilst you cook, or watch videos whilst you wait in the supermarket queue. Features a 1.5 inch full colour OLED Display, built in FM radio and many other features, packed into a tiny device that will fit inside almost any pocket. ST will also include a mystery food-related bonus: it may be a cookbook, tools or food. More info: Cheat Eat Code: AP47
	NEW! Ricoh Capilo R3 Digital Camera (used) with accessories kindly donated by Ivan (he has recently upgraded). This one-year-old 5.1 megapixel camera boasts 7.1x optical zoom, 28-200mm wide angle zoom and the ability to take macro photos from 1cm distance - perfect for the budding foodblogger! Ivan will even include a tripod (new), camera bag (new), camera case (used) and a 5-piece cleaning kit (new). Check out a professional review of this camera here and some of his photos here and here. Photo courtesy of Ivan More info: food.recentrunes.com Code: AP49

PICK A PRIZE YOU'D LIKE TO WIN
DONATE NOW and
HELP US FEED THE WORLD'S HUNGRY

Raffle ticket sales available now until December 22, 2006
Winners will be announced on January 15, 2007 on Chez Pim

Menu for Hope III links:
Donation Page
Worldwide prize round-up on Chez Pim
More information on Grab Your Fork

Bismi's Gold An Fork, Melbourne CBD, Indian

2006-12-10T10:38:00.000+11:00

Venue: Bismi Gold An Fork
Address: 380 Elizabeth St Melbourne 3000
Phone: 03 96544060

[Apologies if one character appears more heroic than the other :-) - Chai ]

Chai : Welcome to the first tandem foodie review. Today Blogger X (anonymous, cos I hadnt consulted her regarding disclosure, which wouldnt have been a PROBLEM if she wasnt so BUSY as to being unable to complete this review. Anyway, henceforth known as X) and I (ditto C) are walking towards Bismi Gold An Fork, an Indian restaurant located near the north east corner of Elizabeth and La Trobe St, on the fringes of the Melbourne CBD.

X : Are we there yet?

Chai nods towards the shop sign that looms into view as they turn the corner onto Elizabeth St.

C : I do remember having difficulty finding this place the first time.

X : Is there a mis-spelling here?

[insert meaningless chatter about how it could be the “A” in error, which would make it GoldEn or the missing “D” which would make it “Gold and Fork” which is at fault. Ask them? Yes, that would be optimal but nowhere near as interesting.]

We enter the restaurant and it is reasonably busy. Tables are scarce and after a short strategy meeting, X goes to place her order while C mills around some potential leavers. Having been there several times before, C concludes that it is always like this, ie. difficulty in getting a table. This is one of the reasons why C doesnt come here as often. The other? It takes a little long to prepare your food, which is good and bad, whch C supposes.

C glances around and notes that the majority of the patrons appear to be from the subcontinent. This always bodes well, from a culinary perspective.

Having managed to snag a table (possibly cos the previous occupants felt uncomfortable with C hanging around close enough to hear their conversations), when X returned, they do the tag team and C goes off to place his order. The queue is reasonably long and is moving a little on the slow side.

[This is where X's impression of the place would have appeared].

C returns clutching his food docket. X is gently rocking to the Bollywood music in the background.

X : I like the music. It's good music.

C : Really? It's kind of loud. What did you end up getting?

It appears that X had ordered a Chicken Masala with some Roti and C had yet again ordered a Chicken Murtabak, for his murtabak research, apparently.

The PA annouces X's docket number. X's chicken masala looks good. The roti even better. It's crispy and flakey plus lots and lots of gastronomic adjectives.

X gently tears at the roti (a.ka. bread, colloquially), stroking the bread whilst making little strips from it. She tenderly dips the strips into the marsala and gently brings it up towards her slightly parted quivering lips, almost caressing it.

C : Ummm, dont wait for me.

As the slightly dripping soaked roti enters her mouth, X rolls her eyes, as the pleasure from that first mouthful envelopes all her tastebuds.

C: Good?

X makes some earthy throaty sound.

All that moaning and groaning was making C very hungry. C's docket number is eventually called and he goes to collect his murtabak. It too is served on a multi compartment stainless steel platter. In one of the compartments was some sort of curry gravy for the murtabak.

C (gulps) : Looks pretty good. Want to try some?

C cuts a bit off for X to try.

C : You like?
X makes another earthy throaty sound.

C: Homer Simpson, right?

X : Huh? Dont watch the Simpsons.

C : Hmm, my curry is a tiny bit sour for my taste.

However, on trying X's marsala, C remarks that her curry is certainly very tasty and superior to the one that C was given.

C finishes the rest of the murtabak without the curry, cos it really didnt need it.

[This is where X's impression of food would have appeared]

X : That music is really getting on my nerves.

C : I know what you mean.

All up, C's paid $6.50 for his murtabak and $2.50 for his coke and X paid a lot for hers.

C : Shall we go? There are all these people milling around waiting for an empty table and they're making me feel uncomfortable.

Rating : Chai gives this 7/10 for food and 9/10 for value.

There is a small possibility that X will append her version of events ala Rashomon.

Restaurant Air - Chadstone - A La Carte

2006-11-16T20:37:00.000+11:00

[Reprint. Originally published 18 June 2006]

Venue: Restaurant Air
Address: Level 1, David Jones Store, Chadstone Shopping Centre, Princes Highway, Chadstone
Parking: Free. David Jones carpark located Cnr Chadstone Rd and Dandenong Rd, entrance available from either road
Opening Hours: Mon - Wed 9am-5:30pm, Thurs - Fri 9am-9pm, Sat 9am-5pm, Sun 10am-5pm
Price Range: $7 for cake, $12-18 light meals
Link: http://www.davidjones.com.au/stores/chadstone.jsp

I have been to Restaurant Air on two occasions during the past couple of weeks. One was lunch on a weekend with my husband, Logan, and the other was dinner with a group of people from work on a Thursday night.

Being slightly boring (and a fan of the saying "If it ain't broke, don't fix it"), I ordered the Salt and Pepper Calamari on a bed of salad both times. On each occasion the dish was cooked slightly differently but both were delicious. At our lunch, Logan ordered the All Day Breakfast and proceeded to devour his plate of eggs, bacon, mushrooms, tomato, crusty bread and hash brown.

The staff were rushed off their feet. We were having some difficulty attracting the attention of the waiting staff after our ordered glasses of water failed to appear. Logan also requires copious amounts of sugar in his coffee and we couldn't catch anyone's eye to ask for an amount supplementary to the "one teaspoon" paper-encased serve that arrived with his drink. It was a fantastic cup of coffee all the same.

Prime position is a seat by the large window that stretches the length of the restaurant although I think this has more to do with the warmth of the sun coming through than the view of the car park...

Patrons were happily talking among themselves, camcordering sweet, young, cherubic children, or settling crying babies. (The restaurant _is_ accessed through the childrens' clothes section of the store.) There were also people queueing for tables so we decided against staying for something from their beautiful array of cakes, which I have gladly sampled on a previous occasion, and continued with our shopping.

Dinner with some of my work friends was a more sedate affair and, with a smaller number of occupied tables in the restaurant on this occasion, we had just the right amount of attention lavished on us. The others on my table ordered the Fish and Chips, Tandoori Chicken salad with mango dressing, Steak and the Smoked Trout Tart. The Tart was so good that one member of the table asked for a copy of the recipe to be emailed to her and they dutifully took her details.

We decided that we had enough room for dessert and I ordered some Sticky Date Pudding which arrived warmed, surrounded by a moat of butterscotch sauce and with just the right amount of King Island Cream dolloped on the side. Yum! There were cheesecakes and lemon tart and someone ordered a Pavlova Nest with Berry Compote. Mmm, delicious.

Although we were a table of seven, they cheerily allowed us to each pay separately at the till at the end of the evening. We left the restaurant very satisfied and there was still enough time to do some more shopping at "Chadstone - The Fashion Capital".

All in all, they were very nice meals. I do recommend booking a table for lunch on the weekends if you are definitely wanting to eat there as it is a very popular spot. There can be problems with service when they are busy with a lunch crowd but any issues are quickly rectified if mentioned which is all, I think, you can ask for.

The food was great, they probably could have done with another member of staff on the floor the weekend we visited but I like the place all the same. Four out of five Toorak Tractors.

Reviewed by Riss.

Fifteen Melbourne

2006-10-24T21:52:00.000+10:00

Location:
Basement, 115 – 117 Collins Street (Enter through Georges Parade)
Melbourne Victoria 3000

Opening Hours:
Monday - Saturday, Lunch 12 to 3.00pm and Dinner 6 to 10pm
Closed Sundays

Reservations:
1300 799 415

(Image courtesy of Ms. Phil)

It wasn’t until after I finished my dining experience at Fifteen Melbourne that I really asked myself the question “Why is it that I chose to eat here tonight instead of say, Vue de Monde or Ezards or any other equally pricy degustation restaurant?”

Sure, the most obvious motive to dine at Fifteen is the restaurants’ relationship with Jamie Oliver himself. How can one not be attracted to the idea of a superstar chef whose knowledge and passion for fresh produce and a casual, slap-up approach to cooking has driven the once kitchen fearing water burner back into the cuccina. Those armed with one of Oliver’s many tomes and a willingness to undertake his Italian inspired fare-made-easy behave like they were born to it.

Oliver made cooking and food sexy again and the wives/girlfriends/lovers of the world thank him for it.

And with this already winning combination of excellent food and sexiness, let us add to the mix Jamie Oliver’s celebrity lifestyle which boasts Madonna, David Beckham and Brad Pitt as his best mates. Who wouldn’t want to spend a night at Fifteen in the hope that some of that elusive fairy dust might sit on your shoulders just for one night?

But let us not forget the Fifteen project itself? Most of us know about Oliver’s much publicised vision to provide employment opportunities for disadvantaged youngsters by bestowing them the skills and the framework to become superstar chefs not unlike himself. And it is indeed a truly wonderful idea. Even if the lustre of television and celebrity association tarnishes in time, these now fledgling chefs will eventually have the transferable skills to make a go of it in pretty much any commercial kitchen in the world. And that is a wonderful gift.

So is Jamie Oliver, the Fifteen program and the six month long wait list for a table reason enough for seven of my chums and I to spend an evening eating the finest food Fifteen can provide and to lay down a cool $1000 for the privilege of it?

And aside from the Oliver hyperbole as well as my beloved SJX's desire to have a photo taken with Toby Puttock from ‘Ready Steady Cook’, the fact of the matter is, I went to Fifteen primarily for the immensely glorified food.

And in short, the cuisine was horribly disappointing.

Being a self considered foodie-type, what with the considerable sum of my annual salary going towards my hedonistic lifestyle of good eating and drinking, given the reputations of all involved, my expectations were reasonably high.

But that burst of anticipation, swiftly vanished when I was presented with the six course tasting menu, which was given to us in a post-80’s fluorescent pink paint splashed folder, which didn’t seem to share any cohesion with all the other manner of fashionable funk displayed at Fifteen Melbourne. I can only describe this décor as something that will no doubt be out of style as soon as this current nu-wave revival decides to bury itself again for another 20 years. But more on this later.

A sinking heart followed my first course of proscuitto salad with peach, buffalo mozzerella and ‘micro’ herbs after it was presented to the table. All the ingredients were fresh of course, to go alongside the ethos of the establishment and presented in that discernable tasting size portions, but it was a just a little bit dull and certainly didn’t kick off the tasting menu experience and our enthusiasm for more.

This was followed by sardine fillets, baked with a pinenut, fennel seed and lemon zest. This dish was good but not radiant. The sardines were tender and moist, with a crust that was inventive and flavoursome. A resurgence of optimism came from our table after this dish however I couldn’t help feeling like the food wasn’t going to get much better.

Meanwhile, our vegetarian counterparts were presented with zucchini flowers with a basil aioli in lieu of the sardines. This dish looked green and well, saucy. It was difficult to tell what was actually sinking under the aioli. I didn’t get to sample this dish, however when I asked Elaine how it tasted, she responded with a lacklustre “Meh.” No points scored from the vegetarians on this one.

Moving right along to the pasta course, we were presented with some exceptional options and some that were not so great. I chose the Fifteen ravioli with bio dynamic ricotta, free range egg yolk and served with a white asparagus and butter broth. It was quite possibly the best item on the entire menu and an absolute gastronomic triumph. This pasta, with a hint of citrus and delicate, runny egg yoke nestled around the ricotta centre made me demand to see the man who made this dish so I could personally thank him for his efforts. It was utterly superb!

The other pasta courses were regrettably not as thrilling. An dreary stracci with cherry tomato, basil, balsamic and parmesan dish was seriously yawn inducing, and not because of its simplicity but merely because this tomato based pasta lacked any inspiration whatsoever. It was indeed the meal one makes for themselves when you can’t really be bothered cooking.

The pappardelle of rabbit ragu, mascarpone and parmesan didn’t rate so well either. The creamy mascarpone didn’t do the excessively salty and overcooked rabbit any favours. SJX frowned at the end of this course and someone at the other end of the table muttered “Why did that taste like milky fish?”

The remainder of the meal didn’t recover. The main of slow roasted lamb with alforno potatoes, spinach and black olive salsa was offered as cuts of meat that was so incredibly fatty, to actually consider it having any lamb underneath the fat at all was a doubtful conclusion. Oh, and did I mention that this ‘lamb’ was served cold? Unintentionally? My plate was cleared away with half of my meal still on it, consisting of cold lamb fat and a side of watery spinach.

Another main of grilled monkfish with Mount Zero Lentils and rainbow chard didn’t make it to the table until 15 minutes after everyone else had received their mains. And the verdict from Baby Dukes when asked? “It’s ok, I guess.” Hmmmm.

The vegetarian’s main option was crumbed eggplant with goats cheese and tomato sauce. Again, uneventful and left the vegos feeling ripped off at the lack of innovation with the cuisine.

A tiramisu ‘with a twist’ was presented as our dolce course. And the ‘twist’ was undercooked long grain rice in the bottom of a shot glass, topped with mascarpone and chocolate, served with crostolli sticks that were stale and coated in icing sugar.

The final course of bio-dynamic South Gippsland aged cheddar and a velvety double blue was enjoyed by the table, along with muscatels, pear and quince paste. The cheese was first-rate and appreciated given the calamity our taste buds tolerated throughout the sitting.

I also found it very difficult to relax at Fifteen. The hyper colour surroundings and intensely busy human traffic left me feeling rather unsettled. The décor is a mish-mash of unconsolidated styles (80’s urban graffiti meets Renaissance gilding meets Better Homes and Garden) and the designer seemed to not know what they wanted it to be. I did truly love the glass balls suspended from the ceiling doubling as herb pots, brimming with healthy sprigs of parsley and basil. Very cute indeed.

That’s not to say that the entire experience was a debacle. I must make special mention of the fact that the service was utterly, supremely flawless. Prudent wait staff made every effort to ensure our experience was pleasurable and endeavoured to grant our every whim including an introduction to the remarkable Paddy, gentle giant and Fifteen apprentice responsible for making the exquisite ravioli of eggy, cheesy love. Although our appointed waitress failed to deliver Toby Puttock to my beloved Shane for an introduction and photo-op (he was talking with his publicist, we were told), we noted that she did considerable leg work to oblige our request.

So would I eat at Fifteen again?

I am quite prepared to spend considerable sums of money on fantastic food but what I am not prepared to pay for is a reputation that doesn’t match its high calibre status.

I also don’t buy into the argument that because the chefs are students, I should perhaps not expect so much from Fifteen.

Would you be happy to pay the same prices if we were to eat similar substandard food prepared by an apprentice at another restaurant instead of the kids at Fifteen?

No?

Me either which is why you’ll not find me sitting at a table at Fifteen again.

I would much rather my money go to the William Angliss College and support the goals of their apprentices. I hear that the food is really very good and I am also comforted in the knowledge that the glory of cooking will forever be their own, and not Jamie Oliver’s.

In the provision of fairplay, please find a review from Vicious Ange who very much enjoyed the food at Fifteen.

Intermission

2006-10-19T07:26:00.000+10:00

I suspect everyone is fasting at the moment but in the meantime, here are some food related articles from 2 of the crew that appeared in Tuesday's (17 Oct 2006) Epicure section of The Age.

There is To the Queens Taste
and Put Your Talk Where Your Fork Is.

Plus if you want to have a look at what places have been reviewed, check out the index.

ps
Drop us a note even if it is just to say hi.

The Great Pie Round Up

2006-09-25T13:00:00.000+10:00

"'Um ... I know this may seem a somewhat esoteric question, but what's in the meat pies?'
'Meat.'
'And what kind of meat?'
'Ah, you want one of the gourmet pies, then?'"

Rincewind and Dibbler (Terry Pratchett, “The Last Continent”)

Well might you ask what’s actually in a pie. A veritable mystery parcel of tasty goodness. Though some of the carnivores shouldn’t look to closely to identify body parts (is that a snout I see?) or get too upset to find that the minimum 25% ‘meat’ content could legally be including soy protein into the count.

But here at We Do Chew Our Food we have it all - gourmet, homemade, frozen, vegan, big and small. Grab a comfy seat and enjoy The Inaugural Great Pie Review.

Four'n'Twenty pie
CWA Cafeteria, Royal Melbourne Show.
$4.00
Reviewer: Fluffy

Having lined up with the expectation that the CWA would be the place to get the quintessential home made country pie, there was, I'll admit it, crushing disappointment in the fact that the ladies were just there to stock the pie warmer. Still - best not let it affect objectivity.

*sniff*

Classic Four'n'Twenty pie, with (free) sauce.

Surprise twist! I give this pie a commendable 4 out of 5. The crust was buttery and crispy, the sauce was pleasantly sweet and vinegary. Temperature was perfect. The lost point is due to the filling which had an overly uniform 'slurry' texture.

Sargents Party Pies
Available from all good Supermarkets
Price: approx $5 for12 mini pies
Reviewer: debs

As a very infrequent pie eater (or anything with pastry/fat/tastes good for that matter), I wanted to get the most out of my pie experience. I opted for a pack of 12 Sargents Party Pies as my test subject for a fairly reasonable rate of around $5 for the packet.

