A sausage roll!

By the mystic regulation
Of our dark Association,
Ere you open conversation
With another kindred soul,
You must eat a sausage roll!

(Chorus)
You must eat a sausage roll! A sausage roll!

If, in turn, he eats another,
That’s a sign that he’s a brother –
Each may fully trust the other.
It is quaint and it is droll,
But it’s bilious on the whole.

(Chorus)
Very bilious, very bilious on the whole!

It’s a greasy kind of pasty,
Which, perhaps, a judgement hasty
Might consider rather tasty:
Once (to speak without disguise)
It found favour in our eyes.

(Chorus)
It found favour, it found favour in our eyes!

But when you’ve been six months feeding
(As we have) on this exceeding
Bilious food, it’s no ill-breeding
If at these repulsive pies
Our offended gorges rise!

But, But,

Women:
Yes, at these repulsive pies
Our offended gorges rise! But, But,

Men:
Yes, at these repulsive pies
Our offended gorges rise!
Our offended gorges rise!
Our gorges rise!

All:
By the mystic regulation
Of our dark Association,
Ere you open conversation
With another kindred soul,
You must eat a sausage roll!

A sausage roll, a sausage roll!
A roll, a roll, a sausage roll!
A sausage roll!

(Chorus)
You must eat a sausage-roll, a sausage roll, A roll, a roll, a roll, a roll, a roll, a sausage roll! A roll, a roll, a sausage roll! A sausage roll!



"By the mystic regulation"
The Grand Duke
Gilbert and Sullivan





And such was the decree I issued to my associates at We Do Chew Our Food Inc. AKA the Super Friends. Steely eyed, I took my time to meet the gaze of each member at the Justice League boardroom table that day. This was an important project – but was it important enough to die for? Eating of the sausage roll is not without its dangers. The bad guys known to associate with the riff raff of the pie warmer crowd are a truly nasty bunch – E. coli, botulism, salmonella – the act of stuffing a sausage roll in the old pie hole is not dissimilar to holding a loaded gun to your head and playing Russian Roulette.

A delicious, toasty loaded gun. With sauce.

If it weren’t for the occasional freaking outstanding sausage roll, what reasonable person would suffer all the inedible greasy over-salted filth which passes for take away goodness? At its best, the sausage roll is foodie brilliance. Engineered to be gob shaped at the cross section, representing as many food groups as you like, edible out of a bag, flaky, delicate yet robust. Finding the perfect sausage roll was a quest worth dying for.

Or as any good general worth her salted squid knows, it is, at least, a quest worth sending others out to die for.





Reviewer: Chai

I told my 9 y.o. kid the We Do Chew Our Food bloggers were going to do a sausage roll review.

"Everyone?"
“Almost everyone”, I said.
"What if they don’t like sausage rolls?"
“You don’t have to like it. You just eat it and review it.”
"What if you cant eat one? What if you have Celiac's disease?"
[silence]

Okay, the sausage roll was made on the premises. It was freshly made. Could not taste any traces of sulfate.

Location: Somewhere in Camberwell.
Not identified cos it's not exactly an endorsement and I don’t want to be responsible for depriving anyone of their livelihood.

Not acceptable Chai! This is about punishing the evil and rewarding the good. We’re not called the freakin Justice League for nothing - Ed.

Time of consumption: 9.45 a.m.
Cost: $2.40
Pastry: Was not flaky. Had toasted breadcrumbs on it, which made it sort of crispy/crunchy. Novel. Not unpleasant.

Filling: It tasted fine, a little on the bland side and not overly salty like those mass produced rolls. Unfortunately, perhaps it contained a little too much filler. You couldn’t really taste the meat, per se. Also, there was a slight aftertaste. My palate is not sophisticated enough to identify it. Something along the lines of oregano.

Tomato sauce: Optional at 20c per pouch.





Score : An edible 6 out of 10.




Reviewer: Mellie
Name: Hanna's Bakeshop
Address: 172 High Street, Ashburton, VIC, 3147
Phone: 9885 3787
Open: 7 days
Cost: $2.20, plus an extra $0.20 for squeezy sauce

Not being a huge sausage roll fan, mainly due to an aversion of second rate slimy sausage mince, I decided to take on the challenge of the We Do Chew Our Food Great Sausage Roll Review and overcome my bizarre disinclination. So I ventured down to the local bakery, Hanna's Bakeshop in Ashburton, and threw myself into the task wholeheartedly. Surprisingly, the sausage roll was damn yummy, and not brick-like in that sausage mince kind of way. It was heartily full-flavoured and contained perceptible gratings of carrots and a few mushed up peas. The pastry was flaky and buttery and not at all soggy, and it arrived piping hot from the pie warmer. Alas, I decided to bring it home for consumption, pairing it with a particularly good bush tomato ketchup.