With great anticipation I put the dozen pies (frozen) on a tray and popped them in the oven for the allocated 10-15 minutes. 25 minutes later and still with half cooked pies, my determination to eat those delectable morsels was wavering, but finally after around double the "suggested" time, they were ready!

The pastry was tasty and crisp, however the little "lids" of the pies didn't come off easily and if you, like me, enjoy the little ritual of peeling them off, putting in the sauce and putting the lids back on before eating, then like me you would have ended up with a rather mangled looking party pie in the end.

The meat/gravy combination was very pleasant with none of those little gristly bits that you often have to spit out of other, lesser quality party pies and overall myself and my pie eating companion were quite satisfied with our tasty and indulgent lunch.

Overall quality: Quite satisfied
Overall taste: Quite delicious
Overall appearance: Before ripping off tops, quite good: after, not so good
Overall rating: 4/5

Warning: Pulling off top and allowing centre to cool a little before consumption is well recommended. Those little buggers sure can scold!

Brumby’s Pepper Steak Pie
Brumby's, Williamstown
Cost:$3.50 bought cold and heated at home :-)
Reviewer: Liz

Pastry: flaky on top, with black pepper bits for decoration/identification. Sides uniformly textured and tasty.
Filling: plenty of fine mince in gravy and surprisingly no nasty or chewy bits. Not too much gravy either. A little heavy on the pepper for my taste but I guess you’d be annoyed if it were light on the pepper!
Pretty good. 4/5. Has to be chunky steak to score a 5 with me.

Herbert Adams Mixed Vegetable Pastie
$5.50 for 4
Reviewer: Susanne

So who knew pie shops were closed on Sundays? I do now. After finding the two pie shops I could think of shut I had to resort to a Herbert Adams Mixed Vegetable Pastie from Safeway ($5.50 for a pack of four). My god, it's not even a pie. Oh well, us vegetarians have to make the best of what's available I guess.

On the box the pie is described as "A delicious medley of the finest garden vegetables encased in our Famous Flaky Pastry." This is a, er, generous description.

The pie smelt yummy, and the pastry had a nice texture, but it was slightly bland, as were the "delicious medley" of vegies. It tasted nicer once I loaded on the "dead horse" to give it a bit of flavour (tomato sauce for those not down with aussie lingo).

Basically, the pie was as good as I would have expected a supermarket-bought product to be, and it filled a need. It was passable as an easy snack, but I don't think I'd buy this particular range again. I give it two stars out of five.

I'm still hanging out for the specialty pie I missed out on today, and a frozen product just doesn't compare...

Ferguson Plarre Steak Pie
From Ferguson Plarre at Victoria Market
$3.50 bought cold and heated at home :-)
Reviewer: Liz

Pastry: excellent. Evenly flaky and light on top, lovely flavour. I really wanted to do that rather unattractive thing I did as a kid, which was to eat the top and the filling and leave the pastry case until last! ...but I resisted as there were others present! Filling: excellent too! Tasty fine mince in gravy and again, no chewy or gristly bits. (Nasty bits ruin the whole experience in my view!)
4/5 As good a mince pie as you’ll find. Sadly, Ferguson’s don’t do a chunky steak pie.

Vegan, tofu topped pie

Natural Tucker: 809 Nicholson Street, North Carlton VIC 3054
Cost: $4.00
Reviewer: Another outspoken female

What makes a pie? A pastry case, a wet chunky filling? So what do we make of a combination of vegetables and rice in a spicy sauce sitting in a sourdough bread case, topped with whipped tofu and poppy seeds? Delicious! This is the pie you have when you are not having a pie, or when you are vegan. The pastry being animal product-free is non-greasy and won’t make you feel queasy, but on the downside – ‘aint got no flake. It is relatively thin and doesn’t dominate the experience, just provides a wholesome vehicle for the other ingredients. The vegetables included: sweet potato, potato, carrots, peas (10)* and a little brown rice in a thick tasty gravy.

Verdict: 4/5 - die hard followers of the meat pie probably won’t go for it but it’s a flavoursome and healthy variation.

* I hate peas, so anything under a dozen I can navigate my way around, without being seriously denied of content. I once counted 30 peas in a vegetable pastie, you can see why i didn't review that one!

Spinach, ricotta and pine-nut pie
Pie-supplier: Babka, 358 Brunswick Street Fitzroy
Pie-price: $4.55 takeaway or $9.75 (with bread, salad and chutney)
Reviewer: Michael from Where's the beef?

I had high hopes for Babka's pies - they figured in Cheap Eats' "Take 3 - Pies" and the vego options were enthused about specifically. The slight wait for tables at midday on a Tuesday was a further reason to expect particularly delicious food. There were two vegetarian pie options on the menu (as well as a pastie). I opted for spinach, ricotta and pine nut (which I'll eventually get around to reviewing), while Cindy had pumpkin, tomato and basil. The pies could be purchased takeaway on their own, but we were keen to sit and paid double to eat in, with bread, salad and chutney as accompaniments. The pastry was sprinkled with sesame seeds and was reasonably crisp, if not quite perfectly golden, while the pie filling was a pretty decent mix of wilted spinach and ricotta with just a smattering of pine nuts. The whole thing was fairly reminiscent of one of the cheap spinach and cheese filo rolls you can get for about two bucks from Baker's Delight, and while I enjoyed it (the chutney was particularly tasty), it didn't quite measure up to my expectations (or the price tag).

Rating: 3/5

Tony’s Steak Pie

Cost $3.00 or less if you do the pie drive thing.
Place: Tony’s Pies
341 Sommerville Road, Kingsville 3012
Reviewer: Husky Nutmeg

When my parents arrived in Australia in the 50’s, the only pies they knew about had fruit in them. Not having much of a grasp of English, Mum bought a few pies, which looked delightful, expecting to bite into a cold cinnamon spiced, apple pie. Needless to say, meat pies didn’t have much of a presence during my childhood.

So my review: I enjoyed my pie - it was meaty enough to taste like a meal and there weren't any ugly or chewy surprises. With my own judgement being arguably warped, I opted to share said pies with Mip and her cousins, aged between 5.5 and 9.8. The kids' verdict – too bland without sauce. There most definitely needs to be the addition of sauce and preferably chips on the side. Having said that, they added this could have been the best pie they ever tasted had their auntie/mother not cooked them in the microwave (What?!! They were hungry!).

Chicken Chasseur / Flemish Beef Pie

Belgian Beer Cafe Eureka
5 Riverside Quay
Southbank - Melbourne
Cost: $12.50 (...but it does come with a quenelle of potato mash, pea stoemp and gravy)
Reviewer: Mellie

The Belgian Beer Cafe is better known for its beer, pots of mussels and pomme frits than for its pies. But in the spirit of the inaugural "We Do Chew Our Food" Pie Review, I thought I would sample one of their lesser know menu items. And I must say, I am somewhat impressed (...the fact that I lined the stomach with a few crisp Hoegaardens did nothing to influence that summation either ;-))

The Elegant Gourmand and I divied up the two pies on offer - a Flemish Beef Pie that was tender and meaty in all the right places, but lacked a certain savoury punchy taste. Then the Chicken Chasseur Pie, which was an absolute winner. A flavoursome wine infused tomato sauce married tender chicken pieces, mushrooms, sliced onions, garlic and thyme into a tasty little parcel. The pastry was flaky and crisp, although the light gravy tended to saturate the pastry, causing sogginess (but it was moreish nonetheless). The filling was generous and of good quality; nice to find real meat in a pie for a change. The sides on the other hand were hit and miss. The hit was the use of real fresh peas in the pea stoemp (mash), the miss was the cold mash potato. But a nicely presented dish, although perhaps a little pricey for a "bar snack".

Rating:
Chicken Chasseur Pie: 5
Flemish Beef Pie: 3.5
The Beer: Priceless

Ed at Tomatom has blogged his review. No ratings, but you get the feeling he enjoyed every forbidden mouthful of his Baker d Chirico meat pie. Read about the delicious, gory details.

The "just proving the editor doesn't interfere with creative licence" review

Veggie korma pie
Location: Myer Bourke St, ground floor, food court.
Price: $2.something...(think it was half price cos it was almost 5:00pm)
Reviewer: Rachana

Served on a paper plate shoved inside a paper bag. The Pie looks yummy & is warm-ish. 1 shudn't need ketchup wit a gud pie, so i didn't get any. Has sesame seeds, some green herbs & yellow & red powder (spices i assume) sprinkled on top. Oh btw I am cheating...it ain't a meat pie. It's a veggie korma pie. But honestly, with my asian background its only right for me to be reviewing some hybrid (east-meets-west) sort of pie. So anyways the lady behind the counter recommended this over their beef pies. Oh & Myer only stocks Boscastle pies & they claim to have a passion for food so my expectations are set pretty high.

All my pie experiences (barring Myer fc) have been gawd-aweful. But Boscastle have always managed 2 satisfy in the past....so here goes....

Score: 4

Reasons:

1 Flaky pastry cooked just right. not chewy nor soggy nor hard. jst rite.
+1 Filling includes potatoes, carrots, peas etc in some yellowish sauce - so they did mean veggies
+1 Curry sauce is mild, can taste some turmeric & something else. A bit sweet but tastes alright with the pastry, besides it did say 'korma' so shoudln't be spicy. A touch of pepper wouldn't have gone amiss though.
+1 Didn't miss a sauce on the side, which means the filling must ave been right & there was enough gravy
-1 A bit too hot on the inside - so nearly burnt my tongue in the 1st bite - ok so maybe my impatience isn't a defect in the pie but hey it's my review so i can score on woteva i like.

besides i think 4 on 5 for a humble Pie is a generous score. So yea if ur after a reliable & good pie-experience, Myer food court or anywhere that serves Boscastle should be a safe bet.

I made it myself

Cindy's I-can't-believe-it's-not-meat pies
Pie maker extraordinaire: Cindy from Where's the beef?

Spinach and cheese are great in pastry, and curried lentils aren't half bad either. But they don't quite fit the bill if you're vegetarian and you want protein soaked in gravy and tomato sauce. When I first discovered TVP (textured vegetable protein) at my local supermarket, I set about developing an imitation of your run-of-the mill, corner-shop variety meat pie. I've got a bit lazy in the presentation stakes, stuffing squares of pastry into a muffin tin, but the key ingredients are there. Store-bought puff pastry flakes up pretty well, and it takes some restraint not to overfill these with brown gravy flavour.
Want to give 'em a go? The recipe's here.
It would be immodest of me to rate my own recipe, but my pie-lovin' partner hasn't looked longingly at a "real" meat pie in years.

Honourable mentions
Not quite reviews but honourable mention go to:

Armaniac voted for "My local pub, the Albion, in Nth London, had a beef, ale and stilton pie. Everything else is just a pretender..." which is a pity as he now lives in downtown Northcote (Melbourne), so that makes it one very expensive pie.

Liz Cincotta (of The Age's Top 5 foods fame) narrowed down her top 5, to give her top 2 favourite pie makers to us:
Molly Mae's Cafe, 101 High Street, Broadford, phone 5784 3949
Mt Martha Fine Foods, 34 Lochiel Avenue, Mount Martha, phone 5974 4407

...and for those who get 'sweet' and 'savoury' a little confused

Hot Apple Pie

Purchased from: McDonald's Family Restaurant, Endeavour Hills

Cost: $1.95

Reviewer:BEVIS

Pastry: Crunchy and tasty, not too hot. Very tasty but makes you thirsty (intentional, I'm sure).

Filling: Piping hot chunks of apple (no false advertising here!) and a sauce that makes your mouth water.

Packaging: An easy flip-open cardboard casing enables the consumer to hold the hot item without burning their fingers. The pie easily slides in and out of the covering, allowing for the consumer to place it in their handbag, manbag or similar to cool down for a few minutes if the internal heat of the item in question is not to the consumer's personal preferences.

Rating: Four stars out of five. I cannot find much fault with the pie, but I like to encourage the makers to continually "strive for a five".

But what would we know?

If the mystery meats in the average pie don't put you off, the experts at the Australian Consumer Association have found out more than most of us want to know about the top brands of Aussie meat pies. See how they rate them.

Better late than never

Missed the first round up but feel inspired to write a review of the best pie in your world? Well, ask nicely, mail it in and we'll add yours to the Great Pie Round Up.

Mince pie
Sunny Anh Hot Bread
Watton Street, Werribee
Cost: $2.20
Reviewer: Anna

I tasted many pies in the spirit of this review, but really can only, in good conscience, review one. It was from Sunny Anh Hot Bread on Watton Street in Werribee, for a cost of $2.20 with free sauce. If the lady behind the counter is to be believed it's made by her, from finely ground steak. To be sure, the filling seemed like quite finely minced meat with no gristle to be found, and the gravy was quite thick, holding everything together well, with just a pinch of pepper (how I like it), and was a good eating temperature, ie. warm without burning my tongue. The pastry was
light and flaky, but not so much that just cutting into it resulted in a pastry-flake storm all over the table and my lap.

I score it a 4 out of 5. Anyone out in the Werribee area looking for a light lunch, get your pie here (there are other hot bakes and cafes, but I found this the best for under $5).

Review rangling initiated and put together by Another Outspoken Female. Thanks for the participation and fearless chewing of all who were involved.

The inaugural “We Do Chew Our Food” pie review

2006-09-24T12:39:00.000+10:00

Melbourne, the home of We Do Chew Our Food, is paradoxically the epicentre of both the best Australian cuisine and Football. When you put the two together they spell one word – PIE. The meat pie with tomato sauce (ketchup) is perhaps the most iconic Australian dish and almost mandatory to eat at any major sporting event. It even has it’s own Wikipedia entry. Thankfully for the vegetarians amongst us – there’s a lot more to pies these days than that first “Four‘nTwenty”.

In honour of the footie Grand Final next Saturday (30th September) and after the success of the recent great sausage roll review, we are now throwing the challenge open to the wider food loving community to send us a pie review from their own town. This savoury morsel can be bought or homemade, meat or vegetarian, gluten-free or caeliac-unfriendly, traditional or contemporary.

Guidelines for the review:

1. If the pie is bought – supply the address, price and description of the pie.
2. If homemade – include the recipe.
3. Taste the pie before you slather it with sauce/ketchup/chutney (sacrilege for some I know!). Is the pastry flaky, how generous is the filling, does the description of the contents equate with what you find in it?
4. Rate the pie from 1 to 5: (1 being the lowest and 5 being the highest).
5. You are welcome to send a picture, but you don’t have to.
6. Send your review to chewyfood@gmail.com by midnight, Sunday 1st October (note: for those in the northern hemisphere, that means midday Sunday for most of you).
7. Have fun!

The full review will be posted on We Do Chew Our Food the next day.

A sausage roll!

2006-09-04T23:14:00.000+10:00

By the mystic regulation
Of our dark Association,
Ere you open conversation
With another kindred soul,
You must eat a sausage roll!

(Chorus)
You must eat a sausage roll! A sausage roll!

If, in turn, he eats another,
That’s a sign that he’s a brother –
Each may fully trust the other.
It is quaint and it is droll,
But it’s bilious on the whole.

(Chorus)
Very bilious, very bilious on the whole!

It’s a greasy kind of pasty,
Which, perhaps, a judgement hasty
Might consider rather tasty:
Once (to speak without disguise)
It found favour in our eyes.

(Chorus)
It found favour, it found favour in our eyes!

But when you’ve been six months feeding
(As we have) on this exceeding
Bilious food, it’s no ill-breeding
If at these repulsive pies
Our offended gorges rise!

But, But,

Women:
Yes, at these repulsive pies
Our offended gorges rise! But, But,

Men:
Yes, at these repulsive pies
Our offended gorges rise!
Our offended gorges rise!
Our gorges rise!

All:
By the mystic regulation
Of our dark Association,
Ere you open conversation
With another kindred soul,
You must eat a sausage roll!

A sausage roll, a sausage roll!
A roll, a roll, a sausage roll!
A sausage roll!

(Chorus)
You must eat a sausage-roll, a sausage roll, A roll, a roll, a roll, a roll, a roll, a sausage roll! A roll, a roll, a sausage roll! A sausage roll!

"By the mystic regulation"
The Grand Duke
Gilbert and Sullivan

And such was the decree I issued to my associates at We Do Chew Our Food Inc. AKA the Super Friends. Steely eyed, I took my time to meet the gaze of each member at the Justice League boardroom table that day. This was an important project – but was it important enough to die for? Eating of the sausage roll is not without its dangers. The bad guys known to associate with the riff raff of the pie warmer crowd are a truly nasty bunch – E. coli, botulism, salmonella – the act of stuffing a sausage roll in the old pie hole is not dissimilar to holding a loaded gun to your head and playing Russian Roulette.

A delicious, toasty loaded gun. With sauce.

If it weren’t for the occasional freaking outstanding sausage roll, what reasonable person would suffer all the inedible greasy over-salted filth which passes for take away goodness? At its best, the sausage roll is foodie brilliance. Engineered to be gob shaped at the cross section, representing as many food groups as you like, edible out of a bag, flaky, delicate yet robust. Finding the perfect sausage roll was a quest worth dying for.

Or as any good general worth her salted squid knows, it is, at least, a quest worth sending others out to die for.

Reviewer: Chai

I told my 9 y.o. kid the We Do Chew Our Food bloggers were going to do a sausage roll review.

"Everyone?"
“Almost everyone”, I said.
"What if they don’t like sausage rolls?"
“You don’t have to like it. You just eat it and review it.”
"What if you cant eat one? What if you have Celiac's disease?"
[silence]

Okay, the sausage roll was made on the premises. It was freshly made. Could not taste any traces of sulfate.

Location: Somewhere in Camberwell.
Not identified cos it's not exactly an endorsement and I don’t want to be responsible for depriving anyone of their livelihood.

Not acceptable Chai! This is about punishing the evil and rewarding the good. We’re not called the freakin Justice League for nothing - Ed.

Time of consumption: 9.45 a.m.
Cost: $2.40
Pastry: Was not flaky. Had toasted breadcrumbs on it, which made it sort of crispy/crunchy. Novel. Not unpleasant.

Filling: It tasted fine, a little on the bland side and not overly salty like those mass produced rolls. Unfortunately, perhaps it contained a little too much filler. You couldn’t really taste the meat, per se. Also, there was a slight aftertaste. My palate is not sophisticated enough to identify it. Something along the lines of oregano.

Tomato sauce: Optional at 20c per pouch.

Score : An edible 6 out of 10.

Reviewer: Mellie
Name: Hanna's Bakeshop
Address: 172 High Street, Ashburton, VIC, 3147
Phone: 9885 3787
Open: 7 days
Cost: $2.20, plus an extra $0.20 for squeezy sauce

Not being a huge sausage roll fan, mainly due to an aversion of second rate slimy sausage mince, I decided to take on the challenge of the We Do Chew Our Food Great Sausage Roll Review and overcome my bizarre disinclination. So I ventured down to the local bakery, Hanna's Bakeshop in Ashburton, and threw myself into the task wholeheartedly. Surprisingly, the sausage roll was damn yummy, and not brick-like in that sausage mince kind of way. It was heartily full-flavoured and contained perceptible gratings of carrots and a few mushed up peas. The pastry was flaky and buttery and not at all soggy, and it arrived piping hot from the pie warmer. Alas, I decided to bring it home for consumption, pairing it with a particularly good bush tomato ketchup.

Reviewer: Liz
Michels Patisserie, Victoria Gardens Shopping Centre, Burnley.
Pastry: It had a texture like damp cardboard with a few flaky bits here and there.
Filling: no obvious meat texture – highly processed sausage meat, possibly containing breadcrumbs, plus a few bits of onion and plenty of white pepper.
Temperature: ok, bit on the cool side.
Tomato sauce: squeezy pack for 30c – outrageous!

Overall comment: Undoubtedly mass produced. Extremely average, no better than a Four ‘n Twenty.

OR… make your own
As a contrast, I thought I’d provide my family’s recipe for the ultimate home made party sausage rolls. Flaky pastry from your supermarket freezer – couldn’t be easier or better.

1kg sausage mince (plastic tube at supermarket)
1 finely chopped onion
Handful of chopped parsley (optional)
4-5 sheets of puff pastry (Pampas or similar from supermarket freezer)

Mix sausage mince, onion and parsley in a bowl – use your hands if you like.

Cut pastry sheet in half. Place a log of sausage mixture (approx 2cm in diameter) along one of the long edges of the pastry. Brush a line of milk or egg along the other long edge of the pastry and roll the meat side towards the milk side. (The milk helps the two layers stick.) You can now cut into smaller 5cm rolls or as big as you like. We usually score the top of the pastry a couple of times by making a couple of 1cm cuts in the top of the pastry roll. This helps steam get out I presume and it looks good. Finally, brush the top with remaining milk/egg to get a nice golden brown top.

Place rolls on a greased or baking paper covered baking tray and bake at 200 degrees (C) for 20-25 mins until golden brown.

Optional: many people add grated carrot to the mince mix but I prefer the purist recipe.

Reviewer: LadyCracker
Name: Hanna's Bake Shop
Address: 172 High St Ashburton VIC 3147

A Saturday ritual in our household is to head to Hanna's Bake Shop with the paper and two little girls in tow to savour the flaky goodness of the bakery's pies and sausage rolls. This weekend was a little different as it was a lonesome Ladycracker catching up on the goings on in the little paper while chowing down on one of the best sausage rolls in Melbourne. Light pastry complements the medium warm temperature of the roll (no burnt mouths here). The filling is a traditional no frills meat mince that doesn't feeling heavy or claggy, leaves plenty of room for a fluffy vanilla milkshake and is tasty without the ubiquitous tomato sauce addition. Life doesn't get any better.

Reviewer: MelbourneGirl

I tested out of the Pattie's party pack: 18 party pies and 12 little sausage rolls.

The sausage rolls had soft pastry, which wasn't flaky. The filling was bland and mushy. I ate half of one, and didn't want the other half. Out of 5 I would give them 1. We only got those cause there were no Four’n’Twenty packs at the supermarket.

Reviewer: Husky Nutmeg

I would never have thought of a sausage roll as breakfast food but I was on the way to work and with coffee, anything is edible, I thought. I went to Tony’s Pies in Kingsville. These people already have a huge reputation for pies and pastries in the West as they do the school/kinder/club pie drives.

I was surprised by how hungry I was. The pastry was light, but not over flaky. A very tasty filling and no lardy aftertaste. There was take away sauce but the roll didn’t need it. The price was overshadowed by my latte (mind you, my coffee is always a large) and being my pre-work coffee spot, the service has always been friendly and kinda wholesome.

Reviewer: Fluffy
Name: Green Refectory
Address: Sydney Rd Brunswick VIC 3056
Cost: not sure – I think it came to $5.50 with my coffee

This review was a bit of a cheat in that I’ve had the sausage roll from Green Refectory before. The food there is uniformly good but the serving staff are generally hired more for their good looks. For this reason you can get someone serving you who is not really concerned that your pie is cold and your juice is hot.

I’ve previously enjoyed the sausage roll (homemade) as an eat-in affair plated up with salad and chutney. It was so excellent I would call it the sausage roll that other sausage rolls should aspire to in their sausagey dreams. This time I ordered it in traditional format: in a paper bag with sauce. The pastry was sprinkled with sesame seeds and nice and flaky without being insubstantial. The great shame on this occasion was it just wasn’t hot enough. Below a certain temperature the fats in the sausage roll solidify and give the whole thing an unfortunate waxy texture which could be completely avoided but for a few degrees.

Collaboration and introduction fiendishly devised by Fluffy.

for when you want mores, go to limors - Caulfield

2006-08-26T11:01:00.000+10:00

Limor's International
67 Kooyong, Road
Caulfield North 3161

T 9509 8183/9509 8855

At Limor's, they have the motto:

where too much is just enough!

This is the sort of place you go when you are ravenous. When you feel you could eat an entire cow, giant squid or a barnyard of chickens. Apologies to the vegetarians amongst us but this is certainly a place for omnivores.

Before we go on, I would like to throw out a challenge. I defy anyone to go here and eat one of their main courses on their own. You should be warned, the platters are made to share. Last night we popped in for a quickie, and had the chicken schnitzel platter, and a bowl of chips. The schnitzel came with rice and veg, and salad. This amount was perfectly adequate for our party of 5 [2 adults, 3 kids]. We all have "healthy appetites"* and while my mantra of "portion control" has become a bit of a joke with my man's Italian family, I find that portion control has made all of us healthier, and leaner.

Portion control is not something that is exercised at Limor's. We arrive shouting Limor's! and we leave, groaning and doubled over saying "Li-less". We think we are very funny.

The schnitzels are fine and perfectly undistinguished in any way. So are the chips: thin, french fry style. Rice is overcooked and peas/carrots likewise. The salads that come with the platters are simple and eastern european in style, with pickled green cabbage and red cabbage, as well as some diced tomato and cucumber. While I like the salad accompaniment, and so does Princess, she LOVES the green cabbage, it's all about the meat. This place is like a meat mecca. Go to Limor's and do some serious worshipping.

They also serve dishes of calamari and marinated chicken wings, which we've had before. I have seen people with meat platters; huge silver dishes piled high with all kinds of bbq'd animal products. People hunker down over these meals; there is little talking and much chewing.

The decor is brassy and glassy, nothing particularly noteworthy, though they have a little interior atrium garden which is ok. The maitre'd is a small man who has the most beautiful manners and is always very friendly, and always tries to sell you some mocktails for the kids, which at $8.50 each we always say no thanks to. I'm a hard bitch, I know. But he is always very pleasant, and I always am pleasant back. Big smiles. Etc. He reminds of the man from Fantasy Island in the way he stands and kind of welcomes you. But he looks more like Tattoo in the face.

Some menu samplers:

chicken soup with kreplach
garlic prawns
atlantic smoked salmon
u.s. baby ribs
kebabs
chicken shasliks
continental sausages
range of dips
falafel
whole flounder
barramundi
the mermaid seafood platter - $49 but serves 2 (or more)
range of schnitzels, from wiener to "G"ordon bleu to mexican (?) to american. all serves have three (large) pieces of schnitzel.

Then they have pasta dishes as well.

This is a great place for a quick and filling feed. It's also fine to take kids there, and there are often other people with kids there who might be noisier than yours, and then you feel better about having kids. This is not a place for romance and hand-holding. There's plenty of room, with large tables for bigger groups. They are licensed and happy to work around food allergies etc. (with notification.)

Basically, this is a quick in, quick out sort of joint. It's not cheap but works out all right as you order one dish for $27 between 5 say (as we did last night) rather than two adults having mains for $20+ then three kids for $10 or so (if they have a kid menu. Some places don't and then it's even more expensive.)

Takeaway is also available, and boy, is it fast.

* code for "like to overeat if allowed"

Joseph's Restaurant at Werribee Mansion Hotel. International cuisine.

2006-08-20T21:50:00.000+10:00

[REPRINT - Originally published Thursday, March 09, 2006]

Joseph's Restaurant (at Werribee Mansion)
K Road, Werribee, Vic, 3030
phone: (03) 9731 4000
website
hours: I'm not sure but open for lunch for sure, we had a 12 noon booking. call them.
prices: entrees high teens, mains low to mid 30s

Today is my honey's birthday so I made him take the day off work, so I could take him to lunch. We drove down to Werribee and had lunch at Joseph's. When we arrived, there was no one else in the restaurant and the table we were given next to a window had a lovely view of the garden.

We decided to have a glass each of sparkling wine, Ninth Island from Tasmania. It was very bubbly, always a good sign and cost $11.50 each. Like I have said before I can't really tell the difference between this normal champagne and something that really costs a lot, it is the same to me.

The wait staff were really nice, and we were given menus which included, in addition to the a la carte one, a set menu option, with $27.50 for two courses and glass of house wine, or $35 for three courses, with wine.

We decided to go a la carte and this is where my memory goes bad. After some quipping about me needing a spy-type wrist watch that I can talk into at moments like these, so I don't have to try and remember stuff, I grabbed the sculpture programs we had, and scribbled, supposedly in a way that would not draw attention to myself.

I ordered spicy calamari on a bed of cous cous, which when it came was gorgeous and fragrant but could have done with just one more spoonful of the cous cous which was fairly miserly in quantity. This was strange because the portion of squid was generous. I really loved this dish.

My love had fried zucchini flowers stuffed with Persian fetta, which perched atop a chop of vegetables; the only one I can remember was celery. The fetta oozed out quite spectacularly when each floret was pierced, but I felt the celery just seemed incongruous.

The entrees came out too quickly - this was because at the stage of ordering, we were the only guests at table. This I thought was quite nice, and I was having special romantic notions of no one else coming, that we would have the restaurant to ourselves for the entire session. Then I noticed a high chair being positioned at the table next to us. I turned away from thoughts of what this might mean, and concentrated on my squid.

The waitress told us, as she served our entrees, that there was bread in the oven for us. I wonder if wait people ever mistakenly say 'buns.' This should have been brought before the entrees. But when it came, we saw straight away that it was good bread. It was crusty yet soft inside, thickly cut, sourdough. But with margarine, not butter.

Please indulge me for a moment here. I simply do not understand why any restaurant or fine dining establishment would put margarine on the table. I don't care if it's in a nice circle pat. Please, any restaurateurs out there, if you are reading this, hear me now. One word. Butter. Olive oil is ok. But do not serve margarine. Please.

For main I had venison with pommes mash and blueberry and sage jus. Though the waitress explained at the beginning that the red meat dishes would be served medium-rare, my venison was truly rare. This didn't bother me, as I like a rare dish, however it would have put off someone who could never go bluer than a true med-rare. I feel the chef got it wrong with this. Having said that, I loved this dish. The jus was divine. I enjoyed my mashed potatoes, and the venison was tasty and tender. And rare. Did I say that already?

John had fillet of salmon, cooked to perfection with crispy skin on a calconn* of seafood, which was chopped potatoes with prawn in a creamy mayonnaisy sort of dressing. We had a side of French beans in butter.

The beans were sensational. I would go there again just to eat those beans. They were perfectly cooked, they were straight and they were a beautiful, beautiful green.

We loved those beans, oh how we were in raptures over them.

Oh, the wine. With my main I had a glass of local shiraz from Werribee because it had a plum nose, rather than the pinot which had a lifted bouquet. My honey had a glass of sauvignon blanc, I don't know where. Had stopped taking notes by then.

Have I mentioned the nuns? Well, the family turned up during entree and sat at the table next to us, their child was adorable and she happily coloured in.

The two nuns came in and sat at a window table. They were in the "complete garb" and I found they looked quite confronting. They ordered symmetrically; two glasses of coke. Really nice glassware, by the way. Then it seemed they ordered one glass of red wine. The communal wine, my love quipped. My we laughed. Then they had two of the same main meals.

For dessert we had cherry ripe souffle with ice cream and raspberry coulis, and mille-feuille with berries. Did you like how I wrote "we" then? I would say the desserts were the ordinary part of the meal. They didn't really measure up and to me weren't worth the $14 odd.

So that's about it. $200 including tip, a really fine meal and in lovely surroundings. Afterwards we had a quick stroll through the rose garden, and I used the umbrella as a parasol and made funny, saying over and over again "because I'm a lady, don't you know. I'm a lady" a la Little Britain. I was hilarious and laughed a lot at my joke. No, not tedious and annoying at all.

And how did this dreamy day finish?

You can pick the ending:

[We went home and made wonderful love with very full tummies then had a two-hour nap.]

[We went to the school and picked up the kids and then came home and took Gigi for a walk. And found a chair in the street, in a hard-rubbish heap with really nice wood, old you know, antique even, it does need work yes but it's lovely. I knocked on the door, asked the young man if I could take it, he said yes, and we carried it home with us. So happy.]

* don't ask, I just don't know

Zam Zam - Indian City

2006-08-07T16:50:00.000+10:00

Venue : Zam Zam Cafe Restaurant ¹
Cuisine : Indian
Address : 364 Lonsdale St, Melbourne 3000
Tel number : (03) 9606 0109

Ever since I started cycling to work a fortnight ago (so-so-sooo co-co-coolllldddd, so-so-sooo co-co-colllldddd), all I do is think about FOOD. What's for morning tea, what am I going to have for lunch, what will I be having for dinner and what more in between.

Anyway, armed with this frame of mind, choosing what to eat is the primary activity of the day. Despite the presence of many, many excellent and reasonably priced lunch places of various ethnicities all around my place of employment, I repeatedly find myself gravitating towards Zam Zam in my quasi random wanderings at lunch hour, and given that it is not the closest Indian place (ok, at best marginal), this is saying a lot.

Indian food. I love it.

It's easy to miss this place. The shop front is quite inconspicuous. I usually just tell those interested that it is in between the two JB Hifi entrances on Lonsdale St.

On entry, the first thing one notices is the pungent aroma of spices. I dont notice it anymore but it's there. Pleasant? I'm not sure. I do remember that on my first visit there, I thought that it was quite strong but I guess such experiences are all very subjective.

The decor is far from flashy, probably opting for functionality over form. You have your formica tables and non-descript chairs. What more do you need?

Admittedly, it is lacking a little in the ambience department. It is on the darkish side and the positioning of the fridge and various boxes of drinks etc. do not help. I dont recall any music being played but that could be me tuning out. But the bottom line is that the food is tasty and reasonably cheap (especially for Indian). The food is served on stainless steel compartmentalised plates, likewise the water from stainless steel cups.

I've had the murtabak before which was pretty good. The roti casing was firm and not soggy (firm is good). The filling had just the right spicyness though I suspect they could have been more generous when stuffing this (with the filling). It's hard to describe the complex flavours which come from the many spices used but I assure you, it's salivatory to say the least. That first mouthful, the explosion of flavours. It's phantasmagorical. I can also recommend the biryani rice. It was really yummy as well. But generally, I prefer the roti to the rice. I'm salivating as I write this.

The lamb? Sorry, I dont eat lamb but I understand the goat curry is pretty good. I dont remember if I do or do not eat goat. Take note that they dont have any beef nor pork dishes, in case you have a preference for that.

The curries I've had have all been very tasty especially the butter chicken, which is part of my regular order. What I usually get is the roti (x 2) with the butter chicken and some dhal. This costs me $7.50 but I've been charged $7, $7.20 and $7.70 before. I'm uncertain if there is any correlation with how much I flirt with the pretty Indian lady who sometimes man the counter. The other dishes are all roughly around that price. Unrelated bit of info - I understand the owner is from Penang or so he tells me.

Turnover seems reasonably brisk and the service was pretty quick. The serves dont always appear overly generous but I've always had difficulty finishing what I get. Maybe my eyes are bigger than my stomach. Regarding bookings, I'm not sure if it is neccessary or if they do take any at all but I guess there is no harm in trying, if you think you need to that is.

Anyway, in case it wasnt clear, I do recommend this place. It's had my patronage on a regular basis for many months now.

In case you need any reinforcement as to why you should be eating more Indian food, this New Scientist article here might help.

Here is to brainy food.
BTW, the food is halal for the religiously inclined.

ps photos to come. Check in later in the week, maybe.

¹ Apparently ZamZam is a well near Mecca. More info at Wikipedia. Now you cant say you dont learn anything new from this blog.

Sataybar – Indonesian lunch bar- City

2006-07-30T21:30:00.000+10:00

Cuisine: Indonesian market food
Address/Phone: 10 Manchester Lane (9663 0322)
and cnr Flinders Lane and Custom House Lane (9629 1466)
Hours: 8am – 5pm (Manchester Lane also Friday evenings)
Parking: In the city? Forget it!
Licence: Beer and wine

The first time I had satay was in another century, in a NZ town where the most exotic thing to be found was the ubiquitous Chinese restaurant that still served sliced white bread with the meal. My brother made friends with a new boy in his class, he was Dutch and his family had lived in a far off place called Indonesia. One night we were all invited over to his house for a grand feast featuring exotic spices and flavours that I had never tasted before. The biggest hit of the evening was the skewers of chicken with luxurious peanut sauce. I had entered Satay Heaven!

These days neither peanuts nor chicken rate highly on my list of favourite foods. But for some time I had heard about a wonderful cheap eatery that devoted itself to satay worshipping and kept meaning to break out of my regular lunchtime circuit to trek over to a less familiar part of town to sample its wares. Before I had made it, the little beauties opened a second outlet right smack bang on my way to “Sushi 10” and “The Organic Food and Wine Deli”. How lucky was I!