Reviewer: Liz
Michels Patisserie, Victoria Gardens Shopping Centre, Burnley.
Pastry: It had a texture like damp cardboard with a few flaky bits here and there.
Filling: no obvious meat texture – highly processed sausage meat, possibly containing breadcrumbs, plus a few bits of onion and plenty of white pepper.
Temperature: ok, bit on the cool side.
Tomato sauce: squeezy pack for 30c – outrageous!

Overall comment: Undoubtedly mass produced. Extremely average, no better than a Four ‘n Twenty.

OR… make your own
As a contrast, I thought I’d provide my family’s recipe for the ultimate home made party sausage rolls. Flaky pastry from your supermarket freezer – couldn’t be easier or better.

1kg sausage mince (plastic tube at supermarket)
1 finely chopped onion
Handful of chopped parsley (optional)
4-5 sheets of puff pastry (Pampas or similar from supermarket freezer)


Mix sausage mince, onion and parsley in a bowl – use your hands if you like.

Cut pastry sheet in half. Place a log of sausage mixture (approx 2cm in diameter) along one of the long edges of the pastry. Brush a line of milk or egg along the other long edge of the pastry and roll the meat side towards the milk side. (The milk helps the two layers stick.) You can now cut into smaller 5cm rolls or as big as you like. We usually score the top of the pastry a couple of times by making a couple of 1cm cuts in the top of the pastry roll. This helps steam get out I presume and it looks good. Finally, brush the top with remaining milk/egg to get a nice golden brown top.

Place rolls on a greased or baking paper covered baking tray and bake at 200 degrees (C) for 20-25 mins until golden brown.

Optional: many people add grated carrot to the mince mix but I prefer the purist recipe.




Reviewer: LadyCracker
Name: Hanna's Bake Shop
Address: 172 High St Ashburton VIC 3147

A Saturday ritual in our household is to head to Hanna's Bake Shop with the paper and two little girls in tow to savour the flaky goodness of the bakery's pies and sausage rolls. This weekend was a little different as it was a lonesome Ladycracker catching up on the goings on in the little paper while chowing down on one of the best sausage rolls in Melbourne. Light pastry complements the medium warm temperature of the roll (no burnt mouths here). The filling is a traditional no frills meat mince that doesn't feeling heavy or claggy, leaves plenty of room for a fluffy vanilla milkshake and is tasty without the ubiquitous tomato sauce addition. Life doesn't get any better.




Reviewer: MelbourneGirl

I tested out of the Pattie's party pack: 18 party pies and 12 little sausage rolls.

The sausage rolls had soft pastry, which wasn't flaky. The filling was bland and mushy. I ate half of one, and didn't want the other half. Out of 5 I would give them 1. We only got those cause there were no Four’n’Twenty packs at the supermarket.




Reviewer: Husky Nutmeg

I would never have thought of a sausage roll as breakfast food but I was on the way to work and with coffee, anything is edible, I thought. I went to Tony’s Pies in Kingsville. These people already have a huge reputation for pies and pastries in the West as they do the school/kinder/club pie drives.

I was surprised by how hungry I was. The pastry was light, but not over flaky. A very tasty filling and no lardy aftertaste. There was take away sauce but the roll didn’t need it. The price was overshadowed by my latte (mind you, my coffee is always a large) and being my pre-work coffee spot, the service has always been friendly and kinda wholesome.




Reviewer: Fluffy
Name: Green Refectory
Address: Sydney Rd Brunswick VIC 3056
Cost: not sure – I think it came to $5.50 with my coffee

This review was a bit of a cheat in that I’ve had the sausage roll from Green Refectory before. The food there is uniformly good but the serving staff are generally hired more for their good looks. For this reason you can get someone serving you who is not really concerned that your pie is cold and your juice is hot.

I’ve previously enjoyed the sausage roll (homemade) as an eat-in affair plated up with salad and chutney. It was so excellent I would call it the sausage roll that other sausage rolls should aspire to in their sausagey dreams. This time I ordered it in traditional format: in a paper bag with sauce. The pastry was sprinkled with sesame seeds and nice and flaky without being insubstantial. The great shame on this occasion was it just wasn’t hot enough. Below a certain temperature the fats in the sausage roll solidify and give the whole thing an unfortunate waxy texture which could be completely avoided but for a few degrees.




Collaboration and introduction fiendishly devised by Fluffy.