The Manchester Lane Sataybar is a skinny rectangle of laneway real estate. It’s squeezy but groovy and as yet I’ve never heard a dud tune coming out of the stereo. The handful of tables lining one side of the place run on tracks to create flexible seating which sounds like a good idea, but unless you are really, really fat (and lets face it, too many satays and that could happen to the best of us) the gap between the fixed bench seat and the table is ergonomically uncomfortable and those itty bitty paper serviettes wont do much to stop the sauce splatters as the forkful travels from plate to mouth. That grumble aside the food is fab and the lustrous peanut sauce, they promise, is made fresh each day.

The menu is small and simple, revolving around – you guessed it – satay skewers with peanut sauce. The regular choices are chicken (regular or sweet), lamb, prawn, tofu, vegie or spicy beef. There are daily specials that often include kangaroo. You can just graze on 1 or a number of skewers at $2 a pop or grab a meal package. I have to admit I go there so often that I just need to nod and they know I want a “small tofu” – 2 skewers of tofu, rice, salad and the wondrous sauce. The large version is 3 of any skewers, rice, salad, sauce and krupuk (those tasty polystyrene like vegie crackers).

Beverage wise Sataybar boasts coffee java (including soy for the lactose intolerant), a range of local and Indonesian beers and non-alcoholic drinks. There is also tea and wine. There are also $2 sweet bites of traditional delicacies.

What more can I say? The food is consistently good, despite the small menu it can suit both those who under eat (“just 1 vegie skewer please”) or like to gorge on a bigger meal. It will suit both vegans and carnivores. Though currently it’s only a lunch venue, the Manchester Lane branch is open on Friday nights for those who want to drink and graze after work.

Darn it, why did I review this place? I’ll never get a seat there at lunchtime now!

Update: The Satay Bar guys got an offer too good to refuse on the Manchester Lane branch and closed ironically on the day The Age listed them as a hot bar to check out. The original venue is still in full swing and there are promises of a new CBD location opening early 2008. Watch this space!

Colmao Flamenco

2006-07-22T20:12:00.000+10:00

60 Johnston St Fitzroy 3065
(03) 9417 4131
Open: 7 days 6pm-1am
Closed: Good Friday, Christmas Day, New Years
Licensed, BYO, Corkage $3.5 Bottle
Cards All
Seats inside 50, Seats outside 18

The ‘Flamenco’ is one of the most vibrant, passionate and exciting dances – so it stands to reason that any restaurant clever enough to incorporate the word ‘flamenco’ in its name, would try to embody as many of those attributes as possible. Just like the legendary dance, Colmao Flamenco relies heavily on tradition – for the dance it’s cultural, for the restaurant it’s family.

Situated in the Spanish quarter of Melbourne, on the busy Johnston St, Colmao is easily discernable from the other little restaurants jostling for shoulder space – it’s the one with the cute flamenco dancer doll in the window. It was Friday night so we were prepared for the place to be packed, as it always is on the weekend, and sure enough when we walked in without a reservation the waitress smiled and took my mobile number to call me in 20 minutes when they had a table free. So the boy and I walked out and into the next door bar to have a Corona and listen to the band tune up for later.

20 minutes later and we’re seated on comfortably padded chairs in a much quieter restaurant. On the table we had salt, pepper, cutlery and cloth napkins – yay! Our menus were delivered and we settled back to decide on food. I had heard of the Sangria from Colmao before – almost the stuff of legend around Melbourne … and surely the drink of choice at the annual Latin Festival (in November). We ordered a litre ($15) which came in a real ceramic jug accompanied by two matching tumblers – perfect for keeping the Sangria chilled.

There is the menu with a selection of cold and hot entrees followed by the meat, fish and specialty dishes, there is also a blackboard above the bar with recommended dishes and then a ‘daily specials’ further left of the main board. In the menu you can choose from empanadas, fried sardines, patatas bravas, chorizo skewers, marinated green olives and octopus in tomato sauce. We chose the chorizo skewers and cod-fish fritters (from the recommended board) – the sausages were nicely grilled and smoky with paprika, a little chewy for my liking but the boy liked them. I really enjoyed the fritters, which came in a tiny tapas pan, all golden and fluffy swimming in a rich tomato and garlic sauce which begged for bread to sop up … mmmm..

So many mains to choose from but for us we couldn’t go past paella – that wonderfully golden Valencian dish of rice studded with chunks of chicken, fresh sweet prawns, New Zealand green-lipped mussels, olives and gloriously tender strips of calamari. The serving is for two – and believe me when I tell you its enough – can easily feed four. The rice was cooked perfect for a paella, some people complain when they encounter a bite to the rice, expecting a more risotto-like feel in the mouth but it’s normal for paella to have some al dente.

As full as you will undoubtedly be, you will have room for chocolate con churros (Spanish donuts with dipping chocolate). Four strips of dough deep-fried and tossed in cinnamon sugar cuddled up to a tiny shot-glass of melted chocolate – surely if there is a heaven and this is the dessert they serve for afternoon tea. Any dessert that lures you to stick your finger in the almost empty chocolate glass and lick with moans of pleasure will get my vote any day.

Piadina Slowfood, Melbourne, CBD

2006-07-08T10:02:00.000+10:00

Type: Epicurean Café

Address: 57 Lonsdale St (Rear )Melbourne 3000 VIC

Phone: (03) 9662 2277

Open: Monday to Friday 6am -5pm

Piadina Slowfood in Adjectives
Warming, home style/traditional, comforting, eclectic, fresh, fucking scrumptious.

Being a city office worker, you become familiar with the limited menu choices offered to you by the cafes surrounding your office. It is the blight of your concrete dwelling existence that you are reduced to consuming hard ciabatta rolls filled with fried schnitzels and arugula; or substandard sushi with tuna that doesn’t taste fresh nor in fact tuna like at all.

And please, let us not get into the discussion of juice bars either. I’ve eaten hamburgers that are far healthier then some of the beverages these juicers churn out to the masses under the guise of well-being.

And the particular menu item mentioned above honestly did say arugula instead of rocket/roquette in what I can only assume was an attempt to distance its own replicated menu from the other 986 other cafes frequented by the workers of the city of Melbourne.

So it came as a pleasant surprise to me the other day when I stumbled across a small review in one of the weekend newspaper supplements about a café called Piadina Slowfood that was but a short stroll from the place where I work.

This same Piadina Slowfood review mentioned meatball stuffed piadina’s with shaved Romano cheese that were so extraordinary; the reviewer continued to go back daily for his lunch. Also, this particular reviewer was a chef at one of the finest dining establishments in this fair city. A decent review, if I have ever read one.

But before we continue, please read this again.

Meatball stuffed piadina’s with shaved Romano cheese.

Did you feel that?

You did?

Don’t be frightened of that feeling, it’s just your tastebuds asserting themselves and making you feel culinary aroused.

Now, as an office worker who has been denied the gastronomic pleasures of good fucking lunch food, the idea that someone could create superior lunches for the office packs whilst still maintaining affordability and variety was a revelation to me. I have truly missed that feeling of awakening that only good food can bring.

And no one knows like an office worker that the only thing you have to look forward to in your day is your lunch break.

So today I was pleased to become financially replenished with my pay deposited into my bank account and a long overdue catch up with a dear friend to inspire me; we decide to hit Piadina Slowfood for lunch.

Piadina Slowfood specialises in just that; piadinas (Italian flat bread not unlike pide/pita) and dishes keeping with the slowfood philosophy such as currys, stews, bakes or as I like to call slowfood “grub that takes a lot of time and a lot of love”.

My chum had the pleasure of eating at Piadina Slowfood previously and had suggested that we get there earlier as seating is sparse.

Heading west down Lonsdale Street, about 200 metres from the Spring Street intersection, a small pedestrian alley way on the left will lead you to your new favourite lunch spot.

At the rear of No. 57, glass windows steamed by the tagines, pots, pans and coffee machine welcome you to this positively tiny establishment. We take a step down into the café to see only 2 tables, crammed with people eating hot lunches with the look on their faces of contented satisfaction. Was it the look of relief? Comfort even? Who cares actually, these people looked happy just because they were eating something real and I already knew I liked this place.

And then the smell hits you. The sweetness of cooked onion and basil mixed with the pungent pull of curry, red meats and tomato.

I looked at my companion and mouthed the words “Oh. My. Lord” as the heady aroma of cooking smells hits my brain. She just smiled at me and said “I told you so, didn’t I?”

As the coffee machines hisses and pans clang in the minuscule open kitchen, I look around at the surrounds and at the windows facing onto the laneway. Sitting below the windows are rows of fresh vegetables lined up to be used in today’s lunch pot. One window was crowded by butternut pumpkins while the other surrounded by cauliflowers. A tower of Italian pomodoro tins separated the two. It reminded me of the provincial delis and market places I have visited in Europe where you can see and touch what you will eventually eat.

The wait staff, who all have kiwi accents and are all ridiculously gorgeous offer us a small table outside. Although the middle of winter in Melbourne, I take consolation in the fact that I am wearing a coat and I am about to indulge in some wintry comfort not unlike that of those that crowd the tables inside.

A chalked menu is pointed out which is written on the side wall of the building. I am told that the menu changes daily so if you order something today, you may never experience it again.

But what to order? There are only 12 things on the menu but each one is exactly what I feel like eating this very day. Such as the Japanese Curry or the pasta bake with provolone. Or the vegetable soup of the day or maybe the stuffed capsicums filled with risotto. There is a range of pre-made sarnies on the front counter but what I really came here for was the hot piadina’s.

I order a piadina with prochiutto, leek, tomato and cheese which I believe was mozzarella. I was delighted that the bread wasn’t so crisp that it would snap if I cut it or graze my inner cheek if I bit it. It was grilled nicely leaving the contents of the piadina warm and soft; the cheese melted but still firm enough that it didn’t slide off my cutlery. The tomato base was marinated in garlic and basil which left a delicate after taste.

My companion ordered the sausage curry pie which was presented as a hearty slice from a larger pie. The crust was crunchy and golden whilst the contents of the pie were robust and not overly liquidy with gravy. The sausages appeared home made.

Coffee followed after lunch and I was delighted to find that the drop was a cut above. Someone in this place knows how to make a real cup o’ jo! Add to that my joy at stirring my cup with a Charles and Diana commemorative wedding teaspoon and my lunch bill tally being a measly $11, my splendiferous dining experience was complete.

I can’t specifically tell you what it is about Piadina Slowfood that pique’s my interest so. Sure, the food is completely unbelievable and reminds me somewhat of the creations made by my ethnic ancestors and I do adore a tiny laneway secret that Melbourne hides so well within its walls.

I think what I find is so enchanting about it is that it is a lunch time place, a venue where you can shut away the mundane for 30 minutes while you enjoy a moment of soothing indulgence. And they say food is a massage for the soul, and the clock watchers of the world need that more then anything.

Tandoori Den - Camberwell - Indian Cuisine (Tandoor)

2006-06-25T20:47:00.000+10:00

Venue: Tandoori Den
Address: 261-263 Camberwell Road, Camberwell, ph: 9813 2598
Parking: On Road
Opening Hours: Lunch Tues-Fri from 12 noon, Dinner Tues-Sun 6pm-10:30pm. Take-away menu available.
Price Range: $6-$18 Entree, $10-$15 main meals, $2-$13 side dishes and breads ($4 rice for two), $4-$5 dessert. Minimum charge of $20 per person on Friday and Saturday nights. BYO wine, $2 corkage per person.
Link: http://tandooriden.dining.com.au/store/page.pl?id=26

I met a lovely group of people from my place of work (and I'm not just saying that because one of them was my boss) at the Tandoori Den in Camberwell and the food was so fantastic that we all ate far too much and practically rolled out of the restaurant.

On a chilly Wednesday night I parked my car on Riversdale Road and made my way around the corner at Camberwell Junction to the Tandoori Den with my boss. The last time we all had dinner out together as a team was just before Christmas so it was high time that we had some quality social time together without interruption from our clients.

The choice of restaurant was given to the newest member of our team as he is currently reliant on public transport. The tram he catches to work each day goes past this restaurant which had been recommended by a friend and, I was led to believe, it is also in The Age's Good Food Guide which boded well for a fabulous evening.

Having looked up the menu on the web (see the link at the top of the page) in the week or so beforehand there had been major discussions of the dishes on offer while people made up their minds which dishes they wanted to try. Some people made arrangements to share dishes so that they could try a number of different things. We had a Vegetarian with us also and she was well catered for. On the day, one of the team especially wore pants with an elasticised waistband in preparation for the feeding frenzy. (We all take our food pretty seriously.)

The favourite dish of the night was the Coconut Crab. The recipe for this is posted in the window of the restaurant and the team was emailed a copy of it by one of its more enthusiastic consumers. (If anyone is interested I can post it as a comment?) The crab is mixed/blended with various ingredients (coconut, ginger, chilli and onion) to a paste-like consistency and this creamy paste is dolloped into potato skins to serve. I tried the Garlic Tandoori Prawns for entree - beautiful.

For main meal I had the Palak Beef - beef pieces cooked with fresh creamed spinach - and a Garlic Naan with a shared side of Saffron Rice. Other dishes ordered included the Vegetarian Dahl Masala with a side of Raita and more Garlic Naan, Chicken Malbari and a Kashmiri Naan, Makhani Lamb, Dahl Gohst and a couple of other things I lost track of on our heavily loaded table.

The Garlic Naan was some of the best I have ever eaten. It was fresh, light, not overcooked, buttery and garlicky and, not wanting it to go to waste, I probably ate far more of it than I should have. It had been freshly prepared in the Tandoor oven - the chef made the bread and cooked it in front of us. The Palak Beef was melt-in-the-mouth, moist and tender meat surrounded by a fragrantly spicy spinach sauce. Mm! I couldn't finish it all but I gave it a very good shot.

Of course I then had no room for a dessert of my own but was able to taste a piece of someone else's Pistachio Kulfi. Having never tried a Kulfi before, I was intrigued. Kulfi is a type of ice-cream but made with coconut milk/cream (I think) and the Pistachio version has crushed pistachio nuts while the Mango Kulfi has blended mango as the flavouring. (If there are any other traditional flavours, please feel free to let me know - I'm definitely interested.)

I was informed that the Pistachio Kulfi was not of a fabulous standard by some of the others at the table and the following week one of the team brought some in that they had made at home to their own recipe which was, I agreed, better than the one offered by the restaurant. The day after the Pistachio some Mango Kulfi also appeared at work and someone else had been inspired to cook some pappadums in the microwave. (I told you we take our food seriously.)

We all had an excellent dinner and enjoyed the evening immensely. The wait staff were attentive, the portions generous, the food amazing and the company was just lovely. It lived up to and exceeded our expectations. My only (minor) complaint is that the bathrooms were in need of a little fixing up - I like a cubicle door to close and lock easily - and if/when that happens they get five out of five. For now, though...

Four and three-quarters out of five Bollywood starlets.

Reviewed by Riss.

Co Do - Vietnamese & Chinese Restaurant - Richmond

2006-06-18T22:58:00.000+10:00

196 Victoria Street
Richmond
Phone (03) 9421 2418
Open 7 days (9am - 10.30pm)
Definition: Cheap & Cheerful

Finding a good meal at 9.30pm on a rainy Sunday night might prove problematic in some parts of town. But Victoria Street, Richmond (or Little Saigon as it's affectionately known), is always open with a stunning array of cheap and cheerfuls to choose from.

As J and I wandered up the street we came upon Minh Tan 2, which had been given a two star rating and quip "bustling vietnamese/chinese" in the Cheap Eats guide. Unfortunately I didn't think it lived up to it's Cheap Eats recommedation on this occassion. We stood at the "Please wait to be seated" sign for no less than five minutes. I made friendly "I would love to be seated" eyes at no less than six waiters/waitresses. But not one of them acknowledged our presence. Five minutes gives you a lot of time to look around a place, and when I noticed quite a few unhappy patrons, a grotty looking kitchen pass, an overflowing bin right in the entry and extremely sad looking dumplings in the display case, I decided that I really didn't want to eat at this establishment. So we turned tail and walked out the door.

Alas, not two shops up from Minh Tan 2 was Co Do, a charming little Vietnamese/Chinese restaurant that appeared both cosy and inviting. On entering the establishment we were warmly welcomed by staff, shuffled to one of the last free tables and promptly served a cup of steaming tea. There was a happy buzz about the place; uni students creating a ruckus in one corner, an extended Vietnamese family talking it up in the other, lots of mates getting together for a feed, a spattering of couples, and even a few singles.

The table accoutrement was quite utilitarian/amusing. On a small tray one found pots of chopsticks and spoons - a matter of help yourself and use as many as you like. There was the usual salt and pepper shakers, soy sauce and fresh sliced chilli. And then there was the stainless steel pot of chilli and oil, a lethal concotion that should be identified with a biohazard sticker. I fear the stainless steel receptacle was born out of necessity and not aesthetics. Next to this was a serviette tissue box, which I assume was to mop up any hazardous spills should they occur.

The menu here is huge. Whilst the Hue Traditional Vietnamese Style Chilli Beef Soup sounded scrumptious in title, the ingredient list made me think twice; sliced beef, pork, beef loaf, pork loaf, blood. Uh huh. Blood. Yeah I know...it's all the same as meat at the end of the day. But the last time I ate blood I was four years old, and my Italian grandmother (who believed that pigs blood held some magical health property), tricked me in to consuming it by mixing it with chocolate/hazelnut Nutella spread. Urgh. Bleh. I'm scarred for life.

Anyway, I digress.

The menu covers everything from noodle soups (with or without blood), normal soups, rice dishes, rice vermicelli dishes, dropped rice noodle soups, rice noodle soups, egg noodle soups, fried rice or egg noodles - and that's just one side of the menu! Then you go on to pork, beef, chicken, prawn, squid, fish, scallop, duck, omelette, steam boat, combination and vegetable dishes. Phew!

So we decided to play it simple. It was 9.30pm and the stomach wasn't up to anything too adventurous.

Entree was a tasty batch of Vegetable Spring Rolls, served with a side of crisp iceberg lettuce and thai basil / mint. A beautiful sweet/salty/fishy dipping sauce was the accompaniment. J, who is a huge chilli connoisseur, decided to brave the stainless steel receptacle and try the chilli oil. Immediately on consumption balls of sweat appeared on his shaven head, his eyes started to water and turn red, and a big grin appeared on his face. He had found his match.

Not a minute after finishing the spring rolls, our main dishes arrived. First up, a tasty serve of Chinese Broccoli in oyster sauce. How can so simple a dish be utter perfection? Eating a dish like this with a side of steamed rice is what Nigella would term "temple food". Mmm.

Our other dish was Sliced Beef with Chilli and Lemongrass. The beef was super tender and gently spiced with chilli (...and yes, J reached for the chilli pot. Again). But what I really liked about the dish was that it was served with a mixture of stir-fried vegetables and crisp salad vegetables eg. cucumber, lettuce hearts and pickled carrots. I thought the vinegary carrots were a fantastic compliment to the dish.

The steamed rice was bottomless, as was the tea, and we were kept in plentiful supply of both without ever having to ask for more. Speaking of which, the front of house staff were quite something. Genuine smiles. Happy chats/banter. And most importantly they operated with that special "waiters peripheral vision". It is a commendable achievement.

All up our dinner cost $29.00, which I believe nominates it for Cheap Eats status. But I'll go one step further and nominate it for Cheap and Cheerful Eats status. It rocked.

Post originally published in tummy rumbles.

Rathdowne Street Food Store, Food Store-y Style (Modern Australian? Bit of Italian/French), North Carlton

2006-06-05T14:02:00.000+10:00

617 Rathdowne St
Carlton North
Tel (03) 9347 4064
E rathdowne_foodstore@bigpond.com
Mon-Fri 8 am – 10 pm
Sat-Sun 8 am – 5 pm
Cost: Breakfast/Lunch around $25+

It seems like I have been going to the Rathdowne Street Food Store my entire life. Actually, it's been roughly half, which is very good going in the inner city where rising rents have forced a lot of the original restauranters out of the game.
I used to get hot chocolates at the Food Store as a teenager when my mum worked across the road, we'd bring our own mugs in and walk down the street with them. Environmental, we were in the '90s.
And when I was slogging away through my honours year, and was really depressed in winter cooped up in my cold house trying to write about Virginia Woolf, I would go and get takeaway stew and mashed potatoes from the Food Store, and although it was ridiculously expensive for an arts student who paid her way by attempting to teach Koreans English and getting artists drunk on cask wine at openings, it was worth every cent for the comfort it brought.
And no matter how many times I hear they've gone downhill, or the food's not as good as it used to be, I always have an excellent meal everytime I go there.
So the other Saturday morning, post-Friday night housewarming party, I awoke at a frightfully early hour on my friends' single mattress on their living room floor. My friend Kate groaned from her own single mattress next to mine 'oh god I'm so hungover. How am I supposed to write today?' We both are no good at keeping promises to only have one drink and go home early to write that article/chapter we have to do by Monday. When we finally woke up properly, some hours later, our friend Mia was sitting at the kitchen counter, diligently tapping away at her laptop. Mia always goes to bed early and is a Very Good Girl. But then again, she writes about fashion so it's not really so hard, is it, it's more like fun, really.
Anyway, to shut us up mostly I think, Mia mentioned the words 'bacon and eggs' and I remembered it was my birthday. 'Forget B&E!' I shouted 'You all know my favourite food of all time, the entire reason I have a French boyfriend?' 'What has that got to do with bacon and eggs?' asked Mia. 'Isn't it obvious?' I demanded 'BECAUSE I was under the misguided impression that he would cook me SOMETHING everyday.' They looked fairly blank and not a tad unsure I wasn't going to suggest a nice breakfast of escargot and frog's legs. 'Continue' said Kate, cautiously. 'CREPES! Let's go eat crepes! Hell knows my boyfriend won't make them for us. Let's go out for breakfast. I know a place nearby.'
So we wandered out. Sasha found a great what she termed '50s/80s frou-frou skirt' (she's currently very into what she has termed '50s/80s frou-frou', she thinks she's inventing her own new style, or something) at a garage sale along the way. The French place on Rathdowne St didn't do crepes (unbelievable, and it's too forgettable for me to remember its name), so we went down to the Rathdowne St Food Store, with me insisting that I remembered some sort of pancake thing with lavender icecream. Thank god Kate has the imagination and food curiosity that she does, as Mia and Sasha tried to go into several places on the way, but we ignored their cries of 'I'm starving!' and persisted.
And boy am I glad we did. 'Were they still serving breakfast at 2 o'clock in the afternoon?' Yes, they were, they serve it til five.
That ALONE is good enough for me, but this, well, get a load of this:

Ricotta hotcakes with poached pear and lavender icecream

Seriously, what else could you want on your birthday? They weren't crepes, but they were just as good. There's something about the sensual combination of hot buttery hotcakes with the poached pear and the lavender icecream, which isn't strongly lavender-infused, but is more like vanilla icecream with a subtle hint of something sweet and flowery and damn right yummy.
They've been making them for years, and to me there's really something comforting about a menu that doesn't change much. Just a bit of seasonal variation then and there, but all the best stuff stays put, so when you most need it, on a cold Saturday hungover afternoon when you are turning thirty, it's there, just like it was when you were 19.
We had our own table in our own little section, which you want at the RSFS, as it's kind of the place where you meet your godmother for lunch, only she's having lunch and you're only up to breakfast.
You don't really want to be around all those well-dressed 50 something women who look down their noses at you and your unbrushed hair, and possibly stench of alcohol from the night before. You want your own little corner with your mates and the friendly waitress with the red lipstick who takes one look at you and tells you the fresh juices they've got (pink grapefruit and pineapple, orange and pineapple, yes please, just bring it, quickly), and places in front of you a strong coffee (good, strong, but not too earth-shatteringly so) without the usual weekend interminable wait.
Normally I sit outside under the trees and dream of living in one of the wonderful old unrenovated huge terraces next door, and of being able to pop next door to the Food Store for freshly baked muffins, croissants and their incredible bread (which my mother gets for free on her morning walks, they don't forget their old time customers) and god knows what other delicacies when writing gets too much, but in winter they've got a nice fire up the back and it's very cosy and sophisticated without being overly pretentious.
The other girls had a lamb soup and bacon and eggs, which they demolished in under 2 minutes, then helped me finish my hotcakes, which they were simply amazed by. Particularly the lavender icecream.
As we were leaving, Kate, unable to resist their 'wall of food' at the counter, a display of mouth-watering biscuits and pies and stews and cigar-shaped chocolates, bought me a neenish tart which was without a doubt the best neenish tart I have ever had.

Overall, Rathdowne St. Food Store will never change and I hope it will be there for ever and ever.

Penang Coffee House

2006-05-26T11:19:00.000+10:00

Penang Coffee House
395 Burwood Rd Hawthorn 3122
(03) 9819 2092

No Reservation Taken - Just get there and line up like everyone else.

The ‘chhhhhh’ of pungent curry paste hitting a red hot wok competes with ‘hhuuuuuuuu’ of the shaved-ice machine and the bubbly rumble of tofu and lo-bak deep frying in oil – the scents are always the same yet discernable to the knowing nose – yes, you have ventured into Penang Coffee House in Hawthorne.

A while ago PCH was perched in the enviable location of right next to Swinburn University and the train station, now they are a few blocks up the road – all the locals and regulars know where to find the new abode, but if you haven’t been before it’s all the same to you. The service and the food are the same as before, which is the important thing. I was in love with the old place because it was cramped, noisy, hot, busy and in a never before seen colour of green. New place is sparkly, white and roomy.

Okay, on to the important thing – FOOD. Your menu arrives – a green laminated (a good idea for pesky liquids and food stains) outline of what’s on offer – the food is obviously Malaysian but don’t be mistaken in thinking it’s your average Malaysian fare – it’s not. It’s geared towards the Hawker Food Stalls in South East Asia, where the aforementioned lo-bak sits with the curried chicken drumetts, satay skewers and fish cakes.

Noodle dishes like Char Kwai Teow packed full of pink-edged slices of roast pork, translucent prawns and crisp crunchy beanshoots stun the diner into blissful sounds of ‘mmmm’ and ‘ohhhhh’. The king of soups here at PCH is the laksa lemak – the most satisfying bowl of rich, coconut broth redolent with fresh herbs, curry paste and the unmistakable scent of fish sauce. Thick, soft egg noodles tangle with thin slippery ones ensnaring shreds of poached chicken and pork, beanshoots add texture to go with the deep fried slices of tofu which soak up as much of the yummy goodness of the soup.

If soup isn’t your thing then you can’t go past beef rendang coupled with a perfectly golden roti which comes hot and crunchy waiting to be broken off into bits and dunked into the pungent dark meaty goodness of the curry. You might want to get a milkshake on the way home if you get the rendang, but heartburn never felt so good. Ever. Personally I love the Ayam Kapitan chicken – and would often get this to share, and by share I mean use both hands, mouth and feet if I could while wielding my chopsticks to prevent anyone else from sampling the deep-fried pieces of peanut and chilli coated chicken which comes with sweet chilli sauce. I think it’s the only think I’ve vowed to love for all eternity…that and Krispy Kreme donuts, but that’s a religion really.

There isn’t anything I wouldn’t recommend here – there are oodles of noodle dishes, vegetarians will not go hungry and even the most fanatic chilli lover will be impressed – everything is done in enviable balance, the hot, sweet, sour and salty flavors come together in a harmony that leaves one lusting for more.

P.S When you go, ask for ‘Mandy’ and tell her where you heard about the place, it’s good to name drop as you’ll get the best service and she’ll be tickled pink that she’s the best.

Mekong, Vietnamese, Melbourne CBD

2006-05-20T08:23:00.000+10:00

Telephone : (03) 9663 3288
Adddress : 241 Swanston St Melbourne 3000

Short review: cheap and cheerful.

Long review:

Food was good, cheap Vietnamese fare. The egg noodle soup with thin-sliced beef was great value at $7-ish - you can pay that for a basic sandwich in the city. Serves were generously sized. The chicken-and-prawn spring rolls were crisp and tasty.

While I don't have the worldliness of my dining companions, Rowan and Chai, I'm not convinced it's the best Vietnamese food I've ever had. Having eaten at Saigon Palace in South Caulfield pretty much weekly when I lived near there, I'd have to say that Mekong's soup stock was a little too rich by comparison, and lacked subtlety in flavour. The vegetables were clearly terrified by the stock, and had hidden themselves well.

Chai and Rowan had the presence of mind to order broken-rice dishes with BBQ meats. They looked sensational, and smelt terrific (their arrival ten minutes or so before my meal added a certain piquancy too, I'm sure).

How to describe the service? It would be overstating to say it was unfriendly - perhaps extremely disinterested would be fairer. I had a moment of genuine alarm when, after taking orders from my dining companions, the waiter stowed his PDA and fixed me with a deeply apathetic stare. I had visions of a Vietnamese soup nazi shouting "No soup for you!" in my face. The truth was less interesting - he took that order on paper.

The decor was clearly from the Cheap Takeaway school of design - serviceable, but basic. Tables were jammed in so tightly that portlier diners would probably need the services of a shoe-horn to get into chairs. Every seat was taken, and hungry prospective diners milled near the entrance, eyeing our table pointedly.

As Chai pointed out, we weren't eating there for the service. Quite right. The food was the point, and the food was great for the price. Will I be back? Hell yes. Gotta try the broken rice!

Locality review - South East

2006-05-12T11:45:00.000+10:00

Hungry in the South Eastern suburbs? The following eateries are my pick of what's on offer in Oakleigh and environs.

1. Clover
Thai and Japanese
3A Station St, Oakleigh
Though it is good advice to be suspicious of a restaurant that combines 2 disparate cuisines, it is a literal marriage of these two cultures that lead the owners do so. No doubt because of its heritage, it works.

If you want some soup – there is miso, tom yum or a tom kha to choose from. Spring rolls or gyoza (and much more) for entree. Strangely the pairings kind of work. The sushi and sashimi is averagely good but it is the stir fries (“Wok Toss” dishes) that appeal to me the most. For a healthy meal, I can’t go past the beancurd and vegetables with fresh ginger and light soy.

There is also a good choice of Thai curries, salads, noodle and rice dishes. Food is of a uniformly good standard and the breadth of choice means there is something for everyone.

The restaurant is comfortable, service prompt and also offers takeaways.

2. Gasi Busi
Korean
80 Poath Rd Hughesdale
I spied this restaurant one day while checking out the organic grocery opposite. It was closed at the time but the menu looked interesting and cheap, yet the glimpses I got of the interior looked enticing.

We rocked up without a booking on a Saturday night and lucked the last table. The décor was more of a good Japanese restaurant, than the utilitarian Korean joints in this part of the world.

For a fussy eater like me, there was a pleasant amount of choices. Hard to decide whether to go for a sizzling plate, be tempted by the deep friend fish with cabbage salad or opt for a traditional hot pot. The dumplings for entrée were delicious, with an oddly meaty texture despite being vegetarian. We were hungry and service was slow. When mains arrived we descended like starving wolves.

The benchmark of Korean food, for me is the hot pot. I love the little bowls of pickles that come with it. My soft tofu and seafood came bubbling in its little vessel (sadly not made at the table). The flavour was great, but the seafood was scanty – tiny little shrimps and miniature mussels. His kimchi hot pot with pork had a hotter, sweeter sauce with a greater depth of flavour. The side dishes were pleasing, except for the broccoli covered with the special bbq sauce – I just didn’t like the flavour.

It was a pleasant experience with great flavours, nice surroundings but slightly marred by the slow (though very friendly) service and small servings.

3. Nights of Kabul
Afghan and Persian
39 Portman St, Oakleigh
Try not to let the tacky décor and vastness of this too often under populated establishment put you off. What they lack in decorating taste, they make up for in efficient service in this family run restaurant. The food really is worth checking out.

I love the pastries and the rice dishes here. For a non-meat eater the menu gets a bit repetitive with many of the mains mimicking the entrees, but it is a good, cheap, tasty meal. Carnivores have a wider selection. The lovers of ridiculously inexpensive wine will marvel at the prices, but connoisseurs should bring their own.

I haven’t made it on the nights of special entertainment – with traditional music or dancing, but I’d choose it over the vast Greek one across the road any day.

Honourable mention
Lecco Pizzaria on Atherton Rd. This is a cozy little eatery with red checked tablecloths and a couple of tables on the pavement. I've never eaten anything else here but the pizza was so good I came back for more – and I don’t even like pizza!

Shihans Chilli Bar, 137 Koornang Rd, Carnegie - a small shop selling Sri Lankan groceries and homemade delights from the bain marie and freezer. Great dhal. Worth stocking up on a couple of curries to keep on hand at home.

Final word
All of the restaurants would qualify for being a "cheap eat" - with mains all under $20, most between $10-15. None a foody mecca but still satisfying enough to palate and wallet.

Post originally published in confessions of a food nazi.

The Wall - Balaclava - Breakfast

2006-04-27T15:48:00.000+10:00

rear 280 Carlisle Street, Balaclava
9593 8280

There's an incongruity between the inside and the outside of The Wall. Outside, this appears to be an über hip outpost of Fitzroy camped out in East St Kilda. The kind of place that you think about applying heavy eye make-up despite getting out of bed on a Sunday MORNING. Only two small tables outside, and a couple of long cushioned benches against a sunny brick wall. Order from cool young things in tight jeans and black rock t-shirts through the-hole-in-the-wall counter and linger in the warmth of the sun as you sip your coffee.

Inside, the decor is all post-industrial and matched/mis-matched found local things, like the old wooden sign from a Kosher Butcher (which, though nodding to the area's Russian-Jewish history, jarred as most of the meat on the chalk-board menu was pig by-product (bacon, ham and pancetta) is also fits the more 'Northside' sensibility of the cafe. The customers inside don't fit the image of The Wall. Which is, I'm guessing, due to the menu.

All sorts of toasted pide make up the menu aside from a jungle curry added as almost an afterthought in small letters right at the bottom. And the place is packed with small people eating plain buttered or ham/cheese/tomato toasted pide with their small sticky fingers and drinking babycini attended upon by their big people eating smoked salmon and roquette toasted pide or pide filled with varying combinations of salad and ham or pancetta. Well, I would too! If I had a small person, I'd love the wall. Food that they'll eat without fussing over and seats that they won't fall out of unless they try very hard.

I enjoyed the baked beans that I ate but I wouldn't call them a knockout dish (I did dig the presentation - it was smart). My coffee was very good and I'd rate it ******** according to fluffy's rating system (though thankfully it didn't come in the uncomfortable cup, just the standard $1.50 glass). Don't get me wrong, the food was fine just very standard cafe fare especially where there is so much variety nearby.

Next time I go, I'll stick with coffee, sit on the bench and do the crossword or simply watch the world go by.

Coffee Pot Café – Werribee – Modern Australian

2006-04-08T15:50:00.000+10:00

Shop 1/70 Watton Street
03 9741 4141

If you’re travelling to or through Werribee, you are unlikely to go hungry. In the last few years, Werribee's Shopping Strip on Watton Street, has successfully re-invented itself. A welcome benefit of the revamp, is the choice between old favourites, such as the belly warming Golden Grill Turkish Restaurant on Station Street and their newer upbeat neighbours.

Winning the New and Emerging Small Business Award in 2005, Coffee Pot Café epitomises the new, fresh voice of Werribee. The décor is modern and the dishes are beautifully presented. My reason for liking the place is not so much for the food as the fact that unlike its neighbours, it offers you the choice to eat your meal on a balcony overlooking Werribee River.

The food is wholesome and generous. For chatting with mates, there are tasting plates and platters of dips. Otherwise, you’ll find a nice variety of focaccias, stir fries, salads and your average pub style meals, like chicken parma and fishermen’s basket. You can get a main for about $15.00.

The Cajun Chicken Salad I had was fresh and tasty although I wasn’t wowed by it. My mother’s Chicken Parmigiana was massive so Mum started off by tutt tutting, 'Oh I don't know how I'm going to eat all of that' afterwhich she promptly demolished the dish. While my mind was still on the food, Mum gestured toward a couple across from us. ‘Those two don’t belong to each other’, she said (in Dutch, thankfully). I’m obviously not the only one who thinks of this is a cosy place to escape.

The service was speedy although in my experience I wouldn’t say it was particularly child friendly. Child size meals are not offered and having asked for one, I was met with lemons.

Having said that, our tastebuds were won over by coffee that is both smooth and aromatic, guaranteeing my bottom at their tables in the future. Come to think of it - the name of the establishment was probably what drew my attention in the first place.

The Malvern Hotel, Malvern, pub grub

2006-03-31T13:38:00.000+11:00

Malvern Hotel
1117 Malvern Road
(03) 9822-3582
Pub grub - mains $18-$31

Last night, having been relentlessly hassled by my co-bloggers, we finally left the house to eat. Not wanting to venture too far, we went to our local pub, the Malvern Hotel.

Hugo, my PU#1* and I arrived at the Malvern around 8pm, and were seated in the front bit of the dining room, which although it has a lovely view of the National Security Agency and passing No. 16 trams, is a little drafty for a coolish March evening. I was glad I'd taken a jumper. Our somewhat ditzy blonde waitress brought us a giant blackboard of specials, but didn't explain anything other than the fish.

The Malvern Hotel has a long history - apparently, it's been there since 1857. I think the cheese twists they served as an appetiser may have been too. They came in a plastic packet, along with some warm olives. Hugo speculated that they may have been warm due to being pulled off someone's half-eaten pizza, but we wouldn't suggest for a moment that was actually true. The place seemed very clean and hygenic indeed.

We ordered steak (me), calamari (PU#1) and a rabbit pie (Hugo). It was approximately 8.10pm. At around 8.40pm, the crowd from the Blue Mountains (in town for the Commonwealth Games) were getting increasingly well-lubricated and, er, loud, but the natives were getting restless as our dinners hadn't arrived. At around 8.50pm we asked where our dinners were and the manager explained to us that there'd been a lot of orders at once (er, yes, and your kitchen staff ought to be able to cope with that). At around 9pm, PU#1 suggested to our waitress that perhaps we wouldn't have to pay for the food, since it was taking such an inordinately long time. At 9pm and 1 second the manager reappeared to tell us that it was coming, very, very soon, and that he'd love to offer us free hot drinks at the end of our meal to make up for it (hmph). At about 9.05pm our food finally arrived.

Now. Correct me if I'm wrong, folks, but a simple pub meal (and I have my steak blue, so it's not like it takes a long time to cook) shouldn't take an hour to arrive. Anyhoo. The steak was tasty (but I probably would have eaten a slab of raw walrus and pronounced it tasty by that stage, I was so hungry). The calamari was also nice, and not tough, and came with a lime mayonnaise, which tasted very mayonnaisey (i.e. not like the cheap Australian crap - Kraft, Praise, etc, etc), but not at all limey. In fact, if it weren't for the fact that it was a pale green colour, I would have doubted the limeyness. Actually, it may have been food dye.

Hugo's rabbit pie was disappointing. Bunnies are vermin, after all, and one would think there were enough of them (200-300 million is the estimated population) to fill a pie. But no! While he pronounced the bits of bunny there were delicious, he was left with a pie dish full of soupy liquid quite quickly. Not enough rabbit, too much stock was the overall verdict.

The portions were generous enough, however, and we found ourselves unable to contemplate dessert, although we did take the kindly manager up on his offer to supply us with free hot drinks. PU#1 ordered a short black, H & I had hot chocolates.

Now, there's really not that much you can do wrong with a hot chocolate. Or so you'd think. Personally, I like mine rich as Croesus, topped with cream, thick with marshmellows, lots of chocolatey goodness. But it's not essential. Milk, chocolate and possibly marshmellows are all the essential elements.

The manager brought over our hot drinks himself, still apologising for our tardy meals. Our hot chocolates had "artistic" swirls of chocolate topping on top of the foam. Ugh. Foam is just plain wrong, and chocolate topping taste disgusting to anyone over the age of about nine. Possibly ten if they're a late developer.

Hugo asked for a marshmellow. The manager scuttled off to get some. About ten minutes later he reappeared, highly apologetic but sans marshmellows, explaining that he'd actually gone across the road to the service station to try to buy a packet when he realised they didn't have any.

Bad planning, slow food (and not in the good slow food way), average pies... it's all not adding up to somewhere you'd want to eat dinner. There are great pub meals a-plenty in Melbourne. Give this one a miss.

*PU#1 stands for Parental Unit Number 1, and is used to refer to my mother. My father is PU#2.

A & V Lazar Charcoal Grill - Fitzroy

2006-03-21T19:38:00.000+11:00

Food:Steak
Entree: $7-$12Mains: $25-$29Dessert: $7-$12

Payment accepted: MasterCard, Visa, Diners Club, American Express and Bankcard
Licensed. Wine is available by the glass. BYO (wine only) no corkage fee.
Vegetarian options available
This venue accepts bookings. It is advisable to make a reservation ahead of time. Group bookings are supported.
Seats 200
Wheelchair access
Limited parking

Steak glorious Steak. There are few foods in this world (and possibly any other) better than a perfectly cook steak - by perfectly cooked I mean anything from medium to blue and mooing. Don't ever tell me a well-done steak is perfect, it's not and those who like it well done should stick to drive through.

A & V Lazar Charcoal Grill is a Melbourne institution - they have been around for more than 35 years and quite frankly as far as they are concerned, they are the steak place in Melbourne. Just ask the pictures of cattle on the day-old-blood red brick walls, or the blackened grill sending squeals from the plump sausages - or maybe just ask Alojz Lazar and his sons, your waiter is likely to be one of his sons.

For some reason the building reminds me of a great big brick oven - not because it's hot, quite the opposite really, it's big and airy - feeling more like a Swiss mountain cabin, or what I think a Swiss mountain cabin should/would feel like. The furniture is comfortable and no nonsense - there is a bar and an okay wine list, but let's face it, you're there to eat meat so no frou frou over the drinks - just sit down and forego the offer of a menu and tell them you want the 'Beef Banquet'.

Beef banquet gives you four sumptuous courses - a delicious beef broth, which, in winter, is just the thing to start warming up the chills in those bones. Believe me when I say you will crave that beef broth at the oddest times. Follow the broth with those meaty snags (not the waiters, jeez!) oozing their juices and begging for a smudge of homemade mustard.

This will lead you to what you're there for - MEAT. You would have requested rump, porterhouse or fillet from your cheeky waiter when you gave him your drink order. A word of caution - if you don't want your steak hanging over the edge of your plate, stick with a fillet. Of course the meat is well hung as in well aged so that the flavour is intense and optimum at time of cooking. It's a good thing when you chew your steak and your eyes roll back in your head from the explosion of meaty goodness without the unnecessary sauces and garnishes to detract from the taste of beef.

You do get a bowl of salad on the table with the banquet - crisp leaves, fresh flavours and a spoonful of creamy zesty potato salad. You don't have to eat it, but hey, some people do. Remember - you're there for the meat!

If you have room for dessert, it's included in your banquet - pretty much pancakes with strawberries and icecream will be your best bet. It's a nice nice way to end a glorious feast of the beast. Enjoy!

Fo Guang Yuan Art Gallery - City - Chinese, Vegetarian

2006-03-12T17:39:00.000+11:00

Name : Fo Guang Yuan (FGY) Art Gallery
Address : 141 Queen Street, Melbourne 3000, Australia
Ph: 61-3-9642 2388 Fax: 61-3-9642 3288

I worked in the building directly across the road from this place for over 6 months and never realised they were there. Would you believe 7 months? What about <insert own line here>? Anyway, it's all very low profile. No obvious signs at all outside the entrance to indicate there is an eatery there. Not sure why this is so. It's always pretty busy everytime I go there though.

In addition to their regular menu, they have 4 daily specials. These change from day to day. For example, the beef rendang, which is my favourite, is one of these specials, so you can only get it on the day it is featured. And the day it is featured? It varies. It was on Thursday last week. Not sure when it'll pop up again. It's possible they're promoting that pokies mentality that is so prevalent these days.

Generally, the food is served in some bento style box, where in the various compartments, I got a sweet potato cake (very tasty), some vegetables (bean shoots, cabbage), some diced fruit (apple and orange bits) and steamed rice in a separate wooden bowl. The rendang had a bit of bite to it (ie. spicy but not overly so) and would you believe you could see and feel the fibre of the beef. Incredible.

My companion had the chicken drumsticks. He was really impressed. Ice-cream paddles were used in place of where the bone would normally be. I've had most of the specials they offer and they're all really tasty too. I dont like calamari, but the fake stuff is really good. And the cod is not fishy at all. It's just great!

I've never really ordered from their regular menu as I usually order one of the daily specials instead. However, I am led to believe that their laksa is pretty good as well.

They have a large selection of tea (more than 10?). You must try the Kumquat tea. It is quite unusual but is very soothing and calming to the nerves. My companion described it as 'like warm cordial' which was ambiguous enough, having never tried warm cordial myself. But he said he'd order it again though. So he must have liked it.

Ambience? It's a very grand building/room. Reminds me a little of that library in Indiana Jones number 3. The place also offers Buddhist meditation so there is that peacefulness and calmness that one associates with this. Though I could sense some impatience in the queue when paying cos they were a little slow in that department. There are lots of exhibits (trinkets and the like) that line the display cabinets along the walls as well as odd statue of Buddha which adorns the entrance (from my creaky memory).

Prices? Of the 4 daily specials, 3 of them costs $8.50 each and the 'special' special is $8.80¹. From memory, the main menu dishes are around these sort of numbers. The tea was $5.50. Alcohol? Pfftt... They had some sort of cake for dessert but visually, it looked quite poor. I didnt try any. I understand food like this is very labour intensive, hence the prices are really good, plus if you see the premises, the rent must be astronomical.

Photos? D'oh.... forgot. Sorry. I'll add this retrospectively, if I remember, said the goldfish.

I've brought a few avowed carnivores here before and they all thought the food was good and all were very sceptical about it not being real meat ie. they didnt miss the meat component at all.

If everyone ate like this, there would be no need for any abbatoirs in the world. Can you imagine that?

Anyway, this place comes very highly recommended, even after discounting the novelty factor.

Note that the meat is not real meat, for the unenlightened.

¹The number 8 in Chinese is supposed to be lucky. Phonetically, it sounds like the word 'prosper'.

Tolarno - St Kilda - modern Australian & Malvern Fish & Chips - Malvern - deep fried food

2006-03-05T15:15:00.000+11:00

A tale of two hamburgers

Tolarno
Cuisine: modern Australian
42 Fitzroy Street, St Kilda, 3182
Phone: (03) 9525 5477
Hours: 6pm til late
Prices: bargain burgers, moderately expensive other food

Malvern Fish & Chips
Cuisine: "for the best hot food in town"
1380 Malvern Rd, Malvern East
Phone: (03) 9822 3886
Hours: dinner every day except Sunday
Prices: cheap!

I once read a description of a Tolarno burger as "the undoubted king" of bar burgers, and being a burger afficionado, I naturally had to set out immediately to sample said burger.

We arrived at the bar somewhat earlier than the kitchen staff arrived in the kitchen, and began with some aperitifs. Okay, tap beer. Whatever.

The kitchen didn't open til 6pm, and although the bar has a super-cute mini burger (if you care to look above, ladies and gentlemen, you will see it pictured here for your diversion), which is bargain priced at only $4, we were hungrier than a burger that's only half the height of a beer, and wanted a full Iain-Hewittson-sized burger. The man himself was sitting at the bar, so at 5.30pm, when our stomachs were in imminent danger of eating their own lining, we could wait no longer, and so told him we were going to leave if burgers were not served, forthwith!

Tolarno gets full marks for the obliging nature of the owner, who in response to three lovely ladies asking for burgers, promised us they would be ON THE TABLE at 6pm if we didn't leave for less hungry climes, and when the burgers had not arrived at 6.01pm, for using absolutely shocking language at the top of his lungs to the hapless kitchen staff, who then had the burgers on the table at 6.02pm.

The burgers are fat, and come with or without bacon (I'd recommend with bacon, as pigs are both intelligent and tasty), non-optional cheese, salad and beetroot (and although I normally despise beetroot and all its works, this is not the dreadful tinned stuff and is actually delicious) and optional chips (for an extra $2.50 - bringing the total, I think, to $12.50, although by the time we had a bottle of wine the total bill was around $75 for three of us).

The French waitress looked at us in a snooty manner when we asked for mayonnaise to go with the chips, but eventually made good with a bowl of aioli.

The problem is, the burgers taste like actual food. You can tell that the meat is meat, the vegetables are vegetables, and the bacon is bacon. A burger is not supposed to be able to be reduced to its component parts. A burger is supposed to be an indivisible whole of squishy goodness, tasting of nothing and everything. Plus, the chips have to taste like the same fat has been used since time immemorial.

Which brings us to the second hamburger. This hamburger - from our local fish & chip shop, Malvern Fish & Chips.

As you can see (above), the burger from Malvern Fish & Chips definitely scores points for having the requisite squished factor* (especially once it has been carried home in a calico bag containing a whole lot of other stuff). Like Tolarno, Malvern Fish & Chips also gets points for having an obliging owner -and no snooty French waitresses - our fish & chippery man will deep fry items brought from home on request. Last night Hugo fancied a battered and deep-fried banana (apparently this is called a "banana fritter"). The shop had run out of bananas, so we took our own banana with us.

Here's our man deep-frying it for us:

The chips get points for tasting as though the cooking oil has not been changed since the shop opened. Bonus points for the most massive potato cake I've ever seen. And extra bonus points for the whole thing costing $15.50 for two of us, and our man not charging us to deep fry our banana. Next time we are going to take a wheel of brie with us, and see if he'll batter and deep-fry that.

The Malvern Fish & Chips burger is highly recommended. But if you want your burger to taste like actual food, Tolarno's is a pretty good one. Plus, they've got a really nice bartender called Barney, and the Mirka Mora murals, which I admittedly don't have in my living room.

However, I'd like to see what Tolarno would do if you took your own foodstuffs in and asked them to deep fry them for you. If you want to try it, make sure you let me know the results.

*note the horsey that I drew on this plate when I was in Grade 2.

The Moroccan Soup Bar - North Fitzroy - Vego/Middle Eastern

2006-03-02T09:38:00.000+11:00

Moroccan Soup Bar

Cuisine: Vegetarian, Middle Eastern
Address: 183 St Georges Rd, Fitzroy North
Phone: (03) 9482-4240
Hours: Dinner only (6-10pm) Tue-Sun
Prices: Very cheap!

The striking looking owner comes over to the table with little glasses of sweet mint tea. She kneels beside us and asks, “Have you been here before?” For newcomers there is a preamble about the menu being verbal, yes there is soup, but also a range of dips, vegetable and grain dishes and Middle Eastern pastries. For regulars it’s easy, she asks you to gauge how hungry you are and then brings a stream of tasty food. This is the banquet, which can be lacto or vegan according to your requirements and from mint tea through to the shot of Moroccan coffee with dessert it will cost you about $16.50.

Dips are usually yoghurt or tahini based and come with some pickles, olives and pitta bread. My favourite is one made from cauliflower and was good to see it still on the menu when a group of us ate there recently. The spread this night for mains included – fried eggplant and spicy rice, chickpeas in a tangy yoghurt sauce on pitta, couscous with large chunks of vegetable in a flavoursome stew, a potato based dish with of lemon and tahini and finally a plainer rice and lentil plate. The amount was judged perfectly. The noninsomniacs followed it with the strong, sweet thimble full of coffee and we all tasted the dainty pastries. Other than baklava the stand out was a finger shaped biscuit spiked with rosewater and filled with a figs.

The Moroccan Soup Bar is tasty and cheap but I have a few minor niggles. Only groups of 6 or more can book a table and being a small restaurants it means unless you turn up before 6.30-7 pm it can be a long wait. There is no ‘bar’ to sidle up to, as this is a tea total (Muslim) establishment. On that note, men should be careful to not accidentally touch the women working there as that breaks some cultural taboos.

Friends from across the Yarra who may feel uncomfortable in the eclectically shabby surrounds might prefer the more up market Middle Eastern locals (Zum Zum or Najla). But for the rest of us, the Moroccan Soup Bar will do just fine for feel good, healthy food with a twist.

Review by another outspoken female

Sketches Cafe Bar - Burwood

2006-02-26T10:00:00.000+11:00

Address: 273 Burwood Highway, Burwood, Victoria
Phone Number: (03) 9889 8925
website: http://www.sketchescafebar.com.au/

Price Range: $7 - $13 for a meal, another $4 - $7 for dessert

Reviewer: BEVIS
Date: 26th February, 2006

Review:

Riss took me out to lunch the other week, and we went to Sketches because it was close by (and something new neither of us had visited before).

Being the kind of guy I am, I ordered the beef burger. (So sue me.) Riss ordered the tomato and spinach quiche with salad. Here are Riss' own thoughts on her meal:

"The quiche was a complete mini-quiche, not a slice of a large one, and the pastry was beautifully moist. Completely melt-in-the-mouth delicious. Fresh salad, lovely. (Didn't need the sliced olive garnish though.) We were seated promptly and our meals, pre-ordered, arrived instantly. The elderly gentleman behind BEVIS moved seats at his table so that he could stare more openly at me (I think, but I could just be paranoid). (Or you could just have tickets on yourself - Ed.) The service was unobtrusive and efficient; very civilised. The noise level was fine for conversation - not so loud that we had to shout but not so quiet that we would feel like the only people talking in the place and that everyone could eavesdrop. There was a happy buzz in the place. If there had been more people dining or a particularly raucous table then the acoustics afforded by the wooden floor would have amplified the sound in which case I probably would have asked to move to an outdoor table rather than shout. The Texas chocolate muffin I took away with me was also entirely scrumptious - moist and very chocolate-y.

"Overall rating, four and a half french fries (out of five). Great meal, excellent service, I'd definitely recommend the cafe to others and go back myself. Have also eaten breakfast there on another occasion and they dealt well with a large table mostly all having different sorts of eggs on toast. Big thumbs up."

Wow, what a fantastic guest review! Thank you Riss, you've made my job a lot easier!

As for me, the burger was unlike any other I'd ever tasted. The meat was a special homemade mince pattie which was cooked to perfection (not too chargrilled; not too rare), and complimented the fresh bun and salad items (tomato, cos lettuce, carrot and Spanish onion) brilliantly. It was extremely tasty and delicious, and I was pleased to note that the fries were also hot, cooked just right, and oil-free. Crisp and golden, they were. Delightful.

All told, it was a lovely meal - not to mention charming company.

(Especially for Riss.)

As the full menu (which can be viewed online) will testify, there are vegetarian meals available, and they serve their breakfast items all day. So if you're in the mood for bacon & eggs after work, that's no problem.

The prices were more than reasonable, and with friendly staff serving and preparing the food behind the counter, it really was a wonderful dining experience.

Rating: I give Sketches Cafe Bar in Burwood five out of a possible five stars. There really is nothing they could have done better; I couldn't fault them on a thing.

Stars: *****

Tom Phat - Brunswick - South East Asian influence

2006-02-22T14:52:00.000+11:00

One of the newcomers to the oh-so-up-and-coming lower Sydney Road area is Tom Phat. They've been around for a good 18 months or more and unlike many of the cafes in the area which do most of their business in coffee and eggs, Tom Phat have made a name for themselves as a relaxed place to get good food at any time of day.

The owner comes from working for 11 years in the outrageously busy Vegie Bar on Brunswick Street in Fitzroy. I have often stared into the hellmouth that is the Vegie Bar open kitchen on a busy night and thought that the pace would certainly not be for the faint of heart. None of this poncy shmoozy television cheffery here: we're talking tightly muscled urban kitchen guerillas. The kitchen at Tom Phat would seem quite restful in comparison, though it's a far cry from retirement for one who has certainly paid heavy dues.

All the dishes feature an asian spin, including cafe staples such as bacon and eggs. I enjoyed the scrambled eggs on roti with bacon, which comes as a deliciously messy pile of the elements mentioned as well as a tomato, basil, spring onion and coriander salsa with a lime juice and fish sauce dressing and two fragrantly spiced fried potato dumplings. These were not mentioned in the menu description and it was a nice added touch to the plate. Coffee was excellent.

Service is usually fast and friendly. On this occasion the waitress forgot to bring (or the kitchen forgot to make?) a side of mushrooms which I ordered. Just as well because I was very pleasantly full at the end of breakfast but it's worth noting especially as the side appeared on the bill.

Tom Phat seamlessly blends breakfast to lunch to dinner which seems to reflect the way we eat. Breakfast at 1pm on a Sunday is served alongside people sharing braised duck and a bowl of sweet thai fish cakes alongside people having cake and coffee. The atmosphere is always relaxed and there are always plenty on newspapers and glossy magazines if you are there on your own.

Scrambled eggs and bacon with roti bread and salsa $9.00

Tom Phat
184 Sydney Road
BRUNSWICK 3056
03 9381 2374

Chef's Essential

2006-02-19T14:15:00.000+11:00

17 Puckle St
Moonee Ponds 3039
(03) 9375 7102

I thought about doing a food review here, but decided it was about time we ventured into the world beyond food. Okay, I know there is no world beyond food.

Chef's Essential is a hidden gem - most people go to the city or somewhere in their 'burb to shop for their cooking essentials. I work in the area so I was just overjoyed to find this place. Chef's Essential is owned by the very capable David, who is as charming as he is knowledgeable on all things cooking.

If you are after anything from Chasseur Cast Iron pots and saucepans to KitchenAid mixers, egg timers and aprons, frilly lipped sundae glasses and pretty pastel bread bins. If you are serious about using the best equipment in your culinary endeavors then please don't pass up a visit to this little store.

Puckle St area is very busy, if you go and you want something to nibble on after spending hours in Chef's Essentials as you're bound to do, walk down the bustling street, dodge the Moonee Ponds workers, the Essendon Footy Club boys and the sweet elderly dears and make your way to Tutto Deli. It's a few shops from the Moonee Ponds Train Station but it's very worth it. The best coffee in the Ponds, and their lunch menu is innovative and delicious - pastas, soups, antipasto and risottos. My recommendation would be to have the small antipasto platter with a glass of whatever suits your palate. Enjoy.

Melissa Cakes – Altona – Continental

2006-02-15T22:50:00.000+11:00

34 Pier Street, Altona Beach
03 9398 8898

Often skipped over in favour of Williamstown, Pier Street, Altona has a quaint shopping centre with a dozen or so cafés and restaurants, all providing good, wholesome food with an almost ‘old world’ kind of service.

On the corner of Pier and Queen Streets, Melissa Cakes has a wonderful view of the historic Logan Reserve across the road or if you prefer to sit outside, Altona Beach.

In my humble opinion, this café is the star of the street if you are looking for cake and coffee. It doesn’t have the range of an Acland Street patisserie but there is a lovely selection of continental cakes and pastries rivalled only by Salt ‘n’ Pepa across the road, whose selection is supplied by Routleys.

This café is relatively new but has blended in well with the good feeling of the street. My friend and I were welcomed and served shortly after we arrived. Having had a coffee there the day before, I was treated like an old friend.

A Big Breakfast will cost you $10.00 plus drinks. Focaccias, baguettes and bagels in the under $10.00 range. We sat at a table inside, although there is a lounge area, where the wide screen was at one stage, providing the entertaining shenanigans of Humphrey B Bear.

Melissa’s cakes are delivered each day. Slices, sponges topped with glazed fruit and slivered almonds, syrup cakes, cookies, cannoli – some available in bite-size and who-needs-lunch-I’ll-just-have-dessert portions. These are cleverly showcased behind glass for those of us who drool too closely.

I chose a bite-size baklava, proving, on my part, a high level of self-discipline (together with a low level of income). It was everything baklava should be, the lightness of filo lavished by a sweet, heavy syrup jealously enveloping crushed almonds (or were they walnuts – damn it, that ruined the whole ambiance of the moment didn’t it?). It left me wishing I had chosen the meal replacement size.

My coffee was enjoyable and nicely presented although, I do prefer my coffee a little stronger than what must be the average. I took the photo of my mates hot chocolate because well, you can see why.

For those with a later curfew than mine, there is a bar and through the week the café stays open until about 11.00 pm depending on when the stragglers leave. Bar food is available and as is written on its board, ‘smiles are free’.

Incidentally, I’ve found one of the best places on the street for a quick and very good coffee is at Pier Street Charcoal Chicken. Its manager is quite a gifted coffee maker so this has become a meeting place for many. Alternatively, grab a take away and wander down the Pier.

Comedia Del Latté

2006-02-12T08:46:00.000+11:00

I like to think of the collaborative team at We Do Chew Our Food as a hand picked League of Food Justice, doling out the good (and sometimes, the bad) word about the world of food for the benefit of all the regular people out there. And, like the League of Justice, AKA "SuperFriends", each member had their own merits which bring the powers of the team as a whole to fullness. In time you'll get to know us all, as we'll get to know each other. After the first couple of times we save the world by the timely reviewing of the foods you'll come to feel safer just knowing we're here.

We actually live here. Sweet eh?

"Super" wise, I bring my own warm yet powerful brand of domesticity to the team. While the others are out doing the fancy stuff I'll be shaking the panatone crumbs out of the Hall of Justice toaster and grating a fine layer of Parmigiano Reggiano onto a tray of hot polenta.

But no type-A individual is that "up an at 'em" all the time. No, like you, we supers put our tights on one leg at a time. And when we wake up in the morning are our faces not all puffy and scowly, and does not our breath smell a little stale? So the first thing I like to do of a morning before the rest of the League wakes up is put on a pot of coffee.

HOME COFFEE

Without being a dull purist, I'm quite particular about my coffee. If you're unfamiliar with the workings of the stove top coffee pot, it does its thing by forcing boiling water at pressure through ground coffee and into a separate chamber. Reportedly, they can explode though thankfully I've never seen it happen first hand. If you're keen on some nice coffee at home on the old stove top (not technically an espresso but the closest thing you'll manage without buying a $1000+ machine) try Illy's sensational Caffe Macinato 250g can at home. It's vacuum sealed and will make a nice pssssst sound when you open it the first time. It's kind of pricey at $16.95 for 250g (that's about double what I pay for freshly ground beans at my local coffee shop) but it will look sexy on the kitchen counter so it all balances out right?

AWAY COFFEE

Having a coffee away from home should always be an indulgent and smug Fitzroyesque moment, whether you're slumming in Brunswick or being a hot young architect lounging in the window at Mario's. There's not a bad coffee worth drinking when there's so much good coffee about, so here's a handy rating system which can help you work out whether to tip your barista or simply run screaming.

********** Excellent coffee in your favourite café. The barista has written your name with love hearts around it in the froth. Served by an extremely attractive and attentive waiter or waitress who gives you a wink and all but fondles you when handing you your change. (sidenote: see Hospitality Crushes.) You order a second cup just for the hell of it.

********* Still a class "A" coffee, but (distracted by the hospitality crush?) you accidentally stir in a teaspoon more sugar than you intended. Not wanting it to go to waste you drink it down anyway but it leaves you with an unpleasant road rage edge to your coffee buzz.

******** Still an excellent coffee, and served by the same hot wait-person, but in a slightly strange glass which you're not that comfortable holding.

******* There's some grounds which escaped the filter and you swigged them down with the last sip. Now they're floating around your mouth and getting stuck between your teeth.

****** Coffee made by your mother is always on the bitter side or 'bittersweet'.

***** Coffee made by a trainee barista who over-steams the milk, essentially filling it with water. You try to go back when the other barista is on but they've swapped their shifts around and now the trainee is there on all the days when you usually go.

**** The foam is like fine bubbles rather than a creamy silky foam. Too much separation between the foam and the liquid, usually caused by inexpert foaming of the milk. In Queensland and Western Australia they seem to make a point of this separation and serve lattes in tall Irish coffee glasses to make the layers more prominent.

*** Coffee from a fast food restaurant such as McDonalds. American's favour drip filter coffee which is a far cry from what we've come to expect from our Italian inspired coffee culture.

** Coffee from almost any beachside resort in any tropical area in any country in the world.

* You are travelling in the country and stop into what appears to be a nice café. It looks cheery enough and there's plenty of people chatting happily and drinking coffee which from all appearances is coffee as it should be and eating generous slices of a nutty country cake. You order coffee from an eager to please young waitress and sit back with a copy of Women's Weekly c.1998. Coffee arrives and one sip tells you something is very, very wrong. Later investigation proves that the café uses a rainwater tank in which a large possum had drowned months previous. The locals had acclimatised slowly to the change in flavour.

Before you ask, no the last thing never happened to me. Though my mother did find a very bloated dead possum in a rainwater tank when she lived in the country as a little girl and they had all been drinking the water.

Rightio. Time to pop on a second pot for the League.

Las Chicas - Balaclava - Las Breakast

2006-02-08T22:26:00.000+11:00

VenueAddress- 203 Carlisle Street, Balaclava, Victoria
Phone- 03 9531 3699
Hours : Open 7 days, Breakfast and Lunch (Breakfast all day – hoorah!)
Price – breakfasts from $5-15

This bright and cheery café is one of the highlights of the Carlisle Street strip. Located at the foot of Balaclava station, Las Chicas’ location ensures it does a roaring trade in commuter breakfasts (coffee and muffin/croissant) on weekdays but this is the least of its attractions (except when I run out of coffee at home).

Though the tables inside are small and it gets a bit cramped inside, there are large tables outside (covered and sunny, with pram access) that can accommodate larger groups. If you turn up with a large group on the weekend, expect quite a long wait.

My most recent visit to Las Chicas was on one of those 40 degree days and I sat inside. I was asked if I would like a drink as soon as I was seated and a bottle of water arrived automatically before my coffee. My soy latte was fantastic and was delivered promptly despite the busy-ness of the café. It was strong and smooth, with a thick crema and no ‘grit’ or bitterness.

The menu is extensive and creative. It is largely comprised of breakfast items but with a section at the back of the menu for café staples (toasted ciabatta, salads etc.). I must say that I am constantly inspired by the breakfasts and haven’t ventured into this terrain. Then again, breakfast is my favourite meal so this isn’t much of a surprise.

Divided into sections - healthy, favourites, vegetarian, non-vegetarian and pancakes – there is something that will please anyone. From regular or bircher muesli ($5.50) through baked beans with pumpkin and polenta bread to the Bikini Benedict Blowout ($15) which consists of a toasted bagel topped with avocado, bacon, poached eggs and lavished with hollandaise.

Egg breakfasts come in half and full serves (one egg or two) and favourites such as eggs Florentine ($8.50/$11) or build your own ($5.50/$8) plus extras from $1.50 - $3 include standards as well as unexpected items such as sweetened ricotta. I love this as it means that on a hungry day you can order a two course breakfast – a half serve of eggs followed by breakfast dessert – sweet!

It is the set breakfasts where Las Chicas really shines. On the veg side there is a Japanese inspired omelette with enoki mushrooms or the brekky bruschetta (scrambled eggs and pesto on bruschetta sprinkled with pine nuts). Both are substantial enough but don’t leave you unable to move.

Bacon lovers tell me that the non-veg brekky burrito is a winner, with bacon, scrambled eggs, spinach and tomato folded inside a tortilla. This breakfast is popular with the irritating carb-conscious make-up and strappy heels at breakfast set that can be seen around St Kilda but contains enough fat and taste to please others too.

On this occasion, I ordered from the healthy section of the menu; stewed fruits with pistachio ricotta and cinnamon toast ($8). When it arrived, it gave the people sitting next to me order envy. Two pieces of sugar and cinnamon encrusted ‘fried toast’ pide is hardly healthy, especially when eaten in concert with the generous amount of creamy ricotta with which it comes. Lucky that the rest is fruit, right? My bowl included two types of separately stewed fruit – rhubarb with cloves that isn’t overly sweetened and apple with cardamom and nutmeg. The rich red of the rhubarb and pale apple provided an aesthetically and tastebud pleasing contrast.

The toasted flaked almonds sprinkled on top provided a really nice crunch and texture contrast with the smooth fruit and ricotta. In case it isn’t obvious I will point out that I was really happy with my breakfast and will definitely order it again.

Despite the Las Chicas being really busy, I never felt rushed to vacate my table even though I lingered over the crossword with nothing but water after finishing my second coffee.

I highly recommend Las Chicas, through gritted teeth as I don’t want it to get even busier on the weekends!

Roberto's - Richmond - Italian

2006-02-04T21:50:00.000+11:00

Venue - Roberto's
Cuisine - Italian
Address - 428 Bridge Road, Richmond
Tel : 9428 3845
Hours : Open Mon-Sun 4-Late And they do take away.
Price: around $25 for shared Pizza and Main Pasta
Just cruise on down if you want to go. They are most accommodating.

Back when I was a troubled teenager giving my parents grief by forming punk bands, sneaking into nightclubs and growing my hair into dreadlocks, I was also a vegetarian. In order to make up for some of the grey hairs I caused my parents, I was often called in to work for them. Luckily for me they weren't butchers, and there was even a brief shining moment in my father's not always illustrious career when he was employed as a food critic.
Being the proud carnivorous Kiwi man that he is, and never one to miss an opportunity involving free steak and lamb's brains, my father needed someone unafraid to order the vegetarian dishes, in order to be able to give his vegetarian readers the balanced reviewing they had become so used to by the early '90s.
So I got to be his 'Vegetarian Daughter'. My father's name for me up in shining lights! The naive opinions of 'Vegetarian Daughter' were duly stolen and printed in the magazine or newspaper shortly thereafter.
So it is with much joy and delight that I now get to write my own words, for printing on our own esteemed blog, and therefore I christen this, my first review, with a review of a vegetarian meal.
The Italians occasionally understand the need for an all vegetarian meal, and this meal at Roberto's did not disappoint. The owner is the son of another Richmond local, a bottle shop owner whose small business could not compete when Dan Murphy's moved in. Being raised in Richmond, he felt the need to create a restaurant of his own in his home suburb. And you can tell. There is none of the glitz and glamour of the newcomers to the inner-city. Roberto's is smart but thoroughly unpretentious, much like my companions for the evening. It's like one of those friends who gives you a much needed kick back down to earth when your head starts to swell, and is definitely about content over style.
Not to say that it's not stylish. Far from it. The decor is simple and smart, and there are none of the unfortunately over-popular ugly, garish paintings (always done by unknown 'well-known local artists') that too many restaurants stick on their walls in an attempt to appear cultured. If you don't know art, and you can't afford to hire someone who does, it's better to have plain white walls.
The atmosphere is light and friendly, the service fairly attentive (although they could have been a bit more attentive towards our wine bottles) and polite, and, apart from a slamming door that made the whole restaurant stop and stare at me on my return from the toilet, with the added bonus of my table pronouncing me a 'drama queen' (what did I say about the kick back down to earth?), the night was easy and relaxed.
We started with a pizza; simple, traditional Italian style, a margarita with fresh herbs. A thin crust, generously sized, it was delicious and went beautifully with our bottle of Marlborough Sauvingon Blanc (what else would one expect from a table of 5 New Zealanders?).
For the main course I had the Vegetable Fettucine (as a bonus you can choose your own kind of pasta, I adore restaurants where you can do this), in a Napoli Sauce, which was full of many different sorts of vegetables and fresh herbs in a proper tomato Napoli. Again, a generoso molto with regards to size. The pasta was aldante, the parmagiano plentiful, and no annoying waiter persons appeared brandishing giant pepper grinders and asking with the enthusiasm of an eager to please Irish Setter 'Cracked pepper? cracked pepper?'. (I'm sure I will be writing more about this annoying, conversation interrupting trend). This was a little bit of the real Italy, in dirty ol'Richmond.
My only criticism would be the lack of entree sized pastas. Not everyone can eat that much in one sitting, even food-obsessed bloggers. In particular one of our group, whose a wee little thing, and we wanted to taste both the pizza and the pasta as they are both well worth trying. In fact there wasn't much at all in way of entrees, and my wee friend had to suffice with an entree plate of calamari (which she nonetheless pronounced to be very good).
One of my other companions, who is a chef, had the stuffed pollo. This he eventually, (once he took a brief pause from eating), pronounced very tasty, in his esteemed opinion, and noted the unusual addition of sundried tomatoes in the stuffing.
It wasn't Italy 1, but it was a far cry from La Porchetta. If you're looking for decent pizza and pasta at a reasonable price, in a nice environment, check it out before everyone else discovers it.

Kingdom - East Hawthorn - Chinese

2006-02-01T19:35:00.000+11:00

Venue: Kingdom Chinese Restaurant
Chinese Cuisine
46 Tooronga Village East Hawthorn
Star date : Sometime in Dec 2005

MLI and I went here during the peak of the holiday season, hot and desperate for some cool air and edible food. Kingdom was our only option as everyone in Camberwell goes to the Bahamas or something over Christmas so I'm told.

Tooronga Village is a shopping precint in tatters and Kingdom Restaurant is one that saw its glory years sometime in the 1980's. Have you seenBlue Murder? Well this is the sort of restaurant Australia's underworld would have frequented. Seriously. I expected Neddy Smith and Detective Sergeant Roger Rogerson to be discussing a million dollar drug deal at the next table, smoking up a storm and knocking back Fosters.

As all good gangsters stories note, it is in the little details that the story is told. For instance on arrival we were seated at a lower level table, presented with poor wine menu and opted for corporate cola instead. This is where the vestiges of 1980's service presented itself. We were served WARM DAMP TOWELS! Heavens! The last time I saw that sort of service was on a Air New Zealand flight in 1988.

Other service tics observed at adjacent tables were unfashionable and outdated, causing MLI and I to feel we were in a time warp. Therefore I can't for the life of me remember what we ate, except that it did taste much better than I expected...and that we left before dessert, to the absolute surprise of the wait staff.

Cost:About $50.00 would have been much more with decent wine, the glugger that I am.

Conclusion: Food was a poor second to the time warp affect of the restaurant's service and decor. Seemingly a place that has had a glorious past and could do with some young blood, a revitalised catchement, a makeover and a decent wine list to see it through. 4 out of ten.
Reviewer: Ladycracker x 2

Colombo’s- Balwyn- Essentially Italian

2006-01-27T11:09:00.000+11:00

Venue- Colombo’s (Family Restaurants)
Address- 250 Whitehorse Road, Balwyn, Victoria
Phone- 03 9836 6442
Open 7 days, Breakfast, Lunch and Dinner from 7am till late
Price- Entrees- $10-$15 Mains: From around $17-$25. Seafood Platter higher. (Pretty average really)

It was the obligatory matriarchal, mother-in-laws age-unspecified birthday and the venue was chosen by my brother-in-law based on location (easily accessible for the crew coming from the Thornbury, Eltham and Croydon regions) and a wide variety of foods for even the fussiest eaters.

Having discovered via its website prior to going that it was a family restaurant, I was expecting it to verge on the tacky side of ambiances but was actually pleasantly surprised by the décor. There was a mixture that could suit all depending on where you were sitting in the multi-levelled complex. Part exposed brick walls, part neutral painted rendered walls which were adorned with a mix of modern art work gave the venue a more up-market feel. There was a section with a whole lot of cricket related paraphernalia but I wasn’t seated near there.
The highly air-conditioned atmosphere, combined with a large screen TV in one section screening the tennis, ensured that the venue would have been busy for most of the day.

We were seated in a raised section. I was lucky to sit on the booth style side of the table which looked a fair bit more comfortable then the wooden chairs on the other side. The table was set with a variety of glasses, icy cold jugs of water, cutlery, linen napkins and a couple of ice buckets. These, I found out later, were essential as the entire restaurant was BYO with no alcoholic beverages available on the menu. I hadn’t come across this for a long time and it is essential knowledge if you plan on dining there.

The service was very good. They were friendly and courteous, even when mother-in-law, who arrived at the restaurant before the rest of us, got confused by the table setting for 8, had them change it all to a different table set for 6 and then realising that the original number was correct, had them move it all back again!

The meals didn’t take all that long to come out and all came at the same time which I think is important when dining with a group. (I’ve eaten out at places before where some people had finished their whole meals before others had even gotten their’s. Not acceptable!)
The boys all enjoyed their main meals. Veal Parmigiana, Scallopine Vino Bianco with Mushrooms (no animal activists on this table) and an Eye Fillet went down very quickly. The boys all chose vegetables over fries which looked really good. The sizes were quite large. I observed the male on the table near ours receiving his entrée of Nachos, which was huge, and overheard the inevitable comment of his wife, “And you ordered a pizza as well?” She had that annoyed look on her face that women get when they take the high road.
The entrée sized pastas were plenty. The Spaghetti Marinara seemed to include a lot of seafood and if I liked seafood then I’m sure it would have been good. It was enjoyed by those that did.
I had a gourmet Vegetarian Pizza but was a little disappointed. The “special sauce” seemed to have been smeared on with a toothpick and perhaps I missed it but I didn’t seem to come across any of the bocconcini cheese or sundried tomatoes that were supposed to be on it. Never-the-less, it was tasty and filling and at $14 a pop, wasn’t worth complaining over.

We all wanted to get out of there because the gang (minus the old folks), were coming back to our place for drinks, but in walking out, I regretted not ordering a dessert. They looked great!
Millions of different individual portions of mouth-watering delights behind glass cabinets paved the walk in and out.
Escaping outside into the street, I thought I had passed all temptation but low and behold, the front windows once again captured my attention with their sticky, sinfull treats. I had to be peeled off the window and I know that if I ever go back (I doubt I’d go out of my way, but if I comes up), I will definitely be getting a dessert!

Oh, and before I forget, for those that are meat adverse, there are a variety of dishes that might suit, from potato skins, to bruschettas, dip trios, pastas, risottos, salads, eggplant stacks, oh, and did I mention those delicious looking deserts that showed no signs of meat whatsoever? Mmmm meat-free-desserts.
Hehe, that makes me think of the Meat Shake album by Ugly Duckling....... sorry this is a restaurant review, not a music review.
end

Reviewed by Debs

Kent Hotel - Carlton North - Modern Australian

2006-01-25T20:54:00.000+11:00

Venue – Kent Hotel
Cuisine – Modern Australian, which like the neighbourhood includes a strong Italian influence
Address – 370 Rathdowne St, Carlton North
Phone – 9347 5672
Open 7 days, lunch and dinner
Price range – depends on how much you drink, mains ~$19-29 (pizzas and snacks are cheaper)

When I first ate at The Kent it was a typical Aussie, green tiled pub. The front bar was inhabited by old codgers, the back bar was where you grabbed a couple of cold beers to takeaway, when you were feasting on fish and chips over at the park. At some point, a couple of enterprising young women took over the defunct kitchen for a few nights a week and whipped up pastas and other homely treats.

Ah, but those days are over. The Kent is all fold back doors, French café posters and designer beer on tap. Not a green tile in sight. The food also has evolved from chunky fettuccine to large pillows of ravioli and the perfect al dente spaghetti marinara. The menu changes seasonally and is augmented by a daily blackboard of specials. There are always some good sharing options, like a plate of better than average dips and bread, or chunky fries that never fail to please - perfect to snack on with a cold drink or 3 when you don’t feel like indulging in a full meal. There is range of tempting pizzas, thin bases, wood fired (I think), more gourmet than traditional. The staff never blink when I have done a fussy bitch™ order and asked for the seafood pizza without the cheese and what’s more it is always yummy. Mains include chunks of meat (which carnivores always assure me are wonderfully tasty), risotto (vego and non), there is always some kind of delicious dish of crustaceans, pasta and fish and chips. Remember to check out the specials – which usually include a pizza of the day, soup, ravioli, fish, chicken and other meaty dishes. The specials here actually deserve the title, they are a special take on the dish of the day. Then there is dessert! Too hard to decide? They will make you a tasting plate of sweet treats.

The Kent is a modern pub for all seasons. The food is certainly restaurant quality, but offers many options away from the rigidity associated with formal dinning. Whether it is a pizza for lunch with a good cup of coffee, a shared plate of calamari with a friend over one of the excellent wines by the glass or a full on 3 course meal, it suits all occasions. Some people even just come here and drink. On summer days, the extended footpath is the perfect spot to sit overlooking Curtain Square and catch the afternoon sun. Inside you can be seated more informally at one of the tables near the bar, or in the adjoining dinning area. Wherever you sit, the service is almost always excellent.

As much as I miss the homely dinning room in the old pub, I have a growing affection for this versatile local. What’s more it solves the age old quandary of where to go when you have vegetarians/meat heads/allergic/only want a salad/only eat dessert – type of friends wanting to get together for a good night out.

Reviewed by Another Outspoken Female

The Glass - Brighton - Thai

2006-01-20T06:48:00.000+11:00

[I feel like the act that follows on after U2, or Radiohead or Elvis, viz Mel's post. Hello, hello, *eeeEEEEEeeeee*, is this thing on?]

Venue: The Glass
Thai Cuisine
Brighton Bay Arcade 293-297 Bay St Brighton.
Across from the Brighton Bay Cinema.
Star date : 14 January 2006, Earth.

It wasnt my idea to come here. I wanted to go the tapas place next door mainly cos I've never had tapas before, ever. Maybe I have. Dont remember. I'd spent a few nights with a Catalonian family many years ago. I remember the paella, but nothing else.

Anyways, it was a pre-movie dinner. And the words "It's not you, it's me" was muttered at the end of it all. More details about this on my blog later in the week, for the curious.

I've never been to this place before. It's quite small. 8 - 10 tables? I didnt really count. Looks quite nice, lots of glass, wooden tables with those paper table clothes. Weird name for a Thai restaurant though.

It was pretty full. The service was not bad. It was quite a comfortable surrounding. Not formal. Nice enough for a pre-movie meal. The food arrived reasonably quickly. Not sure if this is any indication but apart from the owners, I was the only Oriental there, but then, it is frigging Brighton.

We ordered the fish cakes (shared) for entree, and for mains, the massaman with chicken (see pic) and the prawn red curry. All this with steamed rice. The serves were of moderate size.

Verdict - the fish cakes were nice. We were given some sort of sauce. Sort of plum-ish. Sorry for the lack of details. I forgot about the blog and didnt take notes or pics. D'oh.

The chicken was a peanut and potato dish. It was *really* sweet. Too sweet. I dont know if it is supposed to be like this but this sort of spoiled (spoilt?) it for me, a little. My companion had the same opinion. She didnt think it was supposed to be this sweet. Edible though.

The prawns were nice. Had a little bit of heat in it. I quite liked this dish. It was sweet too. Yes, I did wonder if all their other dishes err on the sweet side.

They had the usual fritter with ice cream selection for desserts, and one exotic'ish one which escapes me right now. We didnt have any desserts.

Cost : The bill was presented on a banana leaf. Cute. Above with one glass of sparkling wine came to just under $50. She paid.

Conclusion : It was competent food but nothing exceptional. Passable (no pun intended). I've had much better Thai food elsewhere. Would I eat there again? I wouldnt make a special trip there just for the food, but if I was already in the area, I guess I would consider it but will probably push for the tapas next time. Very generously, I give it a lucky 6/10.

Reviewer: Deuce Chai

Binh Minh – Richmond - Chinese/Malaysian/Thai

2006-01-16T22:17:00.000+11:00

Restaurant – Binh Minh
Address – 40 Victoria St, Richmond
Telephone - 03 9421 3802
Price for two – About $40 for two (includes entrée and mains) BYO

My perennial favorite for a mid-week non-cooking evening meal – if you get there about 5pm the place is deserted save for the mother of the owner who can be seen babysitting her grand-daughter at one of the close-to-kitchen tables. If you get there at 6.30pm you’ll need to shout because it’s positively deafening in the place, people talking, dishes clattering and glasses toasting in cheerful clinks.

On the table you’ll find metal cutlery, chop-sticks, plastic soup spoons, paper napkins, the ever-present, always useful soy sauce and a truly alarming bottle of crushed chilies. One of the friendly waiters will come over and set a small bowl and a saucer in front of you – along with the menu. The lunch menu is included – and the kitchen is generally happy to make you whatever you want from the lunch menu, at dinner prices – but when you see the dinner items, you wouldn’t want lunch.

I have to recommend the chau-dum (steamed parcels of mince meat and vermicelli noodles wrapped in spinach leaves) which comes with chili soy and crisp lettuce leaves as an entrée for two to share. In winter I can’t go past a bowl of the delicious won-ton soup with the tenderest slippery dumplings swimming in clear, clean flavored chicken broth. For mains I have a few favorites – beef rendang (with a crunchy roti), Char Quay Teow ( oodles of noodles with fresh bean shoots, prawns, barbeque pork and chicken) and the Chili Lemongrass Combination.

There are always at least six ‘specials’ on the two blackboards skewered to the walls – I’ve tried a few things from that list and have always been delightfully impressed. If you don’t know what to order from the sheer number of possibilities, then ask your waiter – he’ll recommend something for you.

There is a pretty decent bottleshop across the road, venture over and pick up some beer or even a bottle – it’s worth it. Enjoy.

McDonald's - Doncaster East - American Cuisine

2006-01-13T13:00:00.000+11:00

Store Name: Doncaster East
Suburb: DONCASTER
Postcode: 3109
Address: Corner of Blackburn & Doncaster Roads
Phone Number: (03) 9842 9987
Price Range: $5 - $8 for a meal, another $3 for dessert

Reviewer: BEVIS
Date: 16th January, 2006

Review:

This McDonald's is one of the more pleasant McDonald's in the eastern suburbs, as it has a large, friendly and open atmosphere, having recently been renovated from a more cramped - but equally friendly - layout.

The service I encountered upon my visit was both courteous and efficient. I was especially delighted to hear that it was a pleasure to take my order.

Even though I requested a Quarter Pounder with Cheese as a "grill" (industry term for 'special order'), it was still a pleasure to take my order, as far as I could tell.

My "grill" consisted of "small" onions (another industry term; this time referring to the diced onions they put in the Junior and Cheeseburgers, rather than the coils of raw onions the "large" burgers automatically receive ... and which I loathe), and extra pickles.

Yes, extra pickles.

This reviewer is nothing, if not healthy.

Truth be told, there was going to be a three minute wait on my burger, but I was delighted to discover that it was my choice as to whether or not I wanted to have my Fries and Coke now, or wait and receive it all together. I opted for the former, so that I could eat while I waited for my burger, and not allow my Fries to go cold in the meantime.

The Fries themselves certainly earned their trade-marked subtitle of "Australia's Favourite Fries", as mine were cooked to delightful golden brown and were not-too-salty; not-unsalted-enough. They were also warm, and contained almost no little green or black bits on the end.

The Coke was watered down, of course, but this is par for the course with McDonald's Family Restaurants, as you will no doubt come to learn as this series of McDonald's reviews continues. However, the ice was just enough to keep my drink cool for the duration of my entire meal, without there being so much that it meant I had very little actual drink in the cup at all. A delicate balance to find at the best of times, my Server - whose name was Tammy, apparently - was able to find that balance and leave me feeling refreshed and revitalised as a result.

When my burger came out (handled with grace and care by Derek, another efficient Server - although this time with no smile), I was pleased to discover that my "grill" had been made to order, and the burger was very hot - just how I like them!

Upon biting into the burger, I was astonished to find that it was a veritable taste explosion, hampered only slightly by the streams of juice/fat running down my fingers and onto the burger's wrapper.

I ordered a large meal, which cost me $5.95 (Australian).

The other diners around me were largely young parents with a few children each, the odd businessman or woman, and one druggie in the corner. The restaurant was clean and bright, and the playground out the back was highly enjoyable after the meal (although I was escorted from the grounds after fighting with a three-year-old girl, Penny, about whose turn it was next for the slide).

It was mine, dammit.

Rating: All in all, I give McDonald's in Doncaster East 4 out of 5 stars.

Stars: ****

The Edible Manifesto

2006-01-01T12:29:00.000+11:00

!!IMPORTANT!!
These are just guidelines and not fast and hard rules. Just use your judgement. Just guidelines.

The Edible Manifesto

All new reviews/posts goes into blogger draft.

Suggested format

Reviewer name, date

Title - Name of establishment, Suburb, Cuisine type

Link - URL link to place, if any.

Non-Subjective Section

Subjective Section

Typically, 1 review published a week.

Nothing libelious.

Publishing reviews

if X has 10 reviews already published and Y has only 1, Y would be published next

Eateries/Venues

typed through clenched teeth, applies only to the mffj bit

I am of the opinion no, not as a primary post, but feel free to link it into your eatery review but if enough of you say otherwise, I will bow to mob rule. I leave this bit up in the air. Default = no.

Contributing reviews

Post Change Time and Date

There are no obligations for anyone to produce anything at anytime.

Blogger wanting to leave the group.

Desperado, why dont you come to your senses?

At the end of each month, we all vote on one evictee.

yes, I had difficulty coming up with 10

I look forward to the evolution of this blog, based on our intelligent designs. Really.

This document is still evolving.
Just guidelines.

Proposed Posting protocol

1990-01-15T19:34:00.000+11:00

[OBSOLETE!
See here for latest manifesto - Chai ]

Hiya.
Seeing that everyone is so shy, I'll start with a tentative protocol.

Note that this is preliminary, so we can change whatever you dont like (hence my argument that a benevolent dictatorship is the best form of government and that a democratic system has too many flaws, but that is another discussion).

* Title is the restaurant name followed by the food region type - like Thai, International, Indian etc... we can come up with some fixed categories. This is to make searches easier.
eg. Cafe Sofia - Italian

* Link - a link to the restaurant, if any.

* Location plus a generic description of the restaurant, price range, non-subjective stuff.

* Reviewer name, date followed by a subjective review/comment etc... on ambience, size, service, whatever.

How does this sound? - Chai
ps
I hope this doesnt end up badly. We're all mature and rational adults, right? Guys?

New proposal
I was thinking maybe new reviews go into the drafts and then we release one every 2 or 3 days? This way, we dont get like a bunch of reviews in 1 day and then nothing for a while. And gives people a reason to visit on a regular basis, knowing there will be a new review. Thoughts